What you hear if you're listening.

I'm sitting here listening to the whir of the dishwasher and smelling my mocha something or other in the scentsy burner. I just put Lil on the bus, enter the house, and realize how much I can HEAR when noone else is around. I hear the air conditioner kick off and on, the dishwasher, the cars running down the road, so many things. So opposite from the norm around here with a family of seven. It led me to think about my week and the other things I've "heard" this week. Let me back track a little. Last week, I seemed to have something challenge me at every turn. It seemed as nothing I did ran as smoothly as it could or should have. I think I spent a couple days in a row complaining to my mom about how annoyed I was when she said to me...."well, Michelle, I think God is trying to train your patience, and when you learn the lesson, I think less of this will happen." Well....I just could not believe my Mother was lecturing me on patience. Seriously, me? Impatient? Many thoughts poured through my mind, I was immediately annoyed that she would think I was needing more patience. Had she forgotten the last four-five years of my life?? Really, I thought, how wrong she was to say such a thing. I was patient, probably more so than her. I even went to the length of calling my sister and complaining about that. Sheesh. In the midst of the previous week, I had a friend from church whose Mother was slowly dying. I prayed about it all week, asking the Lord to end her suffering. She was nothing more than a shell, barely hanging on and it just seemed like needless suffering for her, for my friend, for the family. I was sitting in the tub Friday night, chatting in prayer with God. I was praying for him to call my friend's mother home. I was questioning His reasoning for allowing her to be in this state, why could he not just call her home? Bang, smack into my thoughts came the words, mind you I'm still mid sentence of my reasons of not understanding, "Be patient, wait on me". It was like a smack to the face. My immediate thought, well, this must be something I need to share with my friend. The Holy Spirit had surely shared these words with me so I could share them with my friend. I continuned to pray, and it was revealed to me, No, Michelle, these words are for you. It brings me to tears as I think about it. My week of little insignificant issues were just that, insignificant. I shared the story yesterday with my sister, and today felt it weigh upon me to also tell my Mom. Much as I hated to admit it to her, because you know I'm just human.... I told her. I still can't say I love knowing it, but she said to me, God tried to use me to tell you, but when you wouldn't listen he brought it to you himself. Even at 35, I'm still a child of the King, being taught, being stretched, being guided through whatever means necessary. Maybe it's a lesson in patience as well as listening. Thank goodness He never gives up on His children.

Following Up

So, my mass or area of dense tissue went from being 9 cm to 3 cm, so that is good news. The disturbing news....the radiology report didn't read ANYTHING like what the radiologist actually said to me on the table. Now, I admit I was a little off my game that day, but I'm not a total loon, I do know what she told me. The "dense tissue" is still there and I'm to monitor it to check for change. Hmph. Also bothersome, I have to have another mammogram in six months, yay me. Really stoked for that experience again. Bleck.

We went on our first family camping trip last weekend. It was insanely hot, but we did enjoy ourselves and hope we can someday secure a pop up camper to make the experience more enjoyable and more frequent. I was so relaxed. It really was a great time. Unfortunately we came home and Lillian got really sick...so did I...and so did Isabelle. Not so relaxing.

This day, in particular, has been very trying. I'm tired and this stupid cold or whatever it is is still just hanging in there. Lillian is on TWO antibiotics and now has TWO oozing ears. What I want to do is have a two year old tantrum and call it a day, but I won't. This too shall pass. School resumes on Thursday and I really long to have my kids home a little longer, they are anxious to go back, and I guess, it will get a little quieter here during the day.

Overall, we had a nice summer, time in our neighbors pool, church activities, and most of all just good quality family time. Before I know it, Christmas will be on us and another year will pass. The older I get, the faster it seems to go.

Life's little notsogood surprises.

Ok, so unbelieveably, still, I report that the last couple of weeks have been a little rough. I managed to somehow come down with mastitis. Never had it in five pregnancies, but for some reason manage to get the awful illness. It is the sickest I've been in a very long time. Not to mention the pain. In the course of this illness, a mass comes up in my breast. To ease my worriesome mind, I co back to the doctor for him to just tell me I'm still needing to finish my antibiotics and perhaps be subject to a needle aspiration of what I think is an abscess. Imagine my shock when the first words from his mouth are something to the affect of "inflammatory mastitis can be a mascarade for breast cancer". Well let me tell you, I almost fell off the darn table. I think it was then, that my body just started following orders while my mind stepped outside of me saying, "this is not you". Honestly you could have slapped me and I don't think I would have known it. I go immediately from the office to the hospital for my first ever mammogram, followed by an exam by another doctor and then on to an ultrasound. There are words like, asymmetrical breasts, very different breast tissue, fluid pocket, inflammation, and puzzled expressions. The outcome, "well, there is fluid, but if there is something under the fluid I can't see it because of the fluid"..."you are not out of the woods, but at the edge of the forest"
So, I finished antibiotic and I wait to see the doctor again. It'll all work out.

Yesterday, on the intersate, driving home, a semi had a tire blow out in front of my car. The explosion scared me to death. I was less than a car length behind him and it was his back inside tire. Big cloud of black smoke, then debris hitting my windshield.

I need a few less surprises in my life these days.

I need a vacation....oh, and a money tree.

4th of July and other stuff....

