A little crafting

Two more pages for Lillian's first year

cute little butterfly things I got in the Dollar Tree....

Translated to butterfly sympathy card. Those two pieces of card stock on the right are from DCWV card stock stack called Linen Closet. I LOVE the prints in it, but I had to restrain myself so I only got the 4 x6 stack. The stamp is called an innie outie stamp or something like that, there is a coordinating sentiment on it for the inside of the card. The other papers are from a new stack I bought the same day as the DCWV, BUT I got the 12 x 12 of it, and it is K and Company and it has all these pretty butterfly/bird/botanicals in it. LOVE LOVE LOVE it. So you see, I had to make hard choices.

I've been really wanting to spend time in my craft room, BUT, I just can't seem to be in there as much as I want. I thought maybe I should set some goals for getting some things done, but not sure yet. Thought I would share a few things I have done recently

Should be cleaning

I really should be, but I can't seem to find my mojo...HA! Really, I just keep doing tiny little minute things that are really not making ANY impact. Instead, I'm here blogging...I do clean and the older I get, (just turned the big 3-5) I enjoy it more. I get this strange sense of peace as I watch the dirt go down the drain...or see the shiny tables. Dust actually makes me wince a little, when I find it...and believe me, in my house, you'll find it. I'm by no means a great housekeeper nor a clean freak neatnik kinda girl. Just ask my family, they will certainly agree. Some more than others. I have come a LONG way though, in my housekeeping and it seems I actually like doing it. Somebody get a thermometer and check for a fever...for real.

Seriously, I have been crazy busy. At least ONE of my kids has taken turns with strep or bronchitis, or gastritis or ear infections for over a month. Not only do we have Lillian's "normal" issues, the other girls have been feeling it too. I HATE for my kids to be sick. When they are sick sick, you know, not sleeping, fevering, making you worry your little heart out sick? Hopefully, I think we are on the mend. Praise the Lord.

Today marks Madeline's ninth birthday. How is that even possible, I just don't know. Seems like yesterday she was laying on the couch with my "wuiwt" as she would say. Such a vibrant, full of energy, slightly sneaky, little girl, growing too fast for her Mommy. Singing, as we speak as she travels up the stairs. She helped me make treat bags for her class on Friday and they turned out adorable. Tomorrow, my family will gather and celebrate and tonight her boy cousins on Matt's side will be here for a play date in her honor. She will feast on her favorite Mcdonald's meal and all will be right in her world.

I hear the sound of the pledge can beckoning me to the living room, I suppose I must heed it's call.

Do you like to clean? Has your cleaning regime changed a lot over the years?

The day my heart broke and surrendered

A friend recently gave me a book about being grateful in the midst of EVERYTHING. I'm about 1/3 of the way through the book. It got me to thinking about the journey we've been walking, I felt compelled to share a bit of something that has brought change in my heart.



About five and half, maybe six years ago, my parents split up. I was devastated, more from the standpoint that I felt my Mom was walking away from our/her faith. I felt everything I cherished in family was dissolving and there was absolutely NOTHING I could do about it. Around the same time, my aunt was losing her battle with cancer AND one of my lifelong friends had given birth to her first daughter in her 27th week of pregnancy as a stillborn. I was midway in my pregnancy with Lillian. We buried my Aunt and my friend buried her precious Cortland on the same day. I couldn't fathom worse emotions than I was experiencing in those particular months. I remember holding on to my Mom and the dam breaking in the hours preceding the funeral. I sat in tears through the funeral, mourning my aunt and thinking of my friend in a cemetery lowering a tiny coffin in the ground.



Life moved on, as it does, and I learned to cope. I leaned on my faith and tried to figure out how to deal with the emotional upheavel I was dealing with in mourning the loss of my parents' marriage, I believe death would have been an easier situation to cope with. At least in death, there is an end. There aren't unhappy eyes to look into, awkward conversations, or anger I didn't know how to deal with.



11/24/06 I am admitted into the hospital for an amniocentesis and external aversion to try to see if my pregnancy could come to and end and my precious baby could come into the world and bring me joy. After everything we had been through, including facing financial pitfalls, (we lost our home and had to move while I was on bedrest) I was so looking forward to something sweet and precious.



She was born. My world turned on it's axis and hasn't been the same ever since. I've always thought I had prayed and asked AND followed God's will for my life. I realize, looking back, I'm not sure I really had. I received Christ as my savior as very small child and recommitted my life to him as a preteen girl. I'm not sure, aside from living a fairly "morally " good existence, that I really understood what it meant.



We sat in the little room, while the doctor's gave us the most heart wrenching news we'd ever heard regarding our child's life and very existence. My pastor, after hearing our news, asked me if she died today, would I call her back to this Earth. After a moment, I tearfully answered no. Selfish me would not want to let her go, but Jesus in me knew God knows better than me. My heart broke and surrendered to the will of the Almighty. I know it sounds almost contradictory, but it really isn't. I have been seeking to see Him in this entire situation. It has changed my outlook on SO many things. May God continue to be glorified and uplifted through this broken, surrendered heart.

