Sunