Surviving it All

A new blog? New cards

2011-12-06T23:16:00.001-05:00

Can I just say I am feeling DESPERATE to complete Christmas cards, but realistically, I just don't think it's going to happen....My niece came over Sunday evening and we took a short time in the craft room and I completed the card above and two scrapbook pages. I made the mermaid with my cricut using the Paperlayerz cardstock by Megan Elizabeth that I purchased on black friday online. The mermaid is on the Once Upon A Princess cartridge...one of the two full content shape cart. I own.

Amanda just got a new sizzix embossing machine, the little purse one, and I got to play with it just long enough to emboss this blue cardstock with the butterflies. I LOVE it. I am desperately wanting an embossing machine. I hand embossed the water on the mermaid card, but you can see the quality just isn't as good as the machine. I LOVE butterflies and leaf/flower motifs. The other butterfly paper is from K and company, I think my very FAVORITE company for cardstocks. The sentiment strip is punched with a fiskars corner punch and since it's such a small piece, it bacically creates a secondary pattern. My card is made for colorbox cardstock that I cut to standard A2 size.

I was thinking about starting another blog just for my crafting projects. I'm just not sure I could keep up with it. Or want to keep up with it. It would just be an easier way for people to see my work without combing through my blog, since I am pretty techy challenged, I'm sure I could link those to their own section, but I just don't know how to do that. Even with help, I've not been able to fix my header on this blog. LOL.

Love some feedback on the new blog idea...holla back!

Happy Days

2011-12-05T18:04:00.001-05:00

Really hard to believe that these two people, six months out of high school, tied the knot, 17 years ago.

He brought me roses....(lol is that not funny the salt shaker right beside them??)

the tiger ones...took me to dinner, bought me my favorite Russell Stover caramels and brought me back home to the five other best accomplishments in my life. We have been through some very tough times, bought our first home, had our first baby, quickly multiplied to a large family, built a new home, lost a new home, survived a flood and tornado, stayed together through the most difficult childbirth and last five years of a very hard journey.We have moved more times than we EVER planned or wanted to. We have laughed til we cried. We have cried until the tears ran dry. We have prayed. We've made good decisions and bad... lived and learned. We are committed to each other and under the covenant of the almighty hands of God. I look forward to many years to come.

Halcomb
est 12-3-1994

Winner!

2011-11-14T19:39:00.001-05:00

Winner was Mandy, who posted over on Lillian's blog. Thank you all so much for your prayers for our family and just coming by to check out my blog all this time.

Blogaversary----GIVEAWAY

2011-11-10T16:12:00.001-05:00

Three years I've been blogging here in blogger. I think it's time for a celebratory giveaway. Surely I have some faithful readers/stalkers out there....I hope. Anyway, if you are here, leave a comment and your name will go in a drawing. If you can't leave a comment on this blog, hop on over to Lillian's and leave a comment there. Click on her picture and it should take you there, but I think I have the link above her name too. :) That is all you have to do. I will draw a name Sunday and post the winner and what you are getting. Leave me an email address so I can contact you. The gift will include some of my favorite things. Thanks for reading and commenting.

I must admit

2011-11-01T12:05:00.001-04:00

facebook kind of helps fulfill my blogging. And now, there's Pinterest. I've signed up to make a pinterest page, but just haven't gone there because I just know it's going to be a time sucker. You know, something that sucks the time right out of your day? I so don't need that addiction.

How bout some family updating? Let's start with Big Daddy. Right now, he's battling a cold. He is rarely sick, so I know there's something really going on if he says anything. He is taking the spiritual lead in our family which is nothing short of answered prayer. God is good. A little plug---have you seen Courageous? Go see it. Take a box of kleenex and see it. Take your man too. If it doesn't move something inside you, I'm not sure what will.

Bethany had some allergy testing and come to find out, she really allergic to LOTS of stuff. Our insurance is awesome, so she will begin a five year program of allergy shots to help with all that.

What is it with teenagers an these uber serious pictures??

Rebecca just finished up her first season of cross country. Super proud to see her push herself at each meet. She is doing FANTASTIC in school, straight A+'s and one A. A-mazing, I think.

Isabelle also completed her first season of track. I was proud of her for sticking with it! I don't think it was something she loved, but she did it. She has had a rough year with being sick and struggled with tummy problems, but I think she is over that finally. She went to her first dance on Friday.

Madeline is fiesty and busy as ever. She is doing SO much better in school this year. I think she has a great teacher. Wish she could have loop with the same teacher, but our schools don't do that. Much to my surprise, she wanted to join the running club, which met a few times before school then the children ran a one mile race. She did a great job, but Big Daddy had to keep her motivated. :)

Lillian got new glasses and that has been a trip in and of itself. Just getting her to keep them on, sheesh. Yesterday, I found them under the futon downstairs. It's still hard for me to even get used to her having them. Her life keeps me hopping ALL the time and if you follow her blog, you know that already!

Big Momma- Well, I've been doing some cardmaking and some scrapbooking too. I haven't scrapped in forever, I'm on a mission to complete our Christmas pictures. I've gotten up to 2005. I cropped those pictures last night. Anxious to finish them and keep moving through.

I've read a lot of good books recently. The Yada Yada Prayer Group series. Loved those books, they were almost like having daily devotions. I'm currently reading Heave is for Real. It is a very quick book, almost finished. I think this post is probably long enough.

Are you doing any crafting? Is facebook and pinterest eating into your blog time?

Purely Complimentary

2011-09-22T22:14:00.002-04:00

Try to stay with me here....I do have a point...I think.

I grew up watching my Mom put make-up on each morning before she went to work or anywhere for that matter....even if we weren't going anywhere now that I think of it, although that wasn't often. I think the one exception might have been if she was having a scheduled surgery. I would sit there and watch her every little move and detail. She was so precise. Naturally, when I came to about 11 or 12, I wanted to wear make-up too.( don't all preteen girls?) I also had the mind set that I could not dare leave the house without it. In early adult hood, I dabbled in being a beauty consultant, and the motto there...well, your face is your canvas...your advertisement, if you will. It was so in-grained to me. The older I got, the more I came to find that maybe it was just vanity. I'm a clean person, I fix my hair...I'm the same person without make-up on my face. I'd even been told by my husband that he liked me better without it. As more children came along, I probably fell off the makeup wagon whenever I was spending the day at home. With the birth of Lillian...my make-up wearing days fell by the wayside altogether. Mostly, I just don't value the time it takes me to put it on. If it comes down to having a few extra minutes of sleep, um, I'll take sleep. If it means getting out the door on time versus being late, I'm going to be on time. I also don't want my kids to think they need it. I am the mother of five girls. I want them to know they are beautiful and don't need enhancing. Of course, they do like certain elements of makeup, mostly eye makeup. My 11 year old is driving me nuts wanting to wear some. And that's fine. She will get her chance when we feel she is old enough. Where am I going with this, right? I've always struggled with thinking I am an attractive person. My sister may be the only person in this life who tells me I'm beautiful (thanks for that by the way) if I bring it up. I know she means. In the Bible study we just started at church, we are doing a Beth Moore study on the book of Daniel. To relate to us, she talks about the values the Babylon prized and how that equates to us in modern day...ie, the emphasis we place on youth, beauty, knowledge, and wealth.. The beauty one has really been nagging at me. I really feel unsettled internally about it. Maybe I'm just a screwed up mess....yep, that could be it. (I also think of this with my hair being so gray..color or not to color) I decided to try to get up a few minutes earlier each day to slap on my make-up the last few days. My children have noticed, the school kids have told me how pretty I look, AND some of the adults I encounter on a regular basis have seemed to make a really big surprised compliment about how nice I look. I appreciate it, I really do. What does that say to me, though...the me inside my head...(crazy...I know) I am indifferent, I just don't know how to process the thinking. I'm me no matter what's on my face...made up or not. I don't necessarily feel like I need to wear make up every day, it does not change who I am. It certainly changes the reactions I get from people sometimes. I don't necessarily want to dye my hair, but I dislike that people comment on it a lot when they find out I'm only 35...I mean, really, I'm 35 no matter what color my hair is. how do we keep ourselves from being sucked into being Babylonian women???Ugh, I just don't know....

The Sausage Arm Parable

2011-09-15T12:05:00.000-04:00

Once upon a time there was a woman who thought she might go to goodwill and find some new, used clothes for herself. She just happened to have a ten dollar reward card that entitled her to ten dollars worth of free merchandise. Now, said woman, also happened to be a plus size woman and in recent days, thought her arms looked sort of like link sausages. You know, from the shoulder to elbow, reminded her of sausage links. It sounds odd, but that is what she thought when she looked in the mirror. So, this lovely woman, ahem, went to the Goodwill, in spare window of time and started scanning the aisles. Well, wouldn't you know, with free money in her pocket...she is struggling to find ANYTHING at all. She did pass up a shirt with cutesy short sleeves, thinking in her head," that probably wouldn't fit my arms" so she didn't even try it on. She became discouraged as she came to the end of the plus size clothes rack, frustrated that of course she wouldn't find someting since she had money available. Her next thoughts took her to all the other "departments" of the store, with still no would be purchases. She decides to check out the clothing rack one more time to see if something new has been added or if she might have overlooked a diamond in the rough so to speak. She comes across this flannel print cutesy shrit, again, thinking, "that's my size, maybe the arms will fit after all". Not having time to go to the dressing room and desperately wanting to fulfill her retail therapy, she thinks, "perhaps I'll just slip it on over my shirt, it's button up after all, that will give me some idea if it will work". She places her arm in the first hole to find the sleeve is a wee bit snug. But, hey, a little tug, she can handle a little snug-ness, right? She slips her other arm in and pulls the shirt about her and finds, it really probably won't work. The arms would be snug, but doable, but the buttons probably won't accommodate ample boosom. She sighs. Oh well, she guesses retail therapy is shot for the day and she needs to get moving out of this store. She shrugs "cutesy" shirt down her arms to find...uh oh....it's stuck on her arms. She realizes, in sudden panick, the shirt is just not coming off. A five minute wrestling match ensues, in which the shirt is winning. The woman, in dismay, wonders if she is going to have to grab a stranger to tug this shirt off. She is wondering if someone somewhere is watching this on a video camera, laughing hysterically. She takes a moment to calm herself and wills herself to get this shirt off! After another wrestling match, she is able to dislodge the shirt from her arms and get out of dodge. Some days later, she finds herself pretty tickled at the sight it must have caused for anyone who might have been watching me eer.....I mean her. The End.

A ( doozy of a) week in Review

2011-09-06T12:08:00.000-04:00

Last Monday: Lillian has therapy 9-11. Appointment in KY at 1. Realizing I will not make it home in time for nine year old Madeline, I ask a friend to pick her up. Friend gets tied up at work, misses time, shows up late to house...no Madeline. By the time I arrive, Madeline has been found down the street at a friend's house. Monday evening, 11 year old Isabelle is done with cross country meet, needs a ride...calls back one minute later says Pastor will bring her home. Calls back 5 minutes later, says Pastor left, I need to pick her up. Bring her home. 4 minutes later, Pastor at front door, in near panic mode...he had just gone across the field to pick up his son. Lillian has started throwing up feeds.

Tuesday: Busy morning, take baked goods to church to make peace offering for all the trouble I feel like I've created via my kids...come home, 4pm, phone rings...15 year old Bethany has missed the bus from school. FROM school. In fact, FIVE kids miss same bus from school. hmm. Go to get her, pass her friends walking home, pick her up. At her urging, stop in parking lot by previously mentioned walkers, as we pull up, one of said teenagers has just been struck by a car.( PTL he turns out to be ok, just bruised up pretty good.) I order other walking teen into vehicle and drive him home. I get home, potatos have turned but oh well, they go in the oven anyway. Feeling a little shaken by car crash teenager....realize it's 10 minutes past time to pick up 11 year old Isabelle from cross country. UGH. Lillian is still puking.

Wednesday: Get up, get ready to go to store...end up paying bills. Go to goodwill and big lots...decide to go to nearby town. Eat supper with some extended family. Go to Sam's club with 9 kids and 3 adults total. Get home, all kids totally grumpy. What was I thinking? More puking.

Thursday: MUST GO TO STORE. No milk in the house, husband less than thrilled. Get Lillian to therapy...must get milk. Pouring onslaught of rain. *sighs* Get a bath on the way to car. Dirt all up my legs. Umbrella NOWWHERE to be found. Drop of Lillian, head to get milk. TRAIN. 15 minutes behind train = not enough time to get to store. Decide to get oil changed. Mr. Lubie closed. Must drive to other end of town to other Mr. Lubie. Pick up Lillian, get her off to school, stop at church for ice in cooler for grocery trip. Talked into coming back and baking for Octoberfest. Kids home, pick up from cross country. Daughter volunteers me to take someone home....take child home, pizza for dinner, older girls to football game, off to store for milk. Lillian still pukes, have to stop feeds almost completely.

Friday:Lunch with friend in nearby town. Home late. Pick up kids from CC, off to supper at a friend's house followed by scary movie. Still puking.

Saturday: Prayer room, then off to Indy for a visit with Grandma. Home, supper date with Hubs, off to Walmart for Monday's Labor Day cookout at my house, which is a disaster because I've not had a moment to clean. Ready to make cake for dinner at someone's home that I don't know well tomorrow...BUT cake turns to fruit salad as 13 year old has dropped Labor Day's watermelon and cracked it all the way around. Lillian pukes for 30 minutes, forcing a stop at rest area.

Sunday: Church, then off to dinner with a couple from church who'd like to get to know us better. Whole day spent there, home, get final things done for Labor Day cookout tomorrow. It'll be outside, so the house will be ok so so. Lillian pukes on couch of host.

Monday: get up, start cooking. Make deviled eggs, potato salad, butterscotch oatmeal bars, cupcakes, pasta salad, baked beans, prep hamburger toppings,reheat augratin potatoes, must get done early bc family member coming early to cook her stuff here. Start grilling meat, almost done with hamburgers and gas runs out on grill. Realize it is way too cold to eat outside, must make room in house for all these peeps. Family here, eat, play cards. 13 year old Rebecca realizes Washington DC fundraiser stuff due tomorrow, has lost 77 dollars somewhere. Maybe it has fallen behind kitchen cabinets...hubs and brother in law, spend an hour at least pulling out cabinets without tearing everything apart. Praise God, it is really there. I just thought they would get it all done and no money would be found. Drop into bed. I ache. Which brings me to today. Drop of Lil, reading in van, 13 year old calls, she has forgotten fundraiser stuff at home. Duty calls. Lillian is on a feeding and hasn't thrown up yet.

Welcome to my life. Thank you Jesus for your hand in it ALL.

What you hear if you're listening.

2011-08-16T12:21:00.003-04:00

I'm sitting here listening to the whir of the dishwasher and smelling my mocha something or other in the scentsy burner. I just put Lil on the bus, enter the house, and realize how much I can HEAR when noone else is around. I hear the air conditioner kick off and on, the dishwasher, the cars running down the road, so many things. So opposite from the norm around here with a family of seven. It led me to think about my week and the other things I've "heard" this week. Let me back track a little. Last week, I seemed to have something challenge me at every turn. It seemed as nothing I did ran as smoothly as it could or should have. I think I spent a couple days in a row complaining to my mom about how annoyed I was when she said to me...."well, Michelle, I think God is trying to train your patience, and when you learn the lesson, I think less of this will happen." Well....I just could not believe my Mother was lecturing me on patience. Seriously, me? Impatient? Many thoughts poured through my mind, I was immediately annoyed that she would think I was needing more patience. Had she forgotten the last four-five years of my life?? Really, I thought, how wrong she was to say such a thing. I was patient, probably more so than her. I even went to the length of calling my sister and complaining about that. Sheesh. In the midst of the previous week, I had a friend from church whose Mother was slowly dying. I prayed about it all week, asking the Lord to end her suffering. She was nothing more than a shell, barely hanging on and it just seemed like needless suffering for her, for my friend, for the family. I was sitting in the tub Friday night, chatting in prayer with God. I was praying for him to call my friend's mother home. I was questioning His reasoning for allowing her to be in this state, why could he not just call her home? Bang, smack into my thoughts came the words, mind you I'm still mid sentence of my reasons of not understanding, "Be patient, wait on me". It was like a smack to the face. My immediate thought, well, this must be something I need to share with my friend. The Holy Spirit had surely shared these words with me so I could share them with my friend. I continuned to pray, and it was revealed to me, No, Michelle, these words are for you. It brings me to tears as I think about it. My week of little insignificant issues were just that, insignificant. I shared the story yesterday with my sister, and today felt it weigh upon me to also tell my Mom. Much as I hated to admit it to her, because you know I'm just human.... I told her. I still can't say I love knowing it, but she said to me, God tried to use me to tell you, but when you wouldn't listen he brought it to you himself. Even at 35, I'm still a child of the King, being taught, being stretched, being guided through whatever means necessary. Maybe it's a lesson in patience as well as listening. Thank goodness He never gives up on His children.

Following Up

2011-08-08T22:56:00.002-04:00

So, my mass or area of dense tissue went from being 9 cm to 3 cm, so that is good news. The disturbing news....the radiology report didn't read ANYTHING like what the radiologist actually said to me on the table. Now, I admit I was a little off my game that day, but I'm not a total loon, I do know what she told me. The "dense tissue" is still there and I'm to monitor it to check for change. Hmph. Also bothersome, I have to have another mammogram in six months, yay me. Really stoked for that experience again. Bleck.