Ok, so I won't complain, why is blogger posting my pics like this? I guess I'm just happy they uploaded. Just a few of my favorite pics of our 4th of July picnic. I made a lasagna, strawberry pie, and texas sheet cake. My sister brought chicken caeser salad, and garlic bread. Grandma threw in some KFC and we sat around and enjoyed some family time. My Mom came later, as well as my brother in law after he got off work, and he shot off some fireworks. My BIL was shooting off fireworks, and I had the warm sense of nostalgia, as it was something we did as kids. I remembered having sparklers, but didn't remember actual fireworks until they started shooting off in the sky. The end of the night was the best part of the day. For me. My kids also delcared it was the best 4th ever. Although, my niece let me know that "normal" folk have hamburgers on holidays, I didn't come home with ANY lasagna leftover. LOL. We've never been accused of being normal, that's all I can say. My girls are growing so fast.

RAN-DOOOOMMMMM

1. Would it not crack you up if you found these images of your husband on the camera. Pictures that he takes just to crack me up? I get kissy lips on my cell phone a lot too. The other day, he did a post it note on my phone that said I love you baby. He routinely sets my alarm and it goes off saying I love you. Just a few of the reasons I've loved this man more than half my life!

2. A quilt I've been working on for YEARS, yes I mean years. Course, I think I started it pre-Lillian, so you can understand why it's not done. One thing that bothers me, as a novice quilter, I didn't draw any lines before i started quilting it, so it looks like i was drunk while I quilted. I really love the pattern and the colors, oh the colors I LOVE, it took me a good long while in the store to pick my colors and patterns, but I'm so disgusted with the crooked lines. So the question is, do I rip out all the quilting ( which is mostly done) or do I continue stitching like a drunkard, or do I draw lines on the rest and just giterdone? *sighs*

3. I made this for Lillian when I was pregnant, but didn't get it quite finished til much later after her birth. It just needs binding. Part of me would like to finish it and give it to someone precious that would love and cherish it to death, but the other part of me can't seem to let go of the sentimentality it holds because it was for Lil' Bil. Not to toot my own horn, but I'm very pleased with my quilting on this particular one. I quilt by hand, it's so soothing. I made my very first quilt entirely by hand, but now I pretty much machine piece and hand quilt.

4. This is my new ride. I thought it only fair to share the new since I shared the broken one. LOL.

5. I just finished reading another Robert Whitlow book and I whipped through it in a day. The sequel to it is not at my local library, so I have to wait for it to be transferred here. Not to worry, though. I've three in my stack callling my name. I recently started reading some books by Jennifer Chiaverini. Easy, good reads. I think that is what has sparked my quilting bug again. She weaves the story around a group of women joined together through a quilting bee.

6. All these quilt thoughts, remind me of my dear friend, Jan, who passed away a year ago with ALS. I miss her so much. Her husband gave me some of her clothes and her smell is still there, even after washing them in my own stuff I can smell her detergent or perfume, whichever. It's funny what sparks the memory isn't it?

7. I've been trying lots of new recipes lately, and today I hit a homerun. It was called deep dish pizza. I found it on www.southernplate.com I tweeked it a bit to meet my satisfaction. It was wonderful and SUPER easy. I've fallen in love with her peanut butter cookie recipe. I've tried quite a bit off her website, I haven't LOVED everything, but we've like a whole lot. I would love to have her book. I got it from the library, had to wait for it forever, but it was a good read as well as some great recipes. She really touches my heart. I cried reading part of it, seriously, a cookbook? I know. But- if you know me, you are probably not surprised. ha.

8. Summer has been insanely busy. Bethany has been in summer school, Lillian has been in summer school, therapies twice a week, weddings, birthday parties....no rest for the weary.

9. Enjoying our new church and the fellowship it brings very much. It is still difficult to be new somewhere, but given time, it will be more like home. We will soon be starting small home groups called life groups, can't wait to get involved with that.

10. I'm hankering to do some crafting, cards, scrapbooking, sewing..anything, but the the middle girls are sleeping in my craft room and another computer is set up in here as well, so room is diminshing. Thinking of moving them down and moving my room up, but then I'd really never get in there, so I think it will have to be just like it is for the time being.

I think I'm done now. Random complete.

Going "home"

Today we took the girls down to my Dad's. Two of them are staying there for a couple days. As we drove, the closer we got the more I started to have an internal reaction to getting closer to the place I grew up. Similar to how I felt,as a child, when we traveled any time. I always felt a bit more relaxed as we drove into the small town where I went to school. It was sort of like a peace, just knowing I was "home". Since my parent's divorce, in the times that I've been there, I have left feeling sad and aching. Most often in tears as I made it to the next small town. I've never really understood it...and I guess, even though my Dad is there, it bothered me because the sense of my mother was gone from there. I guess these few years later, I'm finally comfortable being there again without her. He seems to be spending more time putting flowers and bushes around the property and cleaning out the large flower garden Mom had grown. Today, I regained that feeling of peace. Ironically, putting it into words is making me quite emotional...but overall, the good memories presided today.

Remember...

all those cards I was making for my sister in law? I got them finished today..

and with the help of Bethany,

Got my craft room cleaned up and organized.

So, Amanda came over and we crafted...woohoo!