Friday, January 30, 2009


Why is every decision so difficult? Why does my daughter have to struggle and suffer? Why do I have to continuously battle financial situations? Why do people who should be there supporting us be the farthest away from us? Why does it seem like the harder we try the harder it becomes. Why does my heart ache so deeply for others who suffer? Why do those have to suffer? Why do I feel like I have strong faith, yet feel like such a failure? Why do my childrens' actions provoke me so? Why don't I have contol of that? Why can't I reshape who I am?

Monday, January 26, 2009

I'm back I hope...

Let's see, so much has been going on, it's just been very difficult to come and blog, I've been making attempts at catching up on my bloggy buddies, but good golly I've missed so much. I'm sitting here reading feeling somewhat guilty and near to tears as there are so many needs I could have been addressing in my prayers.

First up, Lillian is doing pretty well, I believe she is still battling ear infections, but we're dealing with that. All of the other girls are healthy and mouthy as usual.

2nd up, I'd been suffering from severe house-a-tosis (that's when you aren't able to leave your house for a long time...) however, the weekend was a busy one, so I'm better now. Went to a friends' house Friday night, ran around shopping for my Mom's bday Saturday and had the fam over Sunday for dinner. I'm almost over my physical illness, just a tiny cough hanging on.

3rd up, Burn Notice is back on, woo hoo! I love Michael Westen!
4th, believe it or not friends, I think we may be looking at another move. The thought of this is TOTALLY overwhelming. It is evident that we cannot afford the heating bill here and we think the money to fix it to be affordable would be more than we have. The good news, we are getting some helpful information from the Long Term Flood recovery team. I think we also have a couple options for another place to live....MAYBE. I HATE moving my kids again. Makes me feel like a horrible parent. In general I've been a little overwhelmed. The last couple years have been just a tiny bit stressful.
I did accomplish getting all my kids clothes sorted, purged,laundered, and put in a different place in efforts to keep things better organized. Course, that amounted to me working 3 days straight with no rest until 11 at night. OH yes, and then overheard the hubs complaining that there were clothes on the couch (bc I ran out of hangers)....I came close to some jail time that morning. lol. I have discovered I get little accomplished besides cooking, dishes, and taking care of Lillian. A lot of folks are leaning heavily on me to get some respite care, but I'm still not really convinced that is the answer. You'd have to have been through it to understand it. It's not as easy as it sounds.
Well, my bloggy thoughts have had mulitple interruptions so that's all I'm writing right now. Will try to fill in more later.

Friday, January 16, 2009

Why am I MIA

Well since we've been home I've been horribly sick and had to have Matt home to care for Lillian. I'm still sick, but having to leave my home for the moment as we have run out of propane gas. (should get some later, but not sure when)(used a whole tank in one month's time) I promise I will get back to my blog buddies and I so appreciate your prayers and thoughts. Lillian has been acting really good, but seems very junky lately. The last two days anyway. Trying not to freak. Sorry...I must go as my fingers are frozen.

Thursday, January 8, 2009

Just a quick note

Lillian is home and I am exhausted...she is still requiring oxygen off and on...but I am oh so happy to be home. Thanks for prayers and messages!! Will be more detailed later...

Saturday, January 3, 2009

A brief Update

First thanks for all the prayers...we need them right now. Lillian has been in Riley since Tuesday and has a virus called human metapneumovirus. She currently is taking a bad turn every evening that gets progressively worse. She is a hop skip and jump from going to the PICU. She cannot keep her O2 levels up and will most likely be on CPAP when I get back to the hospital tonight. I'm home briefly for my 9 year old's birthday party, who btw, is having a vey hard time with all this. I'm trying to stay positive but each night as she worsens I have my worries. I need to have a huge meltdown, but i just don't have time. I'm getting little sleep and Lillian is not sleeping well either. I do not think I'm underestimating if she is not in the hospital at least another week. I am trying to keep her website updated via my sister. You can check on her there at I don't have access (well I do) to a computer, but Lillian is very very insistent upon my presence in her room. She's not even being very nice to her Daddy. This is a very hard time. Sorry this is brief, but it's all I have time for right now.