We went on our first family camping trip last weekend. It was insanely hot, but we did enjoy ourselves and hope we can someday secure a pop up camper to make the experience more enjoyable and more frequent. I was so relaxed. It really was a great time. Unfortunately we came home and Lillian got really sick...so did I...and so did Isabelle. Not so relaxing.

This day, in particular, has been very trying. I'm tired and this stupid cold or whatever it is is still just hanging in there. Lillian is on TWO antibiotics and now has TWO oozing ears. What I want to do is have a two year old tantrum and call it a day, but I won't. This too shall pass. School resumes on Thursday and I really long to have my kids home a little longer, they are anxious to go back, and I guess, it will get a little quieter here during the day.

Overall, we had a nice summer, time in our neighbors pool, church activities, and most of all just good quality family time. Before I know it, Christmas will be on us and another year will pass. The older I get, the faster it seems to go.

Life's little notsogood surprises.

2011-07-26T16:28:00.004-04:00

Ok, so unbelieveably, still, I report that the last couple of weeks have been a little rough. I managed to somehow come down with mastitis. Never had it in five pregnancies, but for some reason manage to get the awful illness. It is the sickest I've been in a very long time. Not to mention the pain. In the course of this illness, a mass comes up in my breast. To ease my worriesome mind, I co back to the doctor for him to just tell me I'm still needing to finish my antibiotics and perhaps be subject to a needle aspiration of what I think is an abscess. Imagine my shock when the first words from his mouth are something to the affect of "inflammatory mastitis can be a mascarade for breast cancer". Well let me tell you, I almost fell off the darn table. I think it was then, that my body just started following orders while my mind stepped outside of me saying, "this is not you". Honestly you could have slapped me and I don't think I would have known it. I go immediately from the office to the hospital for my first ever mammogram, followed by an exam by another doctor and then on to an ultrasound. There are words like, asymmetrical breasts, very different breast tissue, fluid pocket, inflammation, and puzzled expressions. The outcome, "well, there is fluid, but if there is something under the fluid I can't see it because of the fluid"..."you are not out of the woods, but at the edge of the forest"
So, I finished antibiotic and I wait to see the doctor again. It'll all work out.

Yesterday, on the intersate, driving home, a semi had a tire blow out in front of my car. The explosion scared me to death. I was less than a car length behind him and it was his back inside tire. Big cloud of black smoke, then debris hitting my windshield.

I need a few less surprises in my life these days.

I need a vacation....oh, and a money tree.

4th of July and other stuff....

2011-07-12T19:57:00.001-04:00

Ok, so I won't complain, why is blogger posting my pics like this? I guess I'm just happy they uploaded. Just a few of my favorite pics of our 4th of July picnic. I made a lasagna, strawberry pie, and texas sheet cake. My sister brought chicken caeser salad, and garlic bread. Grandma threw in some KFC and we sat around and enjoyed some family time. My Mom came later, as well as my brother in law after he got off work, and he shot off some fireworks. My BIL was shooting off fireworks, and I had the warm sense of nostalgia, as it was something we did as kids. I remembered having sparklers, but didn't remember actual fireworks until they started shooting off in the sky. The end of the night was the best part of the day. For me. My kids also delcared it was the best 4th ever. Although, my niece let me know that "normal" folk have hamburgers on holidays, I didn't come home with ANY lasagna leftover. LOL. We've never been accused of being normal, that's all I can say. My girls are growing so fast.

RAN-DOOOOMMMMM

2011-06-30T19:05:00.004-04:00

1. Would it not crack you up if you found these images of your husband on the camera. Pictures that he takes just to crack me up? I get kissy lips on my cell phone a lot too. The other day, he did a post it note on my phone that said I love you baby. He routinely sets my alarm and it goes off saying I love you. Just a few of the reasons I've loved this man more than half my life!

2. A quilt I've been working on for YEARS, yes I mean years. Course, I think I started it pre-Lillian, so you can understand why it's not done. One thing that bothers me, as a novice quilter, I didn't draw any lines before i started quilting it, so it looks like i was drunk while I quilted. I really love the pattern and the colors, oh the colors I LOVE, it took me a good long while in the store to pick my colors and patterns, but I'm so disgusted with the crooked lines. So the question is, do I rip out all the quilting ( which is mostly done) or do I continue stitching like a drunkard, or do I draw lines on the rest and just giterdone? *sighs*

3. I made this for Lillian when I was pregnant, but didn't get it quite finished til much later after her birth. It just needs binding. Part of me would like to finish it and give it to someone precious that would love and cherish it to death, but the other part of me can't seem to let go of the sentimentality it holds because it was for Lil' Bil. Not to toot my own horn, but I'm very pleased with my quilting on this particular one. I quilt by hand, it's so soothing. I made my very first quilt entirely by hand, but now I pretty much machine piece and hand quilt.

4. This is my new ride. I thought it only fair to share the new since I shared the broken one. LOL.

5. I just finished reading another Robert Whitlow book and I whipped through it in a day. The sequel to it is not at my local library, so I have to wait for it to be transferred here. Not to worry, though. I've three in my stack callling my name. I recently started reading some books by Jennifer Chiaverini. Easy, good reads. I think that is what has sparked my quilting bug again. She weaves the story around a group of women joined together through a quilting bee.

6. All these quilt thoughts, remind me of my dear friend, Jan, who passed away a year ago with ALS. I miss her so much. Her husband gave me some of her clothes and her smell is still there, even after washing them in my own stuff I can smell her detergent or perfume, whichever. It's funny what sparks the memory isn't it?

7. I've been trying lots of new recipes lately, and today I hit a homerun. It was called deep dish pizza. I found it on www.southernplate.com I tweeked it a bit to meet my satisfaction. It was wonderful and SUPER easy. I've fallen in love with her peanut butter cookie recipe. I've tried quite a bit off her website, I haven't LOVED everything, but we've like a whole lot. I would love to have her book. I got it from the library, had to wait for it forever, but it was a good read as well as some great recipes. She really touches my heart. I cried reading part of it, seriously, a cookbook? I know. But- if you know me, you are probably not surprised. ha.

8. Summer has been insanely busy. Bethany has been in summer school, Lillian has been in summer school, therapies twice a week, weddings, birthday parties....no rest for the weary.

9. Enjoying our new church and the fellowship it brings very much. It is still difficult to be new somewhere, but given time, it will be more like home. We will soon be starting small home groups called life groups, can't wait to get involved with that.

10. I'm hankering to do some crafting, cards, scrapbooking, sewing..anything, but the the middle girls are sleeping in my craft room and another computer is set up in here as well, so room is diminshing. Thinking of moving them down and moving my room up, but then I'd really never get in there, so I think it will have to be just like it is for the time being.

I think I'm done now. Random complete.

Going "home"

2011-05-30T20:08:00.003-04:00

Today we took the girls down to my Dad's. Two of them are staying there for a couple days. As we drove, the closer we got the more I started to have an internal reaction to getting closer to the place I grew up. Similar to how I felt,as a child, when we traveled any time. I always felt a bit more relaxed as we drove into the small town where I went to school. It was sort of like a peace, just knowing I was "home". Since my parent's divorce, in the times that I've been there, I have left feeling sad and aching. Most often in tears as I made it to the next small town. I've never really understood it...and I guess, even though my Dad is there, it bothered me because the sense of my mother was gone from there. I guess these few years later, I'm finally comfortable being there again without her. He seems to be spending more time putting flowers and bushes around the property and cleaning out the large flower garden Mom had grown. Today, I regained that feeling of peace. Ironically, putting it into words is making me quite emotional...but overall, the good memories presided today.

Remember...

2011-05-29T21:22:00.002-04:00

all those cards I was making for my sister in law? I got them finished today..

and with the help of Bethany,

Got my craft room cleaned up and organized.

So, Amanda came over and we crafted...woohoo!

Surviving the Crash

2011-05-21T10:17:00.002-04:00

The ordeal finally ends. The money should be in the bank by Monday, and with the help of some good friends and attorney, I'll have a rental until Monday. That is all I wanted I still have to pay the additional insurance, but I'll have the van until then. It is so nice. It has been 15 years since I drove a new vehicle and it is lovely. I shall miss her when I turn her in. At least I'll have one smooth ride to KY on Monday. LOL. We have been offered a very good deal on a used van, basically an equivalent to the van we lost and we will picking it up later today. We really hoped to get something with 8 passenger seating, but alas, it is not to be. It got me to thinking though, we should really look at trying to get something newer when tax time rolls around again and try to start setting aside a "car payment" each month. This will also be the first time in years I've driven a vehicle that wasn't white. *shakes head* . I know color is no big deal, or at least I don't think it is a big dea, but I'm a little excited to have a vehicle with color. Again, I pray that this is my first and last car crash. Not something I'd like to experience ever. Really.

Sunday School Funnies

2011-05-17T08:31:00.002-04:00

I'm teaching Sunday School for the preschoolers at church this month. I found how much I miss working with kids that age. I really loved working at the daycare I was once employed and this SS class has given me a little taste of that again. One of the little guys in my class has just kinda gripped my heart. He has the biggest brown eyes you've ever seen. I met him in the hallway this past week as his Mom was taking their baby to the nursery. I said to him, "Whaaazzzzuppp my brotha" (he's four) He started laughing so hard, it got me cracked up. We sat down in the classroom and he looked at me with these big sparkling brown eyes and said, "you are funny, I like you". We get on into the story, and there is a fly buzzing around the room and apparently his attention was focused on this fly, he says "there's a fly, they sit on poop" I just kept trying to go on with the story while giggling a bit and he still stalking " this like dung"...I'm telling you I just about lost it. It was totally hilarious. I was just hoping to keep the topic on Stephen and not flies and poop or dung. It make me laugh even today. We use this puppy puppet for a teaching point, and try to hide your surprise that Theo, the puppy came out singing shoefly, don't bother me. HA!!!

A Trying Week

2011-05-16T12:44:00.002-04:00

This has been a difficult week. Starting off with car accident...don't misunderstand, I'm so thankful for the outcome of no injuries and of course walking away...there were so many blessings. Noone on the sidewalk, noone seriously injured and only rumpled cars to show for such an event. I, however, I am sleeping poorly. Riddled with nightmares. I have never suffered with nightmares. One once in a blue moon, but not like this. Each night is something I have fear of or one of us is getting killed or trying to be killed. I've never really cried over the whole ordeal, and you know I cry over just about everything...I keep telling myself there is nothing to cry about other than the fact that I had the crap scared out of me for a few brief moments.

For a week, it's been phone calls with insurance companies and transportation arrangements, having to fight for a rental, (battle still in progress) forms to fax, and life, life just to keep on moving.

Today, one week later, they have (as we figured) decided my van is a total loss and are willing to give us the smallest compact car on the rental lot. Now, should I be grateful? I am. I am glad they have accepted full liability. However, I lost the only vehicle that carried my family of seven. A tiny compact car will not do. So, I call and wait yet again. A very dear woman from church as offered me the use of her car during the day as long as I have need of it, and I'm very humbled and grateful for her sacrifice. Thankfully we live only a minute away from the church where she works each day and it is a good arrangement. So today, instead of rumbling to therapy in a very bouncy bus, I drove a car again for the first time in week. I have to tell you I was a little nervous. Probably overly cautious, if there is a such a thing.

I spent the day Saturday in the kitchen, breaking down my grocery trip. I had meat to separate and freeze and food to prepare for Sunday. I tried a new recipe for supper and it was well received, I'm sure that one is going in the vault.

This morning as I was getting ready for the day, I happened to notice a tote in my closet that I thought was empty, I pulled off the lid revealing a small pile of summer clothes hand me downs for Lillian. I was ecstatic. I thought they had been thrown out somehow when we moved. I was so relieved and thankful to have found them. I had recently ransacked the garage and basement searching for these clothes, knowing I'd saved them. Perhaps I should go back to labeling. ;)

I have turkey loins in the oven for supper tonight and realize I've run out of potatoes, I feel this is surely a main dish that calls for mashed potatos. Tomorrow we are having Sticky Chicken, and I'm wondering what I will serve with that if we have potatos tonight. Oh the decisions I'm plagued with each day...NOT. OH----

My sister, my dear sweet sister had her surgery Wednesday and it was an uncomplicated success. She is already back home in full recovery mode. She sounded like her old self last night on the phone. Keep those prayers coming, as I know there is so much more of the journey for her to travel.

I guess my rambling must come to an end, I still have thank you cards to make for my sister in law, and my deadline is drawing near. My craft room is an absolute disaster, I so want to get in there to clean and organize, but a sweet little four year old has decided the bathroom is her new play house. *shakes head* I had a moment yesterday, missing those days when I used to be able to rip a room apart and put it back together without having to stop nine zillion times....ah such is life as a Mom.

I went to sleep with thanks in my prayer

2011-05-10T10:36:00.004-04:00

Yesterday afternoon I had to turn in some papers for Lillian's insurance that were due that day. Lillian had fallen asleep for the whole afternoon and even though I tried to wake her, she still snoozed away. The bigger girls got home from school and knowing I'd only be gone about fifteen minutes I left them here. I got the papers dropped off and headed home. Two minutes away from my house, I was driving along when I saw the other car. She had a stop sign but it was obvious to me she was not even slowing...I knew the inevitable was about to happen, I slammed on the the brakes and closed my eyes...the crunching of metal the impact of the hit and I open my eyes to still be travel down the sidewalk on the oncoming traffic side about to make impact with a telephone pole. My brain was thinking you are going to have to turn or you are going into that pole head first....I could feel the tightness of the seatbelt as it bit into my chest...I turned the wheel, clipped the pole and came to a stop. All I could think is get out get out, the airbags may still errupt. I thought, call 911, get out, check on the other driver. I stepped out to see the woman getting out of her mangled car and found my legs to have turned into jelly. Another driver, suggested I take my seat and then it hit me...thank God my kids were home, thank God I'm alive....oh my goodness thank God I didn't hit that pole head on. Every car crash I'd ever seen on tv flashed before my eyes. Thank God noone was on the sidewalk I barrelled down. It was the strangest sensation to walk away from the van, knowing it was probably never going to run again. I chuckle now as I think back, considering I thought i might just be able to drive down the embankment and go on home....

Last night, I dreamed of all the things I fear...fire, tornados, flood, evil presences. The best part of the dream? I was never afraid. Strange, though I was so close to all these things, I was not afraid. Thank God for keeping me safe. There are going to be challenges involved not having a vehicle, ecspecially with Lillian, but it will all work out. I'm just so grateful to be sitting in my dining room versus a hospital or a morgue. Could have been so much worse.

Easter Blessings

2011-04-28T10:09:00.004-04:00

It was a busy, but wonderful Easter weekend. We had something going on everyday. It was nonstop, but still enjoyable. I was so emotional. When I consider what God has done for me, it I'm so grateful. So unworthy, but given such a wonderful gift through Jesus Christ. Oh glorious day. I may have mentioned Madeline getting baptized. She accepted Christ as her saviour last year during our devotional time one evening. My Mom joined us for the service as well, and aside from Madeline forgetting to bring dry undies to change into, everything went smoothly. She thought she was going to have to make a list of answers for the pastor that day. We told him and he teased her a little prior to the service. Madeline is so animated, it was great to see her face through the whole process.

After the service, my mom and my sister and kids came over and we shared dinner. Mom passed out easter treats to the kids and when dinner was over, she gave my sister and me our gifts. As children, I always loved waking up to Easter morning because we knew we would have an Easter basket. We were poor growing up, so it was a special treat to get extra. Our easter baskets brought a little candy, but most often necessities. We were so tickled to get socks and underwear. Anyway, Mom pulls out a box and hands it to each of us and we unwrap. I was so tickled. Longaberger measuring cups and a little book about tea. (cause you know I have tea set obsession) So we are sitting there all excited and she stands up and pulls another box out of the box she brought...my sister tore into hers like a spider monkey..trying to beat me to the punch....ahem...and there is a set of longaberger nested bowls....wahoo, I'm getting beside myself by this time. THEN- MOM gets up again and hands us yet another box. It was like Mary Poppins' carpet bag...this box contains a longaberger covered casserole dish. I really cannot tell you how excited I was and still am. That was the final box and I think we were both quite amazed to be given so much. So undeserving. So, again, thank you Mom. You really made my day even better. To add to that, my sister gave me a new scentsy plug in warmer and melts.

It would have been a great day without ANY gifts, but hey new stuff is always fun.

BTW, I tried to arrange this stuff, but blogger just won't let me move stuff around anymore.

Seem so busy

2011-04-23T12:32:00.002-04:00

It seems like I've barely had time to take a breath. So much going on. The older two girls in track with practice and meets every night of the week. Isabelle involved in a play for the Easter Eggstravaganza....which by the way was today and it was AWESOME. I was so proud of my daughter being a part of sharing God's message of love to so many other children and adults. I started crying at one point and just had to regroup. It was amazing really. Speaking of the EE, it was so cool, we went above our goal and had 16000 eggs for kids to "hunt". I was really looking forward to Lillian getting to participate in this event, and well, let's just say...epic fail. She was totally freaked out by almost everything. Oh, well.

We haven't had a decent night's sleep in a couple weeks due to all the storms and my little Madeline being so terrified by them. Even hunkering down in the basement does nothing to ease her mind. *sighs* I know she has to be tired. Exhausted even. In better news, she will be getting baptized tomorrow. Our second daughter to be baptized on Easter. So cool. Sheer joy.

