Monday, October 5, 2009
A little visit
It is no secret that we have not been able to regularly attend church since Lillian was born. We try very valliantly to get our kids there with the help of some wonderful folks (not the actual church we belong to that is) I miss it terribly, but know I can still commune with my Father and that in time we will be able to resume attending when life is a little different for us and Lillian. It does not change the fact that it breaks my heart that people/friends from church just assume we go somewhere else or just stopped coming. I don't think anyone truly understands the depths of the life we are living right now, ecspecially folks who are not around. It amazes me that even though there are constant prayer requests for our girl or our family noone gets it. It hurts. I understand that people have lives and are busy but isn't that part of belonging to a church---to be there and care for each other. I popped into church the other day to drop off a DVD and the choir was having their normal practice. Once they saw me the implored me to stay and sing with them and it was wonderful. I had intended to be there this morning to sing and be in the service, but that was before I was staying up all night doing treatments. It just weighs my heart down sometimes. Heavy.
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3 comments:
Oh how I understand your heavy heart! We make it less than we'd like to too. Sometimes when I am there I feel as though I am walking in slow motion pushing Abby in her stroller as everyone passes by in fast pace motion... their lives moving on... new bulging tummies, children growing taller, a smile and hand wave instead of a stop for a hug and genuine hug. No one at this place where I am to feel most home and loved understands my old yet very new walk. Why is it that if your in the hospital they flood, but during the stead stream of small influxtions it seems they've all run into the woods? I just want you to know there are those of us that do understand, do care and do think of you... The Good Lord just saw it fit to keep us far enough away from one another so as to only be able to encourage with words! How I wish I was closer to give you a hug and walk with you, hear your voice and listen to your heart... I am here, just through this cold non-emotional computer screen!
It is so hard when you have to make choices to protect your child, when they have such special needs! Our walk with the Lord actually becomes closer having our special kiddos, but our life can't always show this, because we have a more difficult time getting to church! I'm sorry that this is a burden on you! I get it though!
During the summer months we usually go as a family, but if Gavin gets sick and when flu season hits, we have to take turns, so that one of us can stay home with him. It's not fun and it's lonely, but it has to be done! Others just don't get it.
I understand what you mean about others not getting it. They are asked to pray for your family and they know how often you've been in the hospital and they know what has happened with your child, but yet they still think life is just floating on by as usual, like their life is.
I get so frustruated when people at church ask if Gavin is crawling or walking yet? I look at them like they are nuts! He had a massive stroke and probably NEVER will do these things and they were told this, but they just don't want to register this information, I guess. Heck, I'd just be happy if he could sit up on his own!
Anyway, I feel your pain! I think that you, me and Tamara (and a few other special Mommas) need to all move to the same town so that we can support one another and help each other out! What do you think?
Hang in there! LOVE, HUGS AND PRAYERS!!!!
I am sorry you are feeling people at church don't understand the life you and your family live. I really think that is the case with anyone who is not with us, in our homes on a day to day basis. I have a WONDERFULLY supportive family but they still are amazed when we are around them for any lenght of time. Amazed by how complicated this life is. Amazed at how much stuff we have to do to and for Marissa. Amazed by the lengths that we go to just to do "normal" things.
I am glad that you got to practice with the choir but I'm sorry you couldn't be there Sunday to sing with them. I hope it uplifted you to be able to practice with them even that little bit.
Hang in there Mama, and lean on the loving arms of our Lord.
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