Valentine's Day Date

Imagine, a candlelit walk way leading into a room decorated very tastefully for Valentine's Day. Tables set for two glimmering with candlelight. There are three balloons on the end of the table, a bag of hersheys valentine chocolates on the other. White table linens with red napkins accentuate the red all along the tables. Soft music plays in the background. We are seated and a waiter in white dress shirt and black dress pants approaches us quietly and offers us drinks. A beautiful appetizer of homemade bruschetta is already prepared and waiting for us. We are served gourmet style salads, a main course of hand rolled chicken cordon blue, sauted vegetables and some very smooth sweet potato souffle with a heart shaped pat of compound butter on the top. Sparkling red grape juice is filled in our champaigne flutes all throughout the evening. We are then led to stand up, join hands and a song is played so we might share a slow dance. We are reseated and served a gorgeous trifle of heart shaped chocolate sponge cakes layered with chocolate mouse, chopped strawberries and topped with almonds. Chocolate and strawberry sauces create a flower pattern under the petite dessert and a single chocolate dipped strawberry garnishes the plate. We then hear a very brief word on marriage and are served very decadent chocolate truffles. There is a second slow dance. The night is peaceful, filled with love. Our server, prays over us and says a prayer of blessing over our marriage. The evening comes to a close and as we exit, we are presented a frame with our picture, taken before we entered the room. This was a truly beautiful, elegant evening. We were so blessed to attend. Time alone is very rare in our life. It was great to sit across from each other in such a romantic setting and relive some of those moments in life we shared as a young couple just starting out. The church we are currently attending invited us to their Valentine's banquet and for $15.00, we shared a night that was priceless. Happy Valentine's Day, Matt, to 18 years of Valentine's days together, I love you more today than ever.

So Many Changes

There have been many changes in the household...let's see where shall I start. We did do homeschooling for one semester. It was very evidently clear to me that I was in over my head. I was never able to purchase a curriculum and build my own was just not happening. I had a very heavy heart...very many tears and prayer, I felt it was not the path for us. After all wassaid and done, I truly believe I answered God's calling and I believe that was what it was about. My following what He asked me to do and learning to listen to His voice. All of the girls have entered school again, even Lillian. They are all doing very well and are very happy. I still have anxiety about Lillian, but am leaning on my faith.

We have also moved AGAIN. Several months ago, it became very obvious to us that we could no longer afford the home we were living in. While we had hoped to purchase the home, we were denied a loan and also knew in the long run it would be more than we could be approved for to begin with. I had become very discouraged, we were drowning financially and I felt completely overwhelmed. I searched and searched for homes that would locate us back in Columbus, but that door was just not opening for us. The homes were either in a neighborhood we would not choose to live or in a decent neighborhood, too much for us to pay. I was feeling completely overwrought and finally decided that God had a reason for us to stay in the country house, but just could not understand why, but I gave it over to him and gave up. Stopped looking. About a month later, I was enrolling the kids back in public school and in doing so, passed a house for rent/sale by owner. I called him, and within a weekend we looked at the house, loved it, and signed the papers to move in. We moved in January 1 and find ourselves very happy here. We haved moved back into town and aside from little bumps in the road, we are doing well. God willing, we are here to stay, we would love and plan to go under contract for the home, but will see how things go. We truly have NO desire to move again any time soon.

We have visited a new church and aside from some very big differences in worship, not bad, just different...we are all liking it a lot. The Sunday School class has been wonderful for me and I truly believe the Holy Spirit led us to this church. I am continuing to pray about it though.

I have not had a computer for over a month and it seems one of them actually kicked the bucket. The other one is very old and I dont' know that it will be rehabed. God bless my cousin, he is working on it for me. I did have the ability to purchase an HP notebook this very evening, and have to say I like it. I like being able to travel with my PC and not being locked down in one room is great ecspecially because of Lil Bil, who is into EVERYTHING. (currently blogging from bed whoop)
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I've had some pretty big "aha" moments lately. I have been doing a daily devotional for three weeks now..and I'm committed to growing in the Lord. I am wishing I could find a deeper kind of study, though. I like the devotion, but I would like something deeper. I seem at a loss when I go trying to find something. I do have Becoming a Titus 2 woman, so I think that is next. It seems there should be much more to tell, but alas I've had a very trying day and I think I'm pooped.

So

Do you see happiness
Do you see love
Do you see faith
Do you see compassion
If you are watching...

Do you see the struggles
Do you feel the pain
Do you understand the trials
Do you look deeper
If you are trying....

Do you know the bitterness
Do you know it's roots
Do you see it growing
Do you know how to stop it
If you only knew...

Do you know the difficulty
Do you know how to cope
Do you think it will change
Do you wonder, why now
If you only could...

I'm different now
I'm trying to fit in
I'm feeling lost
I'm trying to grasp peace
If only...