Today is a bridal shower for my soon to be niece in law....is that a word? She and my nephew have been together for years and in June they are getting married. Looking forward to celebrating with them today.

We had another game night with some friends last night and tomorrow we will host dinner for my family for Easter.

I have finished a couple projects for my sister's daughter for her youth group. They are having a silent auction, so I'm donating a complete 8 x 8 scrapbook and some handmade cards for the event...I will try to get some pics of them posted. I'm thinking I might make up several books and give a whirl at selling them, I'm just not sure if I have the time to get them done.

I must go, much to do...hadn't posted in a while, sorry for all the randomness.

At midnight I fast

2011-04-04T15:37:00.002-04:00

Fasting has been a topic heavy on mind lately. Perhaps a conviction. Tonight, at midnight, I will go to my church and spend an hour in prayer in the prayer room during our 72 hour continuous prayer. After prayerful consideration, I've decided I will fast as well for 72 hours. I've been so convicted of my weight issues recently, and I keep praying for self control to curb the habits I've created. I'm totally weak. I know, though, that God is not and He will sustain me through this time. I'm a little nervous, but I know I can do it. I'd like to use this time to train my thoughts on prayer and being filled by Him, instead of all the foods I fill myself with. It is my intention, to then begin a diet. I will likely try to keep this blog updated with my progress and would ask for your prayers daily as I battle my food addiction. I have a doctors appointment at the end of the month and hope to have shed some weight from the last visit. I will post that when I have numbers. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE if you read this, send some encouraging words to me if you happen by. Thanks!!

Do you ever see/hear things that just make you shake your head

2011-04-01T07:49:00.002-04:00

I'm so not kidding. I was in Walmart late late late last night..ok, not that late, but it felt late and I was tired. It was 1030. At a time when I hoped to be sleeping, I was forced to navigate through the pallets obstructing all the aisles just so I could purchase an 88 cent pie tin. A pie tin, my nine year old HAD to have for school tomorrow. Don't you just love that? Anyway...I don't know if I was just overly tired or what...but I'm standing in line to pay. I've placed my meager items on the belt. The woman in front of me is checking out and chatting away with the cashier. The casheir picks up some yogurt this woman has in her things. Now I don't know if you shop at Walmart...but the great value brand yogurt is sold in small four packs. They are all connected together. A while back, they were sold as individual containers. Not anymore. There is ONE bar code for all four containers. This woman, has broken two of the yogurt containers off the pack, and the cashier is like..."um, there's no bar code on here" the customer says, "well, I don't like them being sold in four packs, you can't get differenct flavors.." looks at me and says " I don't want to buy a four pack, I like different flavors, I usually buy more than this, but not today, you can buy them like this...I've TOLD 'them' I don't like it" The cashier says "well, there's no bar code on these, but I'll just go ahead and ring in a price, bc if I call anyone, they are just going to tell you you have to buy all four and make you wait and I'll just sell it to you like this" SERIOUSLY?? I don't know what I'm more dumbfounded by...the woman breaking apart the yogurt or the cashier letting her get away with it. Really, it struck me quite funny. I'm thinking ALL sorts of funny things...I had a dozen donuts in my cart and felt compelled to ask the cashier to cut the box in half bc I only wanted six. If you have to break a container into pieces AND there is a bar code and price for a four pack of yogurt, then HELLO, it does not mean you can buy them separately.....you know what comes to mind? Here's your sign... can people really be that ignorant. Makes me shake my head. You know somebody else is back there in the yogurt wondering where all the OTHER two packs of yogurt are being kept...or that SOMEONE is going to have to pay full price for that two pack. Funny and somewhat ridiculous. See, bet you are shaking your head right now. Perhaps I'm just naive, but come on America. That would be like me breaking apart a six pack of coke or something equivalent...ROTFL. CUH-RAY-ZAY.

Easter EGGstravaganza

2011-03-29T16:06:00.003-04:00

Our church hosts a big event for Easter for the community. Our goal is to have 15000 easter eggs for the kids to "hunt". There will be face painting, puppet show, games, and food. Here's a pic of our little family taking the challenge to fill 50 easter eggs per family member to meet that big goal! Lillian is multitasking....filling while getting filled...lol

Crazy Monday...I mean it... seriously....for real

2011-03-28T17:26:00.005-04:00

Lillian woke up at 540 this morning hacking her poor little head off. I think she dozed back off somewhere around 615 in bed with me. Matt got up for work and a bit later my alarm went off. I kept hitting the snooze thinking get up get up. You have toooo much to do today to lay in bed. Supper to get in the crockpot, shower, Lillian to therapy, BFF to lunch then Lillian to KY. You MUST get up!!! Isabelle comes up and says, "Mom, a lady ran out of gas in front of the mailbox and needs to use our phone. " I say ok, take it to her. Lillian and I drag out of bed and head down the stairs, Isabelle comes rushing back in," Mom, the lady out of gas needs to talk to you" I say ok. Here I am still in my bed clothes, hair sticking up left and right, um, just think about how you wake up in the morning...funky teeth, crazy hair, dressed in bed clothes, sleep in your eyes, and perhaps dried drool and your face...if you are me anyway. This poor woman, greets me at the front door. Long story short, can I help her push her car out of the road and take her to a place to get her other son to the dentist. Oh- and by the way...she's pregnant. Yep, pregnant. I'm thinking this is the last thing this lady needs is to be pushing a car. Hello. So, we arrange for her little boy to sit in my house with Lillian while we push her car off the busy road into my yard. As I'm standing in the road waiting for traffic to subside a bit, another good samaritan pulls up behind us and says, "you need help"...yes maam, thank you so much. This lady then says, "oh hang on a minute, here comes a man to help us". I'm thinking, thank you Lord for sending so many people to help us. I look toward the man and realize it's my new pastor. I say, "oh, that's my pastor". About that time, and I'm so not kidding...he is jogging across my yard, his foot catches on something and he goes tumbling forward, head first, then head over heels...I'm watching all this in slow motion, thinking Oh.MY.WORD. You know how in the movie Matrix, Neo slows way down into slow motion when he dodges the bullets...that's all I could think of. Friends, I don't know how that man escaped the gravel driveway AND the mailbox post, AND the cement culvert, but he did. UN-injured. I ran up to him and made sure he was ok, and let me tell you, he recovered quick. We get the woman's car off the road and I drive the woman where she needs to go. All the while thinking, man I hope he's really ok. After I get Lillian dropped off to therapy, I head over to the church to sign Matt up for the work day on Saturday and to check if he's really ok. He was really ok and we got a good chuckle out of the whole event. He admitted to me that God had humbled him real quick with that stumble. My day was full and busy with all that I had going on, but God opened a door for me to invite someone new to church. I think it would be so neat if they did come all as a result of a really inconvenient incident. I had her on my mind all day, thinking of days when I'd been in similar situations. What a day! Definitely not a normal Monday!

Do you think she thought I was crazy?

2011-03-26T18:09:00.002-04:00

I was at the good old Walmart this past week with my two eldest daughters looking for tennis shoes. It was evening, but not really late. Maybe 7 or 8. We found what we needed and headed for the van. As we were loading bags, it became clear that some folks right across from us were having a very heated discussion. Heated discussion became an all out free for all cussing and screaming and hitting match. There appeared to be a young woman, young man, older woman and young child. The adults are screaming every profanity under the sun at each other and the child is in the car wailing and pleading for her grandma. I rushed my girls into the car and.. around the same time a young mother with her small toddler were loading their car right next to me. I shut my van door and before I knew what I was doing, I was helping this young lady load her car. She was a bit shocked and her toddler very quickly told me "no!" I then said, "here let me help you" All I could think was hurry and get your baby in the car before someone starts shooting...I mumbled that there was some crazy people next to us and she said she heard too. I really don't know what came over me, but I just did not want her out there with her baby while these looney bin people were out there cussin' like sailors and chasing each other around. It was crazy. I got in my car and called 911. The police rolled in and I pointed to the direction they were. What I thought was a little fender bender, turned out to be some domestic dispute. That kind of stuff makes me nervous. Thinking back on the night, though, I wonder what might have gone through the young mother's mind who was next to me when I just started hauling bags out of her cart and setting them in her van.

Making an impact

2011-03-22T15:00:00.003-04:00

Isabelle

Rebecca

So much of the time I am questioning myself on if I'm doing a good job as a mother and if I'm making an impact on my kids. I wonder, sometimes, at their decision making. I hope I'm showing them what a godly mother is. I hope I'm showing them what a good person is. I wonder so much of the time how our life change has affected them in their lives. It's difficult to know how kids are processing things in their minds. Even when you ask them, they don't even know what your are talking about. Many times I feel unappreciated. I wonder where in the world I've gone wrong when they display behavior that shocks me. Mostly, I just try to remind myself they are kids and they are learning. They will understand it all someday when they are mothers themselves. I want them to see how wonderful and fulfilling it is to be a stay at home Mom.

Personally, I am so humbled when the girls are involved in volunteering and someone comes and tells me how wonderful they are and how they are easy to work with and just do what they are supposed to do with out being asked or shadowed all along. I think that is some kind of reflection that I am doing the job that I need to be.

Yesterday, Isabelle (11) came home, walked in and went right back out. She returned for a drink a bit later and when I asked her what she was up to, she stated " helping Jan (our elderly neighbor) clean up her yard" I was moved.

As we were eating dinner, Rebecca (13) proudly announces, "I'm in the paper" I say, you are, for honor roll? She says, "nope" I say "pictured in the paper" She says " nope". She brings me the paper...7 seventh graders had blurbs chosen for the paper about who was the most inspiring woman they knew. My daughter wrote a paragraph detailing me. I was a blubbering mess. ME? Me who most times feels like I'm the worst mother walking the planet. Who often refers to myself as the MOTY?

Then she up and volunteers to do the supper dishes....*shakes head*

I was sharing this with my sister today and she said, "you need to laminate that baby". I said "yeah and wave it in her face when she's 17 and 'hates' me for something. " lol

I am wrapped in comfort in the days events. It is awesome to see them growing and reflecting some of the things I'm hoping we are teaching them.

And if our God is with us...

2011-03-20T14:28:00.003-04:00

I LOVED LOVED LOVED all the worship songs in the service today. Not that I dislike any songs, but today's music really spoke to me. I'm also totally blown away by having not one, but TWO dynamic pastors. They are both absolutely passionate for the Lord. Our youth Pastor gave the sermon today. It shouldn't be , but it is amazing to me to be so blessed by hearing both of these men lead in worship on Sunday mornings. Phenomenal. Really. Today we joined the church we have been visiting...and oddly enough I wasn't even nervous. We were presented to the church today for membership and were warmly welcomed afterwards. Perhaps because I was so drawn into preaching, it hadn't even occurred to me to be nervous. OR...maybe it's just not about me at all and I know that. No nerves necessary.

We came home, fired up the new grill and had bbq chicken, grilled garlic bread, and italian pasta salad. We took some plates to our neighbors and finished off with a lovely little chocolate cake dessert we were given as we left the church today.

I look forward to making new relationships in our new church home. It was very difficult for me when we transitioned out of the church I grew up in. This transition has been wonderful. I hope it's because I'm growing in the Lord. I believe this is the place He wants us to be. It is really indescribable how it feels to be in a place where I feel a large family is not only acceptable, but loved, no questions asked. To be in a place you know you are supposed to be.

What a blessed day this has been and the day is still early. :)

Almost a week in review

2011-03-18T11:07:00.003-04:00

This has been a wonderful week. Quality time with my family, a little bit of this and that. Let's see, want to hear my most embarassing moments of the week?

I went to Kohls in hopes of finding a coffee mug holder. You know, like a metal tree of sorts...well, I walked in and they have those five dollar deals on stuffed animals. They happened to have the very hungry catepillar, since we were going to try taking Lillian to the movies, I thought hey, five bucks, I'll get one of those and she'll play with it, she LOVES the book. I picked it up and as I was walking by the checkout line, I saw Lillian's speech therapist from school and tapped her in the back with it....just as I did it she turned to look me straight in the face, and I said "hey, lady" only to be staring back at a total stranger that simply looked like Lillian's speech therapist. I wanted to DIE. It was so embarassing. I apologized profusely and she was very gracious and thought it funny....geez....

Last night, I was in Walmart in the self check out with Bethany and her little boyfriend, we were waiting behind this lady who was checking out her stuff. Bethany had started asking me over and over again if I would get beef jerky for her and the BF to share. I kept saying no, and on about the third request, I said, very exasperated, "Bethany, come on....seriously..." the lady checking out, says..."well, I'm sorry, I'm going as fast as I can".....I was like, oh ,no no no, I didn't mean you....I would never try to rush someone ahead of me like that....The kids were horrified and took off...which was hysterical. I'm not sure if her name was Bethany or she just didn't hear that part, but I felt pretty silly and a little embarrassed. Of course, embarassing the kids was icing on the cake. *giggles*

That sums up this weeks embarrassing episodes.

My husband has worked so hard this week, painting, hanging shelves and pictures, cleaning out the garage, hauling junk away. It is so great to have some stuff done around here. Moving in the winter is not ideal, so this week has been great to get things done. We've also done plenty of relaxing and running around, and having fun just being together.

Today, I'm finishing up laundry and preparing to have another family over this evening for snacks and games. We used to see them every week, but since we moved it has been very little. They are a great family and have as many boys as we have girls.

I'm making banana bread from Southern Plate, some old pampered chef favorites, ham and cheese puffs, southwestern chicken squares, hot pizza dip, cool and creamy chocolate fondue, and just one of our all time favorites, butterscotch rice crispy treats. I think that should feed several teenage boys and my crew. I guess there's always delivery if nothing else...lol. Maybe I can post some pics later.

Guess I better finish off this taco salad if I'm going to, and get to gettin', Lillian has an ENT appointment this afternoon. Matt is on dentist, the second chapter, and doctor follow ups for everyone else. Laudry isn't going to wash itself...I don't think....drats. :)

A little redecorating

2011-03-16T22:14:00.004-04:00

I was able to purchase a service of eight of these dishes...I've adored them from a far for quite some time. I got them on clearance for 25.00. Tiny picture, but the color palette is all there. I can't wait to have dinner on them. They have a soft wavy edge. LOVE them.This is Spring Break for my kids. We didn't do anything special, just staying home trying to continue to unpack, get things hung on the walls, stuff like that. Matt took the week off too, and he has been FANTASTIC getting things done. Yes, we have done some running around, and today we even took in a movie with ALL the girls.

So a little history, our dining room was this butternut squash yellow, floor to ceiling. My picture is just not doing it justice. I liked the color ok, but it was just TOOOOOO much for me. I painted a little but Matt painted the majority. We left the yellow on top and the green colors are more in the sage family than they look in the pic. The lighter green is painted over a very pretty tin border that has lovely detail, I just can't get a good picture of it. My sister got me a new scentsy warmer and it is on the left. The second picture shows the red one, I have decided I like the green better. Wish you could see more detail. Red scentsy warmer.

I took a before pic, but lost it somewhere along the way...lol

This is the archway leading to the living room, Matt insisted on going to Hobby Lobby today, (I just browsed the scrapbooking area...can you believe it??) and I was able to score this little ensemble for ten bucks. It picks up all the colors in the room. The opposing wall is wall to wall windows with bench seating, I'm going to search through my tote of fabric to see if I can make some pillows for the bench. I made curtains when we first moved in. It feels more like MY home now, being able to my own touches in it.

The picture has words in script across the word prayer that reads, "when life gets to hard to stand...kneel"

Dentist Appointment

2011-03-15T19:49:00.003-04:00

All the girls had dentist appointments today. Madeline lucked out, as she was staying with Great Grandma up in Indy. The rest of the girls went and got cleaned. I considered changing dentist since ours is now about 30 minutes away, but, how can I possibly leave the comfort of the dentist coming out and giving me a hug? I've been seeing him myself since I was a little girl, and it just feels like family. I think I will just have to deal with the drive. I mean, really, it's like seeing a long lost relative every six months. The two office girls are so sweet and they just chat away with my girls. Old friends. I think I got a lead on getting some family pictures done reasonably as well, so I'm looking forward to checking into that. I need some good pics of our family. One of the receptionists gave me the info. The only bad thing about the dentist? Waiting. Waiting FOR.EVER. for three girls to get their teeth cleaned and then examined by the dentist. UGH. Such is life, I guess. I came home, preparing to visit a friend in the hospital and was planning to make a "live forever" bouquet for her. I saw this idea on a craft blog, and reinvented Lillian's formula cans for the "vase".

I only had to arrange the flowers ten times to be satisfied with it. Now, I think I'm pretty happy. Next time, I'll make smaller flowers. This takes fake flowers to a whole new level...LOL.

* note to self--create set for photos so everyone doesn't see my mess!*

Treat Bags- The EVIDENCE

2011-03-14T16:21:00.003-04:00

It seems I'm taking really rotten pics or my camera is being weird, I don't know...I cut out little pink and yellow bunnies and made their noses opposite colors. You can see the detail a little better here. I stamped Happy Easter on them, I wanted to put a little scripture on them, but didn't have a good stamp that would work.

In thinking about Lillian's limitations, I tried to put things in them the kids would have fun with. I ended up with a straw and the rest was an egg shaped piece of gum, sweet tarts, a tiny little kit kat and a rabbit shaped reese's.

If you are keeping up with my insane purchase from hobby lobby, you will see that I AM using the materials in the way I intended. This proof in and of itself, I believe, allows me to shop again with confidence...I'm just sayin'. :)

Volunteering in the Library

2011-03-14T14:40:00.002-04:00

OH.MY.WORD.

Last Thursday was my first day volunteering in the elementary school library. I went in around 1240 and stayed until 3. OMW. That is all I can say. My knees are revolting against me. Here's the thing, did you ever really think about the size of elementary school book shelves? About 3 ft tall. Which is WONDERFUL for the children. For me? The volunteer putting all the books back on the shelves?? Notsomuch. ;) I swear they picked out all the books on the very bottom shelf, WHICH, totally makes sense for them...perhaps I can sway some of them to the top shelves...giggles. Really, I may go in with knee pads next week. Crikey. And what exactly would be the most appropriate footwear. I wore my black shoes, moderate chunky heel, comfortable. UM, no. Not after that day. They. ached so bad Thursday night, I wanted to chew them off. Not really, sort of....

The afternoon started with one kindergarden class after another. I think we had five classes, in total, K, 1st, and 2nd. They are a frisky bunch. They cannot sit still, nor can they keep their little hands and feet to themselves. I was more of an assistant that day, trying to keep little ones to keep their little hands and feet to themselves. It amazed me when some of them, having never met me, would just walk up and throw their arms around me. So sweet. The older classes had to do scavenger hunts...that was pure pandelerium......

At three, I wandered down to the gym to pick up Lillian and head home, and she cried and cried all the way home until she fell asleep in my lap on the couch, signing "the bus". I, who was adamantly against her riding the bus, then had to put her on it because of vehicle problems, was trying to comfort a child who adamantly WANTED to ride the bus. *sighs*

It was a busy afternoon...I was whooped. What am I going to do with these knees??/

Got a new "do"

2011-03-13T09:30:00.001-04:00

afterBefore, a little windy out side.

I tried, really I tried. My daughters begged me to let my grow. I tried. I just could not take it ANY longer...I mean that in many ways. I felt like I looked like an old harried worn out woman...(which in fact I may very well be) but I just wanted to look better. I have this unruly natural wavy body to my hair that tends toward the frizzy...so WHACK, chopped it all off. Just like that. It's a little shorter than I was shooting for, but it will grow back. It's all spikey in the back. I keep going back and forth on whether I like it or not. I need some of that hair putty stuff that makes you hair stay where you put it.( Also, cannot believe I've been in Walmart about five times and STILL keep forgetting to get some.) The cut also took away all the blonde and just left all the multitude of gray. LOTS of it.

Honestly, looking in the mirror, I feel disappointed. I realize as I walk away, no matter what I do to my hair, liking the way I look will not change unless I change my attitude about the way I look. By no coincidence, my daily devotion had pointed out God made us the way he wanted us, and how must it seem to him if we are never happy with HIS creation. It has given me pause. I'm trying to change my thought process. Trying to change.

Some more February Scrapbook Pages

2011-03-12T09:19:00.000-05:00

My Grandparents. They died within a year of each other. My Grandpa died after suffering many months with a slow-eating colon cancer. It was a blessing, because he suffered so long. His children, while sad, were ready to let him go. His funeral was very sad. My boy cousins were just a mess. personally, trying to comfort a crying man is one of the harder things to do in life. I don't know if my sister felt this way, but I never really felt loved by my grandparents until I was a grown woman. They never really warmed up to Mom and us not being my dad's bio. kids even though he adopted us and loves us as such. I wrote Ecclesiates 3 on vellum under their picture, it seemed so appropriate. My Grandma died unexpectedly. Dying in her sleep, my aunt found her that way. In a prayer stance laying in bed. They LOVED to go to Walmart and sit back in the McDonalds. Many people loved them. OF course, this page speaks for itself. Lillian in her bat costume. Typically, I don't like one picture layouts. I feel it starts to be more about the page than the actual photo. Sometimes, it just can't be helped. This was the only pic I had of Lillian in her costume, so there ya go.

And, a page commemorating my newest nephew's birth.

As a rule, I don't photograph every scrap book page I make...but when I'm working alone I'll sometimes snap a pic with my cell phone and send it to Amanda, my usual scrapbook buddy. Of course, this one being of her son, i thought she would like to see it.

sings, "sisters, sisters"

2011-03-11T08:29:00.006-05:00

My one and only sister. Where shall I start? My sister, she is the elder....heh heh heh....not by much, but older still. *insert giggling, because I know she is probably reading* Oh my goodness, what an interesting life she has given me. She has had me on as much an emotional roller coaster as I've ever been. She is one of those people who seem to have a little storm cloud that chases her wherever she might go. It's like, if something bad is going to happen, it's going to happen to her. Mom always used to say that. Somehow, though, she always comes out of it for the better. Let's see, how bout the time we found her unconcious, 38 weeks pregnant at her bedside. OR, how bout the time she hydroplaned on the interstate and rolled her van down and embankment, breaking her back and shoulder. How bout the time, she nudged a car in the Walmart parking lot, called the police and ironically got HERSELF taken to jail? WHILE my baby was in the NICU. (that'll be a chapter in my book, My Sister's stent in the poky) All of these instances, while terrible at the time actually had a positive turn out. Thank the Lord, she was healed of the medical issues she faced at those times, and the little overnight stay with our fine law enforcement was simply an error in paperwork. Don't you just love the system?

We have fought, loved, interfered, cried, laughed...laughed, cried, fought, interfered, laughed...you get the idea. She annoys me and I annoy her. We don't always see eye to eye. Our personalities are pretty opposite. We can gripe to each other in a way that noone else can understand. All because we are sisters. We live pretty far apart now. Since I moved to Seymour, most of the family refers to me being in KY. That part is not so great, but we have phones, internet and we do visit.

My sister is about to embark on a form of bypass surgery. She has accomplished all of the pre-surgery requirements and has made some tremendous changes in her diet. I am so proud. She has a date, May 11. We are both heavy set women. I keep saying in my head, "if she can quit, I can quit". I'm not there, but I should be...anyway, like I said, I'm so proud of the changes she is making. I know this surgery is a step she needs to continue to live on this Earth. I also know she is in the hands of the Lord.

*Crystal, stop reading or get you some kleenex*

I'm proud. I'm excited. I'm afraid. I know how high the risk is. It's a dangerous step, but a step she must take. I am annoyed at myself for having fear, but she is my ONLY sister. The ONLY person who has born my ONLY blood niece and nephew. She is the ONLY person who will fight with me and make up with in under five minutes. We are all we have. How will I cope if this little cloud doesn't provide a rainbow? There. Maybe I can quiet the fear now. I've named it so maybe it can be silent.

This will be a long road for her, her children, and her husband. Met with many challenges and good things. I'm excited. I'll be there for encouragement, love, and understanding. She may not know the depth of my love, but I hope she does.

"There were never such devoted sisters"

Peace be still.

Craftapalooza

2011-03-10T09:05:00.003-05:00

February was a busy month. I made a lot more things than I realized. This is a birthday card I made for my BFFF Marcia...I found the template on you tube and this is what I created.

It was really pretty easy to make, but measurment needs to be very accurate or your folds won't match up. She LOVED it.

February also brought Valentine's Day. I made many, many little truffle boxes for Lillian's teachers and therapists. Each one held two oreo truffles I'd made the day before.

Last, but not least I made Lillian's valentines for her class. Aren't these the cutest. Thanks to my cricut cutting all those hearts, it didn't take long to assemble and finish. I wrote "Fishing you a Happy Valentine's Day" on the back. I thought they turned out pretty cute. I'm just noticing how messy my desk is when I'm working, please try to ignore that. :)

Hobby Lobby-ing

2011-03-09T17:20:00.005-05:00

I went to Hobby Lobby today because...

1. I felt it imperative that I go see if there was anything I might need for creating thank you cards...*clears throat*

2. Anything that was the Paper Studios brand was 40 % off, so that would definitely be helpful with item #1

Don't you think that is reason enough to visit one of my favorite stores ever? I mean, I'm SURE I didn't have enough materials here in my exploding craft room to complete them....hmmm

I was able to make a few purchases...however, nothing that would compliment what I already had for my cards. Seriously, I tried. I am so not trying to defend myself here.

I might need therapy...oops, already had it...RETAIL therapy...

After our little Hobby Lobby trip, in which I did NOT run out of time to find a night light for Lil's room (she's afraid of the dark all of a sudden) or a frame for the painting Matt did last year because I spent almost an hour in the scrapbook aisles, well and I did browse me some clearance too....*sighs* Ok, so I did run out of time, but that means I'll just have to make another trip to that fine establishment. :)

After HL, I met my SIL, Niece, and great Nephews for lunch at Riviera Maya. YUM. Wednesdays they have my favorite meal as a lunch special. YEE HAW. Then we beelined back to Seymour for Lillian's therapy. Here's a little pic of Lillian and Isaiah as we left the restaurant. Since I can no longer figure out how to move pics in blogger, they are at the top....

I'm so tickled

2011-03-08T20:32:00.002-05:00

I'm not taking very good pictures these day...ugh..

I may be a dork, but I'm totally excited... my sister-in-law really touched my heart by asking me to make some thank you cards for her son's upcoming wedding. Not for guests, but for people who are helping out behind the scenes. Her only wish was that I use the wedding colors and add thank you somewhere. Here are two that I have done. They are on cream card stock, some of the Linen closet card stock, and pieces of pearlized peach card. The colors are cream, peach, and light gray/pewter. Several more to go, but I think all the cards are going to be different, but using like materials. Woot!! (woot, this a term that I find so bizarre, but my sister uses it a lot, so now I'm using it because I'm a dork and it just seems so dorky) Word of the day---Dork, Woot. :)

Another Butterfly Card

2011-03-07T13:10:00.004-05:00

Lil' 'Bil fell asleep right on my shoulder last night as I sat in my craft room, so I got her to bed after I held her for much longer than I'm sure was necessary...but those moments are getting more and more rare. I mean, there is nothing quite like cuddling your sleeping babies or not so babies...ANYWAY...

I like butterflies, hard to tell, right? I love leaves too. Matt kids me about all the leafy stuff I have. The card has more of the little DCWV stack that I love, the ribbon is from Walmart on the clearance shelf. It's hard to see, but that card stack is all glittery, I LOVE it. Did I mention that? The stamp is from a little dollar set I got at Archivers. The butterfly was cut with the cricut serenade cartidge.

A little crafting

2011-03-06T20:05:00.003-05:00

Two more pages for Lillian's first year

cute little butterfly things I got in the Dollar Tree....

Translated to butterfly sympathy card. Those two pieces of card stock on the right are from DCWV card stock stack called Linen Closet. I LOVE the prints in it, but I had to restrain myself so I only got the 4 x6 stack. The stamp is called an innie outie stamp or something like that, there is a coordinating sentiment on it for the inside of the card. The other papers are from a new stack I bought the same day as the DCWV, BUT I got the 12 x 12 of it, and it is K and Company and it has all these pretty butterfly/bird/botanicals in it. LOVE LOVE LOVE it. So you see, I had to make hard choices.

I've been really wanting to spend time in my craft room, BUT, I just can't seem to be in there as much as I want. I thought maybe I should set some goals for getting some things done, but not sure yet. Thought I would share a few things I have done recently

Should be cleaning

2011-03-05T14:22:00.002-05:00

I really should be, but I can't seem to find my mojo...HA! Really, I just keep doing tiny little minute things that are really not making ANY impact. Instead, I'm here blogging...I do clean and the older I get, (just turned the big 3-5) I enjoy it more. I get this strange sense of peace as I watch the dirt go down the drain...or see the shiny tables. Dust actually makes me wince a little, when I find it...and believe me, in my house, you'll find it. I'm by no means a great housekeeper nor a clean freak neatnik kinda girl. Just ask my family, they will certainly agree. Some more than others. I have come a LONG way though, in my housekeeping and it seems I actually like doing it. Somebody get a thermometer and check for a fever...for real.

Seriously, I have been crazy busy. At least ONE of my kids has taken turns with strep or bronchitis, or gastritis or ear infections for over a month. Not only do we have Lillian's "normal" issues, the other girls have been feeling it too. I HATE for my kids to be sick. When they are sick sick, you know, not sleeping, fevering, making you worry your little heart out sick? Hopefully, I think we are on the mend. Praise the Lord.

Today marks Madeline's ninth birthday. How is that even possible, I just don't know. Seems like yesterday she was laying on the couch with my "wuiwt" as she would say. Such a vibrant, full of energy, slightly sneaky, little girl, growing too fast for her Mommy. Singing, as we speak as she travels up the stairs. She helped me make treat bags for her class on Friday and they turned out adorable. Tomorrow, my family will gather and celebrate and tonight her boy cousins on Matt's side will be here for a play date in her honor. She will feast on her favorite Mcdonald's meal and all will be right in her world.

I hear the sound of the pledge can beckoning me to the living room, I suppose I must heed it's call.

Do you like to clean? Has your cleaning regime changed a lot over the years?

The day my heart broke and surrendered

2011-03-01T18:00:00.004-05:00

A friend recently gave me a book about being grateful in the midst of EVERYTHING. I'm about 1/3 of the way through the book. It got me to thinking about the journey we've been walking, I felt compelled to share a bit of something that has brought change in my heart.

About five and half, maybe six years ago, my parents split up. I was devastated, more from the standpoint that I felt my Mom was walking away from our/her faith. I felt everything I cherished in family was dissolving and there was absolutely NOTHING I could do about it. Around the same time, my aunt was losing her battle with cancer AND one of my lifelong friends had given birth to her first daughter in her 27th week of pregnancy as a stillborn. I was midway in my pregnancy with Lillian. We buried my Aunt and my friend buried her precious Cortland on the same day. I couldn't fathom worse emotions than I was experiencing in those particular months. I remember holding on to my Mom and the dam breaking in the hours preceding the funeral. I sat in tears through the funeral, mourning my aunt and thinking of my friend in a cemetery lowering a tiny coffin in the ground.

Life moved on, as it does, and I learned to cope. I leaned on my faith and tried to figure out how to deal with the emotional upheavel I was dealing with in mourning the loss of my parents' marriage, I believe death would have been an easier situation to cope with. At least in death, there is an end. There aren't unhappy eyes to look into, awkward conversations, or anger I didn't know how to deal with.

11/24/06 I am admitted into the hospital for an amniocentesis and external aversion to try to see if my pregnancy could come to and end and my precious baby could come into the world and bring me joy. After everything we had been through, including facing financial pitfalls, (we lost our home and had to move while I was on bedrest) I was so looking forward to something sweet and precious.

She was born. My world turned on it's axis and hasn't been the same ever since. I've always thought I had prayed and asked AND followed God's will for my life. I realize, looking back, I'm not sure I really had. I received Christ as my savior as very small child and recommitted my life to him as a preteen girl. I'm not sure, aside from living a fairly "morally " good existence, that I really understood what it meant.

We sat in the little room, while the doctor's gave us the most heart wrenching news we'd ever heard regarding our child's life and very existence. My pastor, after hearing our news, asked me if she died today, would I call her back to this Earth. After a moment, I tearfully answered no. Selfish me would not want to let her go, but Jesus in me knew God knows better than me. My heart broke and surrendered to the will of the Almighty. I know it sounds almost contradictory, but it really isn't. I have been seeking to see Him in this entire situation. It has changed my outlook on SO many things. May God continue to be glorified and uplifted through this broken, surrendered heart.

Valentine's Day Date

2011-02-14T08:11:00.002-05:00

Imagine, a candlelit walk way leading into a room decorated very tastefully for Valentine's Day. Tables set for two glimmering with candlelight. There are three balloons on the end of the table, a bag of hersheys valentine chocolates on the other. White table linens with red napkins accentuate the red all along the tables. Soft music plays in the background. We are seated and a waiter in white dress shirt and black dress pants approaches us quietly and offers us drinks. A beautiful appetizer of homemade bruschetta is already prepared and waiting for us. We are served gourmet style salads, a main course of hand rolled chicken cordon blue, sauted vegetables and some very smooth sweet potato souffle with a heart shaped pat of compound butter on the top. Sparkling red grape juice is filled in our champaigne flutes all throughout the evening. We are then led to stand up, join hands and a song is played so we might share a slow dance. We are reseated and served a gorgeous trifle of heart shaped chocolate sponge cakes layered with chocolate mouse, chopped strawberries and topped with almonds. Chocolate and strawberry sauces create a flower pattern under the petite dessert and a single chocolate dipped strawberry garnishes the plate. We then hear a very brief word on marriage and are served very decadent chocolate truffles. There is a second slow dance. The night is peaceful, filled with love. Our server, prays over us and says a prayer of blessing over our marriage. The evening comes to a close and as we exit, we are presented a frame with our picture, taken before we entered the room. This was a truly beautiful, elegant evening. We were so blessed to attend. Time alone is very rare in our life. It was great to sit across from each other in such a romantic setting and relive some of those moments in life we shared as a young couple just starting out. The church we are currently attending invited us to their Valentine's banquet and for $15.00, we shared a night that was priceless. Happy Valentine's Day, Matt, to 18 years of Valentine's days together, I love you more today than ever.

So Many Changes

2011-02-07T21:09:00.005-05:00

There have been many changes in the household...let's see where shall I start. We did do homeschooling for one semester. It was very evidently clear to me that I was in over my head. I was never able to purchase a curriculum and build my own was just not happening. I had a very heavy heart...very many tears and prayer, I felt it was not the path for us. After all wassaid and done, I truly believe I answered God's calling and I believe that was what it was about. My following what He asked me to do and learning to listen to His voice. All of the girls have entered school again, even Lillian. They are all doing very well and are very happy. I still have anxiety about Lillian, but am leaning on my faith.

We have also moved AGAIN. Several months ago, it became very obvious to us that we could no longer afford the home we were living in. While we had hoped to purchase the home, we were denied a loan and also knew in the long run it would be more than we could be approved for to begin with. I had become very discouraged, we were drowning financially and I felt completely overwhelmed. I searched and searched for homes that would locate us back in Columbus, but that door was just not opening for us. The homes were either in a neighborhood we would not choose to live or in a decent neighborhood, too much for us to pay. I was feeling completely overwrought and finally decided that God had a reason for us to stay in the country house, but just could not understand why, but I gave it over to him and gave up. Stopped looking. About a month later, I was enrolling the kids back in public school and in doing so, passed a house for rent/sale by owner. I called him, and within a weekend we looked at the house, loved it, and signed the papers to move in. We moved in January 1 and find ourselves very happy here. We haved moved back into town and aside from little bumps in the road, we are doing well. God willing, we are here to stay, we would love and plan to go under contract for the home, but will see how things go. We truly have NO desire to move again any time soon.

We have visited a new church and aside from some very big differences in worship, not bad, just different...we are all liking it a lot. The Sunday School class has been wonderful for me and I truly believe the Holy Spirit led us to this church. I am continuing to pray about it though.

I have not had a computer for over a month and it seems one of them actually kicked the bucket. The other one is very old and I dont' know that it will be rehabed. God bless my cousin, he is working on it for me. I did have the ability to purchase an HP notebook this very evening, and have to say I like it. I like being able to travel with my PC and not being locked down in one room is great ecspecially because of Lil Bil, who is into EVERYTHING. (currently blogging from bed whoop)
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I've had some pretty big "aha" moments lately. I have been doing a daily devotional for three weeks now..and I'm committed to growing in the Lord. I am wishing I could find a deeper kind of study, though. I like the devotion, but I would like something deeper. I seem at a loss when I go trying to find something. I do have Becoming a Titus 2 woman, so I think that is next. It seems there should be much more to tell, but alas I've had a very trying day and I think I'm pooped.

So

2011-02-07T21:09:00.001-05:00

2010-10-31T23:37:00.002-04:00

Do you see happiness
Do you see love
Do you see faith
Do you see compassion
If you are watching...

Do you see the struggles
Do you feel the pain
Do you understand the trials
Do you look deeper
If you are trying....

Do you know the bitterness
Do you know it's roots
Do you see it growing
Do you know how to stop it
If you only knew...

Do you know the difficulty
Do you know how to cope
Do you think it will change
Do you wonder, why now
If you only could...

I'm different now
I'm trying to fit in
I'm feeling lost
I'm trying to grasp peace
If only...

First time for everything

2010-08-02T18:24:00.003-04:00

Today was our first day of home school. The kids were very excited, and ready to learn. At first it was shaky and now that we have day one under our belts, I feel a little more like I know what I'm doing. HA! We'll see if they know anything by the end of the year..hee hee!They were very enthusiastic about doing math...I know, crazy, right??
I'm struggling with some issues, that are pretty big and some that aren't, but struggling just the same. I don't want to really go into it all, because I just don't want to open the flood gates. I know it doesn't matter if we are different. We have more than the average household, we have a special needs child, I'm a stay at home mom, (and let me tell you, that is an oddity by this society's standard). I'm pretty conservative. On the verge of very conservative. We don't have a large income and things stay nice and tight. Most days, I feel like I'm a duck without a pond. Most days.

I just feel dumb...

2010-07-29T17:42:00.001-04:00

Ok, aside from putting ingredients in my bread machine to make dough and pressing the bake cycle...WHY can I not figure out how to put a header on my blog??? Can someone please enlighten me??

Fearless?

2010-07-12T00:18:00.003-04:00

As I lay in bed with my sweet Lillian, rubbing her head to get her to sleep, I had time for reflection. I thought about today, and Isabelle showing her profession of faith, then my mind jumped to Lillian again and my fears that nestle deep down, that I bury, about her well being. It got me to thinking about my childhood and what a fearful child I was. While I took no thought to grabbing hold of a grapevine and swinging out over a ravine...I vividly remember being frightened when I heard a car squealling down our rural country road. I was raised in a mobile home in the woods and when someone went tearing down the road at night, you heard it. Even though our home was up on a hill and our driveway was a hill, my mind's eye always imagined some crazy person flying up the driveway and into our house (in the car). Particularly when there was a fight in the family I worried someone would retailiate against us. I also recall being afraid to sleep on the top bunk bc I thought someone could actually scale the home and climb in a teeny tiny window just to hurt me. The storms...oh the storms, just terrified me. I remember many a times watching the winds cause these mammoth trees to seemingly bow down to the ground. When my Dad built rooms onto the mobile home for my sister and me, I specifically recall telling him I didn't want a window. I think he laughed.

Several times, during winter Mom and I were frightened out of bed by the fire alarm and we all (except Dad) ran over to Grandma's house til he figured out what was wrong. You don't hang out in a single wide mobile home when fire is perhaps in the walls...

Some of my fears were rational, such as my parents' splitting up, some of them weren't...such as
'Jaws' coming up through the bath tub drain to eat me. (I might mention that my mother used to let the drain suction onto my butt and make me think the sink was trying to suck me down...) ahem...anyway, I think my fears followed me all through my life. I was always desperate to have a boyfriend, and being from small town IN and being slightly bigger than most girls in my class, that was not going to happen. I felt so insecure about myself and was so enamored when a boy did show me attention, that I totally let go of myself at a very young age. It was nuts. To think at the age of 15 I would expect to marry someone that I was dating then. I also remember crying when in my junior year a boy that I was dating broke up with me. I thought my life was over...seriously.

I used to be so afraid of death or worry that my Mom would die. She was very sick when we were quite small (and actually continues to battle health issues).

Early on as a married couple I was fearful to stay home alone while Matt worked late into the nights. It was nuts. Nuts, nuts nuts. That fear passed as my Mother and father in law prayed over me one day for the Lord to take my fear away. And He did.

As an adult, my fears are so much bigger but it took me years to learn to give them to God. While I know nothing is certain, I know that because of God, I will be able to get through it. I was afraid when my baby was struggling to survive, but she still ives. I was afraid when I brought her home, but I'm still her best caregiver. I was afraid when the flood threatened to take away everything we had, but it didn't. I was afraid when I had to find a new place to live, but God provided a home. I was afraid when I thought a tornado was going to whisk us away and I couldn't get my baby disconnected from her machines in time, but a tree just landed on the house and we were safe. Not to say there aren't many obstacles to still overcome in light of such circumstances, and there have been harsh realities, but God is taking us through them all. I have faith that is bigger than my fear and I only hope that I can impart this to my children so they will not carry with them a spirit of fear.

Rejoicing

2010-07-10T12:37:00.002-04:00

Tomorrow, Isabelle, my ten year old will be baptized. She accepted Christ as her savior some time ago, but baptism has always frightened my kids a little, so I do not press. I pray. It is one of the few times in life that I recall weeping in pure joy. Typically, I'm a crier, most of my emotions come out in tears. Tomorrow will be joyful tears. There is nothing in my heart but love and joy in seeing my girls follow in believer's baptism. I have allowed her to choose the lunch menu, which will be spaghetti with my homemade sauce, garlic bread, and cake for dessert.

God is good.

Butterscotch Rice Crispy Treats

2010-07-06T13:50:00.003-04:00

Do you love the rice crispy treats? I do...but I'm not a huge fan of making them. I was given this recipe long ago and have found it easier to make and just as tasty. My first impression upon hearing the recipe made me cringe. While I liked all the ingredients separately, I thought it sounded nasty all together...until I tasted it. After that, I had trouble walking away from the pan....*sighs*...hence it does not get made often here, so I don't eat it all!
Super simple and quick.

Ingredients
3/4 c creamy peanut butter
1 bag butterscotch chips
5-6 c rice crispy cereal

Microwave peanut butter and chips until smooth, about 1 1/2 minutes, stirring until smooth. Stir in cereal to desired consistency and press into 9x13 pan. I butter the pan. Let sit, if you can, lol, and cut into squares, voila---let me know if you try it and if you like it. ALL of my kids love it as does my husband. It's a family pleaser! I'd post a picture, but they were all eaten before I had the chance.

Having one of those weeks?

2010-06-30T23:48:00.003-04:00

I am. I have been very raw the last week. Short on patience and very tearful. Can't really put my finger on anything in particular, just low. I'm not hormonal, not pregnant and all I can think of is the devil. Really, I'm just so blah. I feel guilty for how unsettled I feel and my reactions are not really all that good by night time.

There has been a lot of animal death here on the farm which does not help the mood. I had an out loud chat with God and Satan today.

I am again reminded of how weak a person I really am and how God is the only reason I keep on keeping on.

I am certain Lillian's condition roller coaster is the driving force, but it is not at the forefront of my mind most of the time. I pray and pep talk myself each night. I'm just funk-i-fied I guess. A funk, for sure.

Going to spend the afternoon at a friends house on the lake, the girls will swim and Lil' and I will watch. fun in the sun and then it is off to VBS.

PS- Is it July already?? How is that possible?

Squire Boon Caverns June 2010

2010-06-30T13:09:00.002-04:00

Waterfall that you actually walk over....

In front fo the rim dam

Rim Dam

Because our local community offers a summer reading program, our girls were able to earn free coupons for the caverns, which I thought was totally cool. All of them managed to earn them relatively quickly so I planned a little excursion after Lillian's not so great doctor appointment. We had a very fun day and the girls really enjoyed the cavern tour. Some place I'm sure we will travel to again. I had been to this place when I was fifteen and have always wanted to go again. Matt was able to take the day off and we had a nice family day. Helped to keep my mind of the days' earlier news for sure. The cavern was more than 90 ft below ground and has one of two of the US's cave rim dams with a huge water fall. I may be screwing up the real history, but it was something like that. It is also the world's 2nd largest living cavern. Our tour guide was great and full of information. There is a little village to look around with a candle making shop, working grist mill, and soap making shop. Although the heat was unbelieveable outside we still had a great time. I was surprised at how much the kids really enjoyed it.

Memorial Day Memories

2010-06-29T13:00:00.002-04:00

Grandma going down the drive with Lillian, Rebecca and Isabelle

Matt retaliating against Lois (our niece) for the second picture from this one...

All the grub

Lois and Matt, it's a love/hate relationship...not really.

Another sweet pic...

We had a nice day, good weather and good food. We had invited some extended relatives, but noone showed. Had a great day anyway. A new tradition in the making?

Another day.

2010-06-07T21:27:00.004-04:00

School is out huraah huraahh! We are having a great summer so far. Trying to get a pool filled and making plans for play dates and all such good things. BUT- today is a hard day. Today, I once again had to leave the kids with Grandpa so we can prepare for our overnight stay at the hospital, again. I realize how fortunate we are, I really do. These particular days, however, are so hard emotionally on my "normal" children. They are scared and worried and want to be home. I know it is difficult for them to process. The littler ones anyway. I know this. I don't know, though, why it hurts me so much. It seems like I should be accustomed to it by now. But still my heart aches as they call me crying wanting to come home and just go to a babysitter. It makes me doubtful and it basically just breaks my heart. I wish it would get easier.

Wonder how many times that thought crossed Jesus' mind? I wonder.

Tomorrow will hopefully be the final chapter of the tracheostomy, but if it's not, then oh well, on we trod.

There will be more days like these ahead, this I know.

Scrapbook pages and cards

2010-05-28T09:25:00.004-04:00

This is an accordian style keepsake book filled with little envelopes. Envelopes were preceding..stinkin' blogger...;)

I seem to have a butterfly fettish?? I also love leaves. My hubs makes fun of me...

Loved this card, but super time consuming...but also lots of fun! Note the tiny button "sprinkles"

This was part of our Labor Day activities

In hindsight (I tried later, but it would have destroyed the paper) I would have put the picture in the 'sky' of the page and printed my journaling on vellum so I could still see the images on the bottom of the cute paper.

Tip- try journalin on vellum, that way you can still see your cute papers.

Hoedown, 'F' page.

More labor day, why in the world can't I move my pictures around in blogger anymore...a little frustrating, I might say...

Our church started hosting craft days one Saturday a month and I've been able to attend two so far. It is great. Everyone brings their cricut...(which I am now proudly owning bc my wonderful hubs got me one for Mother's Day!!!) We share ideas, fellowship, of course we have snacks and we get to work all day long. It is truly a great way to get things done. (we could probably get more done if we didn't chit chat so much, but still productive) It is also interesting to see how other folks work. I actually met someone who solely does two page layouts. I shudder at the thought...lol. I just try to take really good pics and I do as many pages as needed to finish. Lots of times, I have other folks that give me good pics and I want to include those too. Try not to limit myself.

Now that I've shared some stuff, I'm a-hankerin' for some more. I want to work on stuff. My papers and stickers call to me. *sighs* I fear I must probably do the dishes first and then run some errands. A days duties are never done...

Many Many Babies

2010-05-23T17:37:00.003-04:00

We are now the owners of 4 dogs and 11 puppies. Yes, our female dog just gave birth yesterday. She had 12, but the seventh was still born. They are such cute little things, actually not really, the quite remind me of the muskrat out in the pond..hee hee. It was also the first times the kids were able to witness a live birth. I thought Rebecca would die..she came in so upset...her- "mom, mom, something's wrong, the baby is covered in plastic" I had difficulty not giggling when trying to explain to her that is was all normal. When they saw the Mama eating all the yucky stuff, I really thought someone was going to lose their lunch. Never a dull moment.
I really am in disbelief that she had so many. So, in 8-10 weeks if you are looking for a new four legged friend--holla.

Aside from a massive explosion of puppies we currently have three litters of kittens, totalling nine new kitties. I know you are saying to your self, are those people crazy?? Well, the answer there is probably yes. But seriously, when we moved here, the owner of the house left several outside cats, enough said. We had our dogs scheduled to be neutered/spayed, but they couldn't get them in for a week and half. Even after separating and leashing them in separate stalls, they still mated. I think I may have to get a weekend job to afford all the critters. Mercy. Praying we are able to find good homes for them when the time comes.

It is H-O-T, hot here today and slightly muggy, not really comfortable weather to be outside. Unless you are just lazing on the porch anyway.

I tried a new recipe today AND I used my pressure cooker and was quite happy with the results. Even the kids liked it. I had my microwave, breadmaker, and pressure cooker going at the same time and was moderately concerned about blowing a fuse, but all was well, and dinner was had in a very timely fashion. It is going in the recipe file. Apricot chicken. I think I'm making some cinnamon bread that I found on another blog, and trying yet another new recipe for supper tonight. Broccoli and sausage penne. Should be interesting. I love the website Allrecipes.com, if you are looking for some new things to try, it is a great resource. I have found some gems there.

I'm off to make dinner and surrender the computer to Madeline, who has informed me that I've "been on for hours"...ummm, yeah, right. How was your weekend, try anything new? Need a puppy??

Under Pressure

2010-05-20T13:01:00.002-04:00

I bought a pressure cooker. I've been wanting one for quite a while and finally took the leap and got one. It is the electric variety and I L-O-V-E it. I've made four meals in it so far and it has not been a disappointment. Here's the trouble...I need more recipes. Do you suppose I could just swap crock pot recipes? I'm just not sure. I love to cook and have lots of cookbooks, but in today's society I think the pressure cooker has gone by the wayside. I'm also excited bc we planted our first garden and I will be able to can in it as well. Who of you uses the almighty pressure cooker?? Got any good recipes? Are you afraid to cook under pressure? I assure you, it is safe, fast, and the results are scrumptious.

I also planted my first herb garden this year. I thought, at the time, I don't need to mark what they are, I'll know what they are when they are grown....well, that is a good theory, and I do know, HOWeVER, cilantro and flat leaf parsley are very similar, so I'm relying on my taste buds to help me out. LOL. It would also have been interesting to know what was what in it's baby stages. Oh well, live and learn.

Track has ended for Bethany and it is so nice to not have to leave and pick her up every day at five. I feel like my evening has returned. School will be out soon and we can enjoy summer and all that is has in store.

What are your summer plans? Do you have a garden?

I'm coming out

2010-05-19T10:33:00.002-04:00

Hee hee, how's that for a attention getter?? I've been keeping a secret, sort of. I'm slowly sharing with my friends...and taking in all the opinions. So, let's hear from the blog-o-spere.

It has been laid on my heart for a couple years to homeschool our children. Two years ago, I think I could not have handled everything. Given Lillian's medical issues and all that we were struggling through with her, I just don't think I could have done it. Matt was also not on board and I knew I definitely needed his support. I let the matter go. I decided I could not proceed without him. At the beginning of this year, (with no comment or discussion) he brought it up and felt we should try it. I was thrilled. We have made the decision to move forward with this beginning with the coming school year. I am nervous, and at times doubtful, but I really believe God is leading in this. Our desire is for our family to draw closer together to one another and to the Lord.

I realize it will not be easy. I know there will be bad days. I also know God is in it and He will carry us through.

The Ache

2010-04-22T09:57:00.002-04:00

I can't help but feel it. I can't really say I've ever felt it before, but I feel the pang of missing out on the healthy birth of my girl. While I don't dwell on this, and haven't bc it is not reality. But today a friend delivered a healthy little girl and I felt the pang. I am SO happy for her and so thankful, but for a moment I felt that robbed feeling. I missed having that opportunity. As there are no plans for any more children in my future, that is one of the things I was most looking forward to with Lillian and I didn't get it. This whole thing with her airway honestly feels like just like being in the NICU again. All this wretched information about her airway. It's like being the little room again. It is difficult to explain or for anyone to even understand. It is wearing to hear people tell you all the crap that you already know...ie..."she's here"..."look at everything she's come through"...HELLOOOOO I get it. I know this, I know it all. However, we are not talking about a broken bone. WE are talking about her ability to BREATHE. I feel raw. Like an open nerve. Really what I think I want is to unleash all the thoughts I have running through my head, but I can't and won't bc noone is to blame. This is the way God intended. This is the path.

My friend with ALS died Monday and her funeral viewing is tonight. Funeral is tomorrow. Will be a difficult ending to a difficult week.

So, here's some new stuff

2010-02-20T18:23:00.003-05:00

I've been a crazy busy woman with all my kiddos and mostly all Lillian's stuff, but I thought I'd show some new things from our lives.

For Christmas, Matt got me this lovely necklace and I know the pic is not great, but it is a heart locket and there are five little angel/birthstone charms representing all my little lovelies. Soooo cute!

We, for the first time ever got a new living room suit. I LOVE it. I also collect miniature tea sets and I haven't had a display case for them for about 3 years. It brings me such joy to be able to have them out again. I also have "new" hair. I HAD to get me some highlights bc someone guessed me 10 years over my actual age. My ego just can't take it anymore.lol. The back in wedged and a darker color...sorry, no back shot.

Sound off! Like my hair? Do you have a cute necklace/jewelry to represent your kiddos?

What is it with teen/preteen girls???

2010-01-21T11:44:00.002-05:00

Well, I've been blog absent for a while. I actually came here to unload the yuckiness that I'm experiencing right now, BUT have decided NOT to. Instead, I will talk about the anxt that my sweet daughters are causing. Honestly, I love them...but they DRIVE me crazy sometimes. Seriously, my eldest wears two bras and two to three shirts every day. YES, everyday. What in the world? And why is it that they find bathing to be such a pain. They do it, but for some reason they don't think they need to.....hello, are their noses on vacation. Socks...there's another topic. Why do they think they can wear the same pair of socks several days in a row. Really we are not hygenically challenged. We (the parentals) change clothes, bathe and all that daily. Deodorant....teeth brushing. I could go on and on. Where in the world have I failed??? *sighs* Skip this part, if you don't like TMI, but my 12 year old recently asked me how to keep her private area from smelling bad, I said, well, you wash it and change your underwear everyday. Guess what, she wasn't changing everyday. Lord. have. mercy. No wonder I go to bed feeling like the world's worst mother. MOTY lives. (Steph over at Daily Smiles is trying to take my title, but I think I'm still in the lead)

And now, the boy factor is a major thing. I'm not sure how I will continue to cross this mine field of puberty without some casualty. (them not me)

PS- this post is meant to be funny.

So-what are you up to?

2009-12-15T20:48:00.002-05:00

This is what we've been doing...

Many firsts

2009-12-04T18:17:00.002-05:00

It has been a nut house here in the Halcomb family. My baby starting preschool, turning three, thanksgiving, some new sickness to deal with every week and my first actual traffic ticket in my 15+ years of driving. On Lillian's first day of school no less. My girls are growing up fast. It makes me reel to think Bethany will be in highschool next year. She is blossoming from a young cute girl into a beautiful young woman. She is tasting the first fruits of a "real" boyfriend and a breakup, but she is handling it all like a champ. Rebecca is a social butterfly and soaring through her classes with little thought to it, just flapping her wings through life. Isabelle and Madeline are doing much better in school this year, what a blessing and they are too starting to grow up from being "little" kids. Me, well, I'm just trying to balance it all. We are still enjoying the house and the land, albeit there have been some issues, but in the great scheme of life we will just deal with it because we love it here.

Our four outside dog family dwindled down to two now back up to three and amongst the many barn cats we have also added two rabbit girls to the farm. (one which I thought would live and die here all in one day had it not been for my swift action in saving it from the puppy)

Pictures, well I'd have loved to added pics through out this story but I am thoroughly disgusted with my so called rechargable batteries. BLECK! This is the second system I've bought that seemingly is failing. Any thoughts out there digital camera users? Totally annoyed.

I have not gotten my Christmas decor up yet, but priorities...I haven't blogged in a coon's age...LOL.

I have a gripe I want to share about the things people say that they shouldn't, but I have decided against it. I just need to let it go and move on. Regardless of how it affects me. I just wish I could be more quick witted when people say stupid things. Truthfully, it's best that I don't, bc although they are hurting me it would be wrong just to hurt them right back.

So holla back blog friends, do you have your decorations up yet? any answers for the stupid digital batteries?

Surviving the Fall

2009-11-05T15:34:00.002-05:00

Seriously, I have fallen twice in five days. Saturday, my grace slipped and fell in my tub. You'd think with all this padding it wouldn't be so painful...notsomuch. Yesterday, I almost threw away some stale crackers and I thought to myself, self...go throw them in the field for the birds. So, I did. On my way back to the house, I stepped in a cleverly disguised hole and gave myself whiplash. Thank the Lord for sparing my face and for a very kind therapist who taped me. My neck is killing me. Almost to tears. ACK.

I have friend on Facebook is in strong competition to beat me in Farmville, so I'm working very hard to stay ahead.

Rebecca is home sick and not looking good AT ALL. Had to make a run to the Vortex for sprite and pedialyte for the sickly children in this house.

Our first annual Halcomb Hoe Down was a success. We had a good turn out and I think a good time was had by all. If I ever figure out how to redownload my programs that I lost the software too, I might be able to post pics again someday.

I know this is a crazy random post..but I haven't posted in so long, I wanted to get something out here. This no trach thing has been a big difference in this house.

A weight has lifted

2009-10-23T10:40:00.002-04:00

Did you know how much a tiny little piece of plastic can weigh a person down? I feel lighter. I'm looking forward to bigger and better things. How much will life change now? I'm relieved, I think my kids are relieved. There is a bit more peace about us all. I, of course, sometimes have the sense of dread that something "worse" is going to happen now. It is insane. I do not linger on that thought. I push it aside and truly enjoy what a blessing it is to be right where we are. How blessed I am.

HUGE NEWS

2009-10-15T11:39:00.002-04:00

Hey there blog world, if you don't know already, check out Lillian's webpage....BIG NEWS over there!!!

Laundry Fairy? Cooking Fairy? Tooth fairy-can I get a loan?

2009-10-10T03:14:00.003-04:00

Seriously, I am so tired. My house is a D-saster and I'm too tired to even care. It's all I have been able to do to cook for all the rest of us household members....I'm sure I will run out of underwear soon...so something's gotta give. I have been going days without bathing bc of my sweet little daughters' illness, and I'm sorry, sleep trumps showers when you are going to bed in the morning hours.

The other girlies in the house have been passing around sniffles and coughs and all sorts of good things and I'm just crossing my fingers that something new does not invade my wee little daughter's body. I hate for any of them to be sick.

Have I ever mentioned that I have two daughters that have PMS now? I'm not sure either of them will make it to 18. I've got one that cries over nothing and one that is so hateful you'd rather she did not speak at all. lordluvaduck, only three more to go. These are the days that I miss all those "little" girls I used to have.

Since we've moved out here to the farm, we are planning a little barn party at the end of the month, Lord willin' and the creek don't rise...I'm excited. I LOVE to entertain and I just don't get to do it all that much any more.

In other news, ever since the little tornado that tried to take us out...(lol) two of the girls totally lose it when it rains. Hysteria sets in. And Lord help us if He sends thunder and lightning.

Our landlord apparently had not paid our electric bill in several months since the REMC man showed up to take the meter a couple days ago. Did I mention we can' t live without the electricity. Hello, my child's life depends on electricity. Apparently, her second car and tractor took precedence. Good to know. I'd hate for her to only have one drivable vehicle. I guess we can live without groceries too.

Sorry, I know this has not been a very positive update, did I mention I'm tired?

A little visit

2009-10-05T02:23:00.002-04:00

It is no secret that we have not been able to regularly attend church since Lillian was born. We try very valliantly to get our kids there with the help of some wonderful folks (not the actual church we belong to that is) I miss it terribly, but know I can still commune with my Father and that in time we will be able to resume attending when life is a little different for us and Lillian. It does not change the fact that it breaks my heart that people/friends from church just assume we go somewhere else or just stopped coming. I don't think anyone truly understands the depths of the life we are living right now, ecspecially folks who are not around. It amazes me that even though there are constant prayer requests for our girl or our family noone gets it. It hurts. I understand that people have lives and are busy but isn't that part of belonging to a church---to be there and care for each other. I popped into church the other day to drop off a DVD and the choir was having their normal practice. Once they saw me the implored me to stay and sing with them and it was wonderful. I had intended to be there this morning to sing and be in the service, but that was before I was staying up all night doing treatments. It just weighs my heart down sometimes. Heavy.

Lots of stuff...just lots

2009-09-28T18:42:00.004-04:00

The rollercoaster is doing it's best taking me up and down this journey of life and parenthood. Let's see, Lillian had her sleep study, (which is awesome, read the update here)...I spoke at the Women's Retreat and it was nerve wracking, but I actually managed to do it without having a total breakdown. ( I think perhaps there was a hole in the floor from where I was digging my heel into it trying to keep my composure) Upon arriving home from said retreat, Rebecca, child number two has managed to split her head open right on top which almost earned her some staples...dig a hole in her foot that looked like total hamburger AND wind up with a case of acute bronchitis and upper respiratory infection all within a short week's time. Isabelle is pretty sick right now too and upon telling three different teachers at school she didn't feel well, they apparently earned their medical degrees at the same time as teaching ones, bc not one of them sent her to see the nurse, who probably would have detected the 101 degree fever she had upon arriving home. Too late of course to be taken to the doctor. This does not make a mother happy. The didn't think she "felt" feverish even though her head was hot and cheeks were cold. One teacher even told her it was just the change in the weather. Hmmm.

Our roof is still leaking and the landlord has not paid the electrician for the work he did (which is in our name) Trying to not stress about that. Seriously, there is enough right now.

Cannot seem to get into the "new" doctor the children were supposed to see and spent one whole day on the phone with different docs/agencies trying to iron that out. Ironically, they have been placed back with our original doctor. UGH.

I've buried two pets in the last month, which was not pleasant AT ALL.

I managed to read a book called The Shack. I highly recommend it, I also just recently watched the movie, The Secret Lives of Bees and I really want to read the book. Anyone read it?

Blessings do abound amidst all these little obstacles, that in the great scheme of life are not all that bad, including being greatly blessed at the women's retreat, getting to spend some quality time with some of my best friends in the whole wide world. Being humbled by gifts that we so do not deserve but SOOOOO appreciate.

Sometimes, it just seems like there are more valleys than hilltops, you know? Currently, it is crazy windy here and I have the windows open. I might pay for that later, but oh I enjoy this time of year. My fave.

I bought some early christmas presents for my girls from my IRL friend over at Finding Normal and I have misplaced them, so I'm going ot have to do some major searching to unearth those suckers. Yes, you knwo those beautiful necklaces...watch out Deb, I may be placing another order...

Stuff, lots and lots of stuff.

It's a love/hate relationship

2009-09-16T12:08:00.002-04:00

I guess I should be posting this on Lillian's blog, but it's a little too much me to post at the moment. I feel raw. I thought I was ok today, but one vomit fest and I'm back to ground zero. I have so much to be thankful for, grateful is even a better word. Let me explain. We had a follow up visit to the Pulmo team Monday. Needless to say, it was not great. They do not seem optimistic that she will be decannulated this year. Devastating blow. I cannot even explain it. I cannot fathom my poor baby suffering through another miserable winter. I thought I came to grips with it....um, until I changed her shirt this morning and must have wiggled that little piece of plastic too much which started a vomit fest. I was so angry. I still am, I'm just trying to hold back the tears because one of our therapists is on her way and I don't want to be a mess when she arrives, although it's probably hopeless, because I'm a crier. STUPID secretions that are there because her trach is there....stupid little piece of plastic that makes our life so difficult, hers ecspecially. Stupid piece of plastic, but gives her breath and life. I'm so beyond my threshold right now. SO beyond it.

I can almost move again

2009-09-10T10:21:00.003-04:00

Without pain that is. Yes, the kickball game kicked my butt. I think it would have been a lot harder on me had I not be push mowing the grounds since we moved here. It was so much fun, though, would do it all again! In the previous post, I failed to notate that I whomped (whomped, is that a word?? oh well) my sister in skip bo 4 out of 5 games. She is losing her edge or I'm getting mine. She used to be unbeatable. She commented to me that I didn't mention it, so here you go...*chants* I won you lost I won you lost! (does that make you feel better, seestore?)

Yesterday I had to take Isabelle to the doctor, a new doctor, by the way at the Community Health Center. What a nightmare I was in a horrible mood the rest of the day. I was unable to procure a person to go with me to stay in the car with Lillian so that was the number 1 first issue. So I thought I'd sit in the car with the kids until they needed us....#2 issue presents itself...I had to park over a block away from the building. #3 issue, walking into the packed waiting room and being ignored by the desk people. (on a good note, they did allow us to sit in a private office PTL) #4 issue, arrived for 1130 appt time at 1110 (as it took me 10-15 minutes to even find a parking place) #5, did not get taken back to see the doctor until almost 1:00. UNBELIEVABLE. Best yet, she believes it is just something viral. This was a new physician to us who spent less than 10 minutes on an exam and left. Not even the one we were supposed to be seeing, apparently that doctor quit the facility. My kids have been seeing the same doctor since Rebecca was born, 11 years. To make a long story short, bc of insurance reasons, they have to switch to this CHC. Perhaps I failed to mention that I left three messages at this clinic in August trying to get Rebecca scheduled for a sports physical and NOONE called back, and they DO NOT answer phones. I was biting back tears as we sat there waiting, what can I say, this form of change I just did not embrace well. The one and only thing that held off the tears....there was a large picture hanging in the room that had a Bible verse beneath it. I took that as a sign. I just could not believe a County Health Center allowed it to be there. Thank you Lord, for bringing me comfort in my difficult situation yet again. I wish the day had gone better and I wish they could have given us something to make Isabelle feel better, but that's not how it went.

Today, we go to the dentist for a filling and a sealant. Good, good times. Probably should stop this post and go prepare for that trip.

My friend, Marcia took some fantastic pictures of the picnic, cannot wait to post them.

Holiday Weekend Inanit-I mean fun!

2009-09-08T12:29:00.002-04:00

No really, we had a wonderful weekend. Although rain threatened to move us inside and the hubs had to work on Saturday it was a great weekend. Saturday we had the treat of several unexpected but very welcome visitors. Helped the day pass since my love was gone. Sunday, dinner with my mother and C. We played a card game called Five Crowns and in game two I was mercilously defeated. I need a rematch. Monday, well, that was our annual Labor Day picnic. After my parents split, it seemed liked getting together on holidays no longer existed. I decided that my girls shouldn't not have memories of picnics just because our family was no longer in tact, thus I resurrected my own holiday picnic. Over three years, it has evolved into yesterdays group of 32 people, all the good cookout foods, games and waterballoon fun. May I just say, that I'm having a hard time getting around today due to the wild game of kickball, that fat-outof shape- hostess should not have played...lol. I had a blast and I think everyone enjoyed it. Course, there was probably a great deal of laughing at seeing me kick the ball and run like a maniac trying to catch the ball. I was quite certain I would require CPR before I made it to third base. The best, when my friend S, kicked the ball wayyyyyyy out past me and me busting a move trying to catch it....and her thirteen year old son whizzing past me to get it...hmph. Are you laughing? I also got the short end of the stick with the water balloon toss. Hee hee. The kids had the best time. It was just how I wanted it to be. The rain held off except for just a little bit of sprinkling after the game, but hey we were all sweaty by then, so it felt pretty good! The evening ended with my sister and her family coming over and having supper, playing skip bo and watching Monday night RAW. (yes, we are a wild bunch) My nephew went upstairs and snuck through the attic and scared his cousins half to death, it was awesome...can you guess who put him up to it? Yes, his Uncle. To preface the festivities we started the morning out with a plumbing leak in the basement and a leaky roof, but none of that stopped us from having a great day. How was your holiday?

I'm one of those people

2009-09-04T00:15:00.002-04:00

Yes, I said it. I think I'm one of those people. I'm a firm believer in not saying what is in your brain at the moment it is there all the time. Sometimes we speak and it offends someone or comes out the wrong way. Then when its out its out...no turning back. While I try very hard to do this, I think maybe I'm a miserable failure. I mean, seriously, you don't have to give your piece of mind about everything. Sometimes I speak with such certainty and really I'm just as clueless as can be. Why do I even speak?
Examples, I'm not a fan of the typical response to the question, do you want a boy or girl and everyone says --oh I just want a healthy baby. HELLO- of course you want a healthy baby....think about it, do you love your child less if he/she isn't? I don't think it is necessarily wrong to want one sex or the other. Of course, I say this because I was once that person who said I just want a healthy baby.
2. Once in a Riley waiting area, I met these lovely people who had a little girl baby they were just so proud of. The father mentioned that she was so loud sometimes he wished he could turn her down, (and he was totally trying to be funny)which in turn led me to say, "you'd miss it if it wasn't there" Now, why did I feel compelled to say such a thing. I didn't mean anything bad by it, but was it necessary just because my view is different?
3. People who have no children and are perhaps exposed to children regularly think they know better how to parent than you do. Hmmm, just let that one sink in. (i used to be that person, probably)

I'm one of those people, past, present, and future. I hope as I pop around commenting on peoples' blogs I'm not at all offensive. Most of the time I just say- the first thing that pops into my head. UGH-

I just thought it had been a while...ha

2009-08-20T15:17:00.003-04:00

I haven't posted about sickness for my girl in a while. If you are reading on over here you know Lillian is quite ill with something viral. I'm praying it is something we can manage here at home. Aside from the fact that I don't want to go on sabbatical in a hospital again, we have no doctors at the moment. We see her new pulmonary doctor on the 24th, so we really need this yuck to go away.

We are pretty well settled in to the new place. The garage is still a disaster, but overall things are in good shape. I really love it here. It is peaceful. Upon moving we inherited a vast number of cats, who have been quite lazy at mousetrapping. We killed right around 20 mice in the first couple weeks here, but ever since the D-con got put out, haven't seen hide nor hair of the little critters. We knew it was time for the big guns when we sitting in the living room and the kids were sleeping and they ( the mice) decided to come kick back and watch a little TV in the living room. *gags* I'm sure we haven't seen the last of the little guys since we live in the country and harvest season is upon us...but for now, it is under control.

The girls have had a great time here climbing trees and roaming the property. We have a little family of wild ducks in our pond and countless frogs. We also became owners of four, count em four dogs. My hubs has always wanted dogs outside, well, now he has them. I will hope to post some pics soon. Not sure right now how as my PC has had everything stipped from it and I'm not sure how to load it all again. I'm not much of a cd saver. This, perhaps, is a bad practice I'm finding out.

I know this is a lazy post, but I needed something to occupy my mind for the moment. Maybe next time I'll be more interesting. Never know.

A little bit of this a little bit of that

2009-08-08T01:09:00.003-04:00

As I sat down here to prepare to type, I stopped and did some quick catching up on my blogs....it really helped me to feel a little more peaceful being blessed by others.

Do you ever have those days where you just truly believe you are the most inept parent in the universe? I had to discipline Rebecca today with a spanking. Yes, I believe in spanking, though it is not something I like to do and choose as a very last resort....I do have to do it from time to time. I did not punish in anger, but it is true that it hurt me more than it hurt her. I mean seriously, failure is all I feel at times. Why does the devil prey on me so? I've been very discouraged and fighting against self pity and focusing on all the positive that happens out of bad situations...ie, flood, tornado....medically fragile child....but at night when I'm tired, Satan creeps in and starts working.

So, instead of worrying about how I will pay for the damages to the house, I will continue to be thankful that we were all safe and things could have been much worse. I will stop second guessing every parenting decision I make and know God has his hand on their lives and always will.

Did I mention I was asked to be a guest speaker at a women's retreat in September? I am totally humbled and would ask your prayer for peace, courage and the ability to share what God would have me share for His purpose. It's days like these that make me want to say um, sorry, I changed my mind I'm not fit to speak to anyone, but that is just what Satan would like....

I should also know in the midst of exhaustion that I'm not clear. Lillian had a very bad evening of trying to get to sleep, now she is settled and I've been able to vent a bit, so I think I will call it a night.

I get knocked down, but I get up again....

2009-08-06T10:31:00.004-04:00

Remember that song? That's how I'm feeling recently. LOL. Gotta laugh. No seriously, we were very lucky, God was watching over us as always. We believe a tornado tried to touch down here. The news isn't saying so, but um, we were here and we saw and heard it....yeah, tornado....so here are a few videos of a small portion of the damage.

I have more pictures...there was quite a it of damage to the back of the house and there is an entire tree down in the field. The power lines are on the ground, but praise God we still have power. It has been two days of hard labor cutting and dragging limbs...you know, humongous tree limbs. At one point we had 4 feet high by 20 ft long by 10 ft wide of piles in the yard on either side of the cars. There is still tons of work to be done. Matt has had to take off the last two days, and that is the last thing we needed right now....but God will take care of us.

Have been busy as well with more doctor appts with the big girls in the midst of all this. Maybe some day I'll make it back to the blog world. At night, it is all I can do to keep my eyes open with Lillian. Did I mention that both of us can barely move.....lol.

Mandy---thanks for checking on us...sorry I couldn't get back to you sooner...hope you guys are ok too.

Where oh where are you tonight??

2009-08-01T01:14:00.002-04:00

Here, right here. I've been missing my blog world so much, but have ever so much to do, not to mention my PC had to have some serious work for the last couple weeks. The house is slowly coming together. I'm sore from head to toe from push mowing...but i have dropped a few pounds. :) The girls are all doing well. It has been a busy couple weeks, routine eye and dental appointments have kept me hopping. We have had so many obstacles lately, but the blessings we have received far outweigh them. I am feeling so blessed. We are so undeserving of the kindnesses of our friends and relatives that are there for us.

I have so much to say....but I'm SOOOO tired, just wanted to drop a quick post and say goodnight!

if you can call it surviving....

2009-07-13T19:29:00.003-04:00

Let me see, where have we left off in the drama...oh yes, dog pee soaked carpets. I know you are all sitting on pins and needles...so why don't I just tell the whole awful story...hee hee. Basically, after two complete carpet cleanings, my hubs spent time here on his hands and knees trying to "sniff" out the worst areas. He determined Lillian's room to be the worst. Well, let's see, I think we had like five days to be out of our old house by this point. It took us a whole day to rip up carpet and pull out carpet staples and tack strip. I cleaned the floor on my hands and knees with vinegar and a scrub brush. (so not work for fat girls). We both spent time crying over the entire situation. Overwhelmed comes to mind. I knew it was bad when he cried bc the man is not a crier. Anyway, thank the Lord our dear friend Marcia went out and purchased the rental floor sander/sand pads/make the floor shiny stuff, bc the cheaper route was to finish the hardwood than to buy new carpet. It took Matt eight hours to sand it down bc it had previously been painted. He and our friend Oscar spent the next entire day putting on the floor stuff and hand sanding between the coats that were drying, as is the process of refinishing. That floor looks marvelous now and the smell is barely there. We intend to do the entire house, but that will take time. This, by far, has been the hardest move we've ever made. We were blessed to have helping hands as far as box packing/ furniture moving for about 6 hours but that is not much when you are only running one pickup truck and a minivan. To top it off, we worked like dogs at the old house to clean it only to have the landlords be complete jerks and who knows possibly try to sue us even though they refused to give us back any of our 1000.00 deposit (which they wrote into the contract and didn't tell us until the day we signed it) To say the least it has not been easy. Madeline had another repeat infection of MRSA which required a doctor's visit in the middle of all this. Her glasses have been broken beyond repair and insurance will not kick in until July 28, not a huge deal, but does tend to make a mother feel pretty worthless...(once again, title still in my name) Finances have been ridiculously tight as we had to come up with a deposit here even after we were told we didn't need one. You know, one can only miss so much work before it catches up and it has caught us. All this unexpected stuff required Matt to take off more work than orginally planned. Oh, and the center island in the current home...it had a top when I saw the house and when we moved in the top was gone, so that is something we are trying to remedy as well. Being a person who cooks for her family and has little counter space, a center island would be very useful IF IT HAD THE TOP. Does boggle the mind. I know I am probably making little sense, but it is late and I'm not sleeping very well.

We were given a bigger chest freezer which is something I had been in prayer about and despite all the obstacles of moving I know we are fortunate to have each other and the Lord will provide. It is difficult not to be discourage when you feel like you are hanging out in left field by yourself. I hate using the word depression, but I feel like it is something I am fighting every day to not be. A verse comes to mind about His strenght increasing in my weakness....I know that is true and it is the only thing that is carrying me. If it ever comes to your mind to wonder "how does she do it?" I don't. Plain and simple, I could not without the Lord. I just have to keep reminding myself of that and not be pulled down.

Me and the girls were able to spend Friday evening at my friend Marcia's house swimming in the lake and having a hot dog dinner. It was a good time and nice to finally relax a little. I was able to attend a 50th wedding anniversary celebration for some dear friends this weekend and able to catch up with some church family at the same time. It was bittersweet. The couple being honored are suffering a difficult situation as she has been stricken with ALS and it is rapidly taking it's toll on her body. She did seem to be glowing that day though. They have become such dear friends to us and it is difficult to watch unfold. I'm glad she was able to be there and celebrate with so many friends and family.

As difficult as things sometimes seem, I'm so thankful for your prayers and support and the blessings we receive so unexpectedly.

I'm a-gettin' tired.

2009-06-23T20:04:00.000-04:00

We are officially moving and I'm worn out. We've had very little assistance which is extra stressful. On top of it the "new" house is drowning in the odor of dog urine and we cannot get it out. This in and of itself is very trying. Not to mention still needing to care of Lillian, cook meals for us, and daily living things....ahhh, soon this will pass and we will be able to relax a bit....hahahhahhahhhhaaaaaa......yeah right. I may not be back on in a while as things get moved around....say a prayer for all the nuttiness going on around here.

Crystal Ball please?

2009-06-15T15:08:00.002-04:00

Could someone puh-lease, rub the ball and tell me that Lillian will be ok, she will grow and be normal and past all this vomiting and rough road? I want to meet someone who has traveled my road and says how things turn out....I want to know. I want to be reassured. I want to have peace that she will be with me. With us.
I just need to get it out sometimes. Just need to get it out of my head.

Our intent is to get some moving done this weekend. Hopefully that wil happen and we can get settled into our new place.

Madeline is in a summer reading program for the next week and a half and she is really enjoying it. I hope it really makes a difference for her. We are also waiting to see if we will get insurance approval for her treatment for the binocular dsyfunction.

Can I say that today my dog had a diarrhea in the floor (in the kitchen thankfully)however by the time I found it, Lillian had put it her hands in it and also hands in her mouth....*GAGS* Not a good morning. It's a longer story than that, but I'll spare you the details.

Went to a little festival down the road Sunday and bought some rosemary, the first herb for my soon to be herb garden. I've always wanted an herb garden.

OH- Big news, Belinda, my porch goose apparently lept off the porch and smashed her beak and has a hairline fracture in her neck. Gotta love it. Madeline thought it would be a good idea to try to "walk" her with the dog's leash. May I point out that I have ALWAYS wanted a goose for my porch. I finally get one for my birthday this year and she is already been damaged. I am totally about things are things and they are not as important as people, but it is disappointing. Those things are not cheap I tell you.

I AM a bad mother...

2009-06-11T12:18:00.002-04:00

Ok, I'm sitting here trying to catch up on blog reading...in the background are two, count em, two children reading out of different Shel Silversteen books. LOUDLY. (stupid libraries...) They are reading and laughing and cackling and rhyming and I'm about to LOSE MY MIND. How can I tell them to hush when reading is such a good thing??? WHY are my almost 13 year old neice and daughter totally enamored with the poems??? AHHHHHHHHHHH. Someone, please come get me and take me on a vacation.

I hope all reading know I'm totally joking about my jabs at reading and the library. Just wanted to give a glimpse of my morning...I am however, not joking about losing my mind, and friends I have very little left to spare.....

What Matters

2009-06-09T12:36:00.004-04:00

Sunday was the one year anniversary of the Columbus flood. While we didn't suffer the damages that many people did, we were affected, however it did not even dawn on me that it had been a year. When I really start to think about it, it still doesn't affect me. I think more about what really matters. We survived it. God provided us escape and a new home to live in. He allowed us to get our family out of the home. While we lost a vehicle, He provided us a new one. Maybe it's just because there are so many other more important issues to face daily that it doesn't affect me. I'm just so thankful that we only lost our car, a few belongings, and even though we had to move in a weekend's time, a home was available for us. At the end of the day what matters is this...

God is good all the time

Even when there are hospitalizations...

What matters is tween girls still Love their Mamma

And each other

Little Girls can be silly.There are soldiers who will fight for our freedom

My Husband still loves me as much as he did 14 years ago...

It's difficult every day, and some days it just doesn't seem fair, but I never lose sight of what really matters.

Friday Fragments

2009-06-05T17:15:00.003-04:00

*Took the donated bed from the lady down the street. (who consequently did talk to our landlords about the house, she told me the landlords asked her if I was bad-mouthing them....hello, talk about integrity----NOT) So will people IRL please vouch that I'm a grown woman with integrity and I'm NOT a liar. *sighs* Oh yes, and I got out of highschool about fifteen years ago...

*New bed (as I giggle typing) is so small but infinitely more comfortable than former bed springy bed...LOL. Almost fell out of it this morning though...LOL. (note to self, why on Earth did I think we could get by in a full size???)

*Summer vacation is upon us and I am still alive. (2nd note to self, I so don't have enough food in this house)

* Box packing is coming along. I get overwhelmed about every other day.

* My laundry is totally crawling up the wall. As I've mentioned on FB, why can it crawl up my wall, but not walk to my laundry room?

*Lillian is still puking and not up to full feedings, but we are making progress. Also, MOTY got to her just in time to see her guzzle down a big ole gulp of bubbles. Yeah, I'm staying on top...

*2nd youngest offspring sprayed entire can of carpet cleaner spray upstairs and I'm bout to gag on the fumes. Nasal passages on fire.

*Camera will not connect to my computer and I have a really cute video to upload and I'm bout to throw a ten cent tantrum bc it won't work. grrr.

*Why is blogger word verification turning into a sentence??? Goodness gracious.

Am I the only one?

2009-06-02T19:10:00.002-04:00

Ok, so you know I've been writing off and on about my lovely mattress (for those who don't know....we desperately need a new bed set.) It is old as the hills and I'm getting permanent markings from the springs that are protruding. You may or may not know that we are also flood victims from the Columbus flood 6-2008. We were lucky, we lost a car and had to move from our home but we were fortunate to not have lost our belongings. So here's the rub.....today....(btw our landlords have a FOR RENT sign in our yard and want to show this house WHILE we are living here.....ugh, that's a whole nother post) the woman stopped at our house to pick up a rental application and they asked the kids to speak to me. While I feel like I really shouldn't talk to folks about the house, I certainly am not going to lie about it....ugh, this is a bit of story telling, but I need to tell it for it to make sense. After a lengthy conversation and me delicately trying to not speak ill of the landlords or the house...just telling the facts, we got to talking about being flood vics, well this lady was one too, only they lost everything. She mentioned to me that the long term recovery team was giving furniture vouchers to flood victims...if you had a flood number you could go get a voucher if there was still money. She felt like I should go. She said it was donated you should go.....personally, and I told her this, I don't feel like it's right for me to go take advantage of this bc I did not lose my stuff. I may have had to uproot my life but I did not lose everything I had. While I'm DESPERATE for a new bed I just cannot see going and getting a voucher for furniture just bc I was in the flood.....am I the only one who thinks I'm right??? I know there are people that are taking advantage of the flood and it disgusts me. Recently, I had to visit a food pantry bc I needed food. It really killed me to hear people who had admittedly were taking food just bc it was there and free (baby cereal and they didn't have babies or little kids AT ALL) To me, this is no different a situation. But the sinner in me says go get a voucher for your bed...you deserve it, you are a flood victim, but the believer in me knows it is wrong. The other thing the lady told me, she said if you can't get the free furniture come to my house and I have a queen bed and box spring I'll give you. We got it after the flood too. You might find this crazy, but I've been praying about a bed...yes, a bed. So, is this an example of the Lord sending me a bed or the devil tempting me to do something I feel is wrong? You know like the flooded man who prayed to be rescued but everytime there was a rescue attempt he told them the Lord would rescue him, when he got to heaven he asked the Lord why he didn't save him and the Lord said he sent him three different rescuers and he turned them all away.

Aside from this silly little thing, I'm a little stressed about lots of things....which is turning into a big old headache. I need to be writing about it all to get it out of my head, but I'm praying about it all. Having a hard time. Thanks for any and all thoughts on the matter.

The Blog Phenom

2009-05-27T10:24:00.002-04:00

I am absorbed into a world of of lives of people I've never met. My prayers have expounded by leaps and bounds as I read and meet each new "person". I've cried tears for folks I've never seen face to face. I read about their lives wanting to reach out and touch or give them a hug, but all I can offer is a prayer.

I've also been blessed beyond measure. Inspired by faith of many. Found comfort in the words of others. Reassurance from those walking the same road. God's peace from the prayers of others who have found my blogs.

I'm immersed in the blog phenom. I'm thankful for what I learn and experience through it.

I pray I may be a blessing to others. That my faith my touch another or lead them to a personal relationship with the Lord.

Catching my Breath

2009-05-24T19:23:00.007-04:00

I'm baaaa-aaaack (two syllables). Ok, so I was never really gone, but haven't really had time time to write here in personal blog. So let me catch you up, in case you aren't reading about my little peach . Lillian had her cleft palate surgery and it went as well as it could. She had some unexpected bleeding post op, but evened out late into the night. She is still dealing with pain issues here at home, so we are trying to stay on top of that. Feedings are pretty much a nightmare, but that has been her life. No surprises there. Problem is, now it causes her to bleed when she's puked and puked so that is totally NOT fun. I'm now setting my alarm at the four hour mark to deliver her pain meds through the night and it worked last night, so I have high hopes for tonight. We really have not had to splint her arms since the first day after surgery.

Ok, so the rash on my face is slowly fading....hal-ley-loo-ya. School is almost out, so the rash is likely to re-attack...lol, just kidding. I enjoy summer break, there is just adjustment to be made. We are still moving at the end of June. I'm getting excited, but totally not too pack. That is entirely overwhelming. I'm not sure how we will manage with Lillian either. I'm sure it will all be fine. I'd be interested in any willing volunteers!!! :)

Still addicted to Farm Town, if you are on FB, play farm town, you'll never look back...hee hee hee, soon I shall have throngs of neighbors. (sorry, I feel Nutjim just popped in for a moment)

The other girls are all doing well, however a few nights ago, Lillian was snoozing and I was sitting here in the living room and Madeline came screaming in the back door. You know that scream that gets you up immediately because you know that is the scream that means something is really wrong....well, I meet up with her into the dining room where blood is streaming from her nose, sorry, her entirely purple nose. She had been running on the pavement after a ball, tripped and scraped her face from chin to forehead. It was AWFUL. I'm trying to stay calm so she will calm down....it was so not pretty. After some ice and tylenol and bleeding stopped she headed back outside and now has some serious road rash right up the middle of her face. Scared.me.to.death.

Our adopted cat had kittens about three weeks ago and we've never seen them. About three days ago, she brought one to the house. We figured the other ones had died. Um-no. Today, by noon time we had a total of four. They are the cutest little things you've ever seen. Anyone want one??

I think that about sums things up from here. Life is moving right along, God is good and he has seen us through even more new experiences.

OH wait, my sista, Renee gave me an award!!! Thanks girl!! Go on over and check her out, she's a hoot!!

And this is a pic of my Grandma and older girls from March when Lillian was in the hospital.

In Memory

2009-05-18T10:08:00.002-04:00

Sunday morning I woke to the news that my Grandmother died, unexpectedly, in her sleep. My grandpa, her husband passed away not quite a year ago.We all were anticipating his death due to his ongoing illness, it was a blessing when he was no longer in pain. Grandma, on the other hand, although she had health issues, had not been suffering and bedridden. I'm hurting. I'm hurting because I loved her. She was a prayer warrior. She loved her family and she had a contagious laugh. I'm hurting because my Dad has lost both his parents in less than a year and he is the one who has to hold it together because everyone else is falling apart. I'm hurting because my Dad has noone to find comfort in when he goes home at night and is alone with his thoughts. I can't be here for him because my child is having surgery that must be done. Now my tears are blurring so much that I can't see to type. I have peace because I know she is with the Lord, but the grief of our earthly loss still remains. I'll miss you Grandma. I won't forget the way you laughed or how you always asked me to keep my babies when they were born. I'll smile when I remember how you went through every person's name in the family before you got to mine. I won't forget how you pretended to understand what we were saying even when you didn't. (she had lost her hearing and read lips) I'm glad you are with Jesus, a man you met late in life and loved with all your heart. I'm glad you are back with Grandpa and the sisters who went before you. I loved you and I'll miss you.

Counting Down

2009-05-13T12:08:00.003-04:00

Have I mentioned the long awaited surgery date is creeping up on us?? I have a rash all over my face and neck from nerves. Happens to me sometimes when I'm stressed. It doesn't itch or anything, but I look like I have some kind of leprosy. My family is like "what is wrong with your face" well, now, that is truly a loaded question...lol.

We have finished with concerts from choir for Bethany (and this last one was excellent. Much better than previous performances in my opinion) note to self, remember to email teacher about that. and I think Rebecca has one more to go and then it is a break for the summer. Rebecca really wants to join the band....ugh, we just do not have the ability to buy an instrument at this point. The girls are very edgy, I think they are just ready for summer break. I feel like we will lose most of the summer with moving. I am looking so forward to planting a garden and growing some stuff---oh and an herb garden I always wanted an herb garden!! Matt thinks I'm nuts because I want to can stuff, but I'm totally into it. It'll be a next year thing as it will be too late in the year to plant most things.

Have I mentioned I'm obsessed with Farm Town on Facebook? Um-yeah, I keep telling myself it's just a game and it doesn't matter if the crops die....

It seems as if I've done lots of running of errands lately and my bfff Jennifer has been riding shotgun, so to say, with me so I don't have to take Lillian into germy environments. God bless her, she's been around Lillian a lot but I kind of threw her to the wolves for being able to suction and such....but she has been great.

I found out today that Lillian's Medicaid has been re-approved...whoo hoo. I guess all it takes is three different document deliveries and having a crying breakdown on the phone with the caseworker. We have been so blessed that our primary insurance has been so good, but I know it wouldn't cover all of Lillian's medical needs. SIHO has been a huge blessing as well. Now I guess, I can relax for the next year until its time to do it again. Although Lillian is considered medically disabled, because Matt has a 401k plan she cannot receive disability medicaid which does not consider income. If he wasn't saving for his retirement, she'd qualify. Now there's something to ponder.

It is raining cats and dogs here in good old Indiana. I don't mind the rain though. It's soothing. Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't want it to rain ALL the time, but this is nice. Come to think of it, it was raining last Wednesday.

So, you know I have this goose on my front porch, Belinda. (Yes she has a name, stop laughing, I told you I belong in a rubber room) I need new wardrobe for her, in my spare time..(hehehehe) I could probably make her some clothes...anybody out there got a pattern they'd send me? I'm a dork, I know, but hey, it makes me happy. I'd even post a pic here, but I must have deleted her from my pics....

MOTY moment, I put my lovely little daughter in her bed bc she fell asleep while I rocked her int he recliner, turned on all of her equipment and after some time found she seemed to be coughing a lot. HELLO- turn on then PUT ON. Ahhh, just aspire to be like me...

I'm wanting to start a weekly Bible study with one of my IRL friends. Anyone have any suggestions for good studies? I need some positive stuff going on. Not that I don't have anything positive, but I need to start studying ALOT more of my Bible. I feel pretty good in my prayer walk, but my Bible reading is seriously lacking. True confessions.

I think the randomness is done, I know this post was pretty unorganized....

A Gathering of Mothers

2009-05-11T00:10:00.002-04:00

Today held a multi-generation gathering of mothers and daughters. I went to my sisters (who made us all lunch) and my Mom and her Mom, my grandma and most of our children were in attendance (minus Lillian) There was eating, more eating, and more eating. Talking, re-telling of stories, sharing recent events, tears and reflections, laughter---ahem and I did not laugh so hard that I peed my pants whilst running to the bathroom. All in all a nice day, although my children were their normal selves...which included grumpiness at times and hatefulness to each other off and on. The drive up was yuck, but coming home was fun as we played games and chatted.

Most of all today, I thought of my friends who's Mothers are no longer alive and also Mothers who have lain to rest their children. It was a sobering thought. I realized how blessed I was to still have my Mom, Grandma, and daughters still in my life. How quickly it can be gone. I think Lillian's surgery has me very antsy which led my reflections to this place. I am blessed. Blessed beyond words and no matter how much I complain I will never take for granted how blessed I am.

Thank you Lord for blessing me to be a Mother, for giving me a loving Mother, Grandmother, and Sister. Thank you for my these women and others who teach me everyday how to be a good mother whether they realize it or not. In Your Sevice...

Good Clothes, Good Prices, Good Idea

2009-05-09T19:31:00.004-04:00

That, my friends, is the Goodwill motto. I rarely have good luck when shopping at my local Goodwill store, however, today was not the case. As you will see by the pics.

Some New Glassware-has a bubble motif going up and down-I mean come on, glasses get broken here daily.

Stride Rite Light up tennis shoes for Madeline

Black casual corner sleeveless (i'm breaking out of my shell, I figure if people don't want to see my fat arms they shouldn't look) Stiped dress shirt to go with my brown pants.

flower print dress from New York and company that is LIKE NEW that thankless daughters "don't like" Skirt and tank outfit for Madeline.

DuckHead blue Jeans for me. (fat girls can rarely find good, nice jeans at Goodwill)

Also got the cutest purse ever, but I couldn't find it to take the pic as oldest child took off with it.

Found it!!!

I love Goodwill.

Kids ran at Millrace Park today. It was for the Elementary schools and Matt said my girls were the only ones there from their school. They had a great time.

Here in a bit, I'm off to make some dessert to take to our Mother's Day dinner. Happy Mother's Day to all!!

This post brought to you courtesy of PMS

2009-05-08T10:14:00.002-04:00

I love waking up in the morning to hear my DH griping about me when he thinks I'm asleep. Actually criticizing would be the right word....

I clean, cook, do laundry, run the kids, take care of the finances, handle any and all doctor appointments, handle all insurance issues, schedule all appointments here to and fro, the groceries, oh yes, and just the smallest task of caring for our daughter with many health issues-I do all this and a lot more without complaint. It's called parenthood---welcome to the party. I absolutely cannot stand the criticism behind my back. I hate the passive aggressive crap and I hate to be waken when I'm up half the night taking care of Lillian only to be being bashed---in front of the kids while he's sitting in a chair doing NOTHING.Oh and lets not forget that despite how tired and emotionally exhausted I am I also need to be a love goddess at midnight when I'm finally able to get my sweet little peach asleep with NO help.

Once again, not complaining, I love being a Mom and I'm happy to do what I do. But please don't criticize. I'm hard enough on myself.

My life is so not boring

2009-05-06T14:33:00.003-04:00

Let's see, apart from dealing with unending vomit, other interesting events have a tendency to go ahead and take place on the Halcomb Homestead. All the kids were playing outside yesterday, and you surely must know, when my kids are out every neighbor kid in the area is here as well...anyway, they all come stampeding into the house....scared and bug eyed. They swear to have seen a man walk by the house cussing someone out on the phone and carrying a gun in his pocket. They were totally wigged out. So I corral them all in the front room and venture up to the liquor store---right in front of my house---(no not for booze) (stop laughing, I know I probably should be an alchey but I'm not) (I can be Nutjim all without the help of liquor)

whoo, man that was a rabbit trail....

anyway-the store had their doors all open and it is right by my house and I thought they may have seen something, but they did not. The guy in there points out a cop to me and I hail the cop down and tell him what I know---which is very little. Cop takes off and I go back home. Send all the little children back outside and about ten minutes later I cop with lights and sirens heads off in the same direction. Madeline came busting in this house like a little white tornado. LOL.

Long story short, the kids make multiple trips into the house because said "gunman" keeps popping up around the general area. I finally have to send everyone home and call my kids in bc seriously it was getting way out of hand. I mean it's just sheer nuts to try to calm my kids and 5 others in assorted ages....(God bless all you teachers in the World)

I wind up with an extra mouth to feed for dinner, bc lets face it, I can't hardly stand to send a kid home when I feel sorry for them. I decide to make a chocolate cake for dessert and in opening my cabinet to get the pan out, when am I greeted by but a little brown mouse. After screaming bc I was so startled and sending the mouse back to his hideout, (also giving my hubs a mild heart attack as he was standing nearby) we were finally able to have dinner and get extra child sent home and get the kids to bed.

I found myself doing dishes at 1030pm because I'm so sick of looking at dirty dishes in the morning AND I'm out of paper plates AND my other dishes are packed, so I finally sat down for the evening at 1100.
I've also become addicted to Farm Town in Facebook...I like growing my crops and tending the fields of my friends. Had to wait to harvest my crops so they wouldn't die then I headed to bed. Only to be asleep for an hour to hear the afore mentioned mouse making a racket in the pans and causing my little rat terrier a great deal of stress. She wanted to get herself a mouse. So I lay awake fearful that she would somehow get the mouse and bring her to bed with us. UGH. I'm afraid to even look bc Matt put a sticky trap in there, and I don't want to find it.

I swear I could guest appear with Bill Engvall, Larry the Cable Guy, and those other fellows that tell all the Redneck jokes. I would be rich.

Not much to say

2009-05-05T23:49:00.001-04:00

Very little has changed here since yesterday. I will be taking Lillian to the doctor tomorrow. Her feedings went even worse today than yesterday, sighs.

This is Me

2009-05-04T21:52:00.002-04:00

Did I say I wasn't uber concerned about Lillian's puking? Well, I don't know who that person was typing....but I totally am. I am totally consumed with her well being and I bounce between let it go and let God and welling in to tears. You know how you worry when your kids are sick? My baby is sick EVERY SINGLE DAY. It is incomprehensible the feeling to see her little body slowly wasting away. To see her ribs and feel her hips protruding through her skin. It is insanely overwhelming to clean up volcanic vomit at every feeding. It is mind numbing to be wary of taking her out ANYWHERE.

I'm starting to have trouble sleeping. Being extremely tired, but not sleeping. Only to then fall asleep and dream about the surgery which really turns out to be a nightmare.

I loathe her pants hanging off her tiny bottom.

I'm tense

I'm running low on tolerance

I'm wishing I could bear the burden for her

Why oh why did He pick her and think I was strong enough???

This is just Me. No super human strength, no different than my neighbor, friends, or family. I'm not stronger or more loving or more anything.

SpiderCidal

2009-05-03T17:44:00.003-04:00

Addendum: My original post title was Myocardial Infarction, but I was scaring too many of my peeps! Sorry!! Read on....
For those of you who may not know that specific medical term, in layman's terms it's heart attack, which is what I had a mild one of this morning. If you'll recall my previous post, here, you'll remember my irrational fear of spiders. Imagine my horror when at two AM I was just beginning to fall into that pleasant pre-sleep when I felt just the brush of something on my forehead. I opened my eyes to see a spider floating right in front of eyes. Now, really, I can't tell you how I got out of bed-- but I was up and smacking at the bed like a crazy woman. I was in a full on panic trying to swat and kill said spider. ----backtrack two nights ago when I told Matt I was afraid some dust was going to float down from our 10 foot textured ceilings and land in my mouth----in the process of my spider-cidal rage I think I managed to hit Matt and he woke up in a panic----him"what??? what??? what's wrong??" Me- "spider" swat! Swat! SWAT! Him raising up---"where???" At this point I'm unable to point out or find the demon spider and am sure Matt's unhappiness at being awakened by my hysterics is going to rein down on me. Just then I'm thinking---uh oh- dust....when the devil spider started to make a break for it down the bed. I slammed that thing with my bed remote like I was trying to win the strength game at the fair-- you know the one where you take a mallet and hit the thing that goes up like a thermometer???

Ok, so then I'm totally awake, heart pounding have to settle back down to even get myself back to happy pre-sleep mode.

Stupid spiders.

All Stuffed Up and Random thoughts

2009-05-02T13:55:00.003-04:00

Let's see, I think on Thursday I started kinda feeling like I was getting a sinus infection. By Friday, I'm in full blown misery. Today I'm feeling some better. Not quite so head heavy. This is what happens to me when I don't get enough sleep. Sickness creeps in. Thankfully, it is not hanging on as it sometimes does.

Really don't have much to report from the Halcomb household. I missed school this week bc of being too paranoid to take Lillian in and then was just too miserable on Friday.

I love Fridays, have I ever mentioned that? No homework, usually. I get to sleep in bc Matt is home and I have him here to help me through the weekend. This of course comes to an end soon as he is going back to work on Fridays in a week or so. That is really a good thing as he will be back to working 40 hours.

I keep thinking how I didn't know how'd we get by with him missing so much work at Christmas and then being cut down to 32 hours and then missing so much work with Lillian in the hospital. We still keep getting through it...thank you Lord.

Only 17 days until Lillian has her palate surgery....fingers crossed. Time is moving right along.

I was actually able to bathe myself recently without any incidents. It has been suggested that I might want to remove Nair from my shower if I have it. I'm taking that advice to heart.

Insanity Compounds Part 2

2009-04-29T17:44:00.004-04:00

Seriously, I did not do this on purpose. In taking my shower today at 330pm, yes, you got the time right, when my dear children got home, I washed my hair...woo hoo, got that right and then proceeded to put my Mary Kay facial cleanser in my hand to wash my face and I'll be darned if I didn't wipe it right into my hair. WHAT THE HECK?? I've never done this kind of stuff before.

Must be all this. argh....

How to tell you've finally lost your mind

2009-04-28T00:42:00.003-04:00

I'm in the tub, take a nice long bath, wash my body, shave my legs( sorry JDM had to go there) soak a few...as I'm washing my body with my little spongy thingy, (that's a technical term) I think, gosh, this is like deja'vu. I feel like I've already done this, but I think, NO, couldn't have bc I had to get out a new bar of soap and it hasn't been used. Anyway, I get out, wrap up my head in a towel, dry off, get dressed, lube up my legs....decide it's time to dry the hair. Take my hair down and it feels very strange, not clean at all. I go around the house having the fam sniff my head. If you haven't guessed it yet, I poured my shampoo into my sponge and washed my body with hair soap...thus the deja vu. So I had to wash my hair in the kitchen sink. There you have it, I'm drawing closer to that room....that tells you how my brain is functioning lately...take a bath and FORGET to wash my hair....good grief.

On another note, I'd just like to say I really love my husband, he's a good provider, good father, however, I feel so emotionally unattached to him sometimes. Tonight in my need to share my feelings with him, I say just a few things that are on my mind and he shakes his head almost in disbelief or like I'm annoying him or something. Men, they wonder why we don't talk to them about stuff....ugh.

Here's a pic of how I'm wearing my hair since I've adjusted to the new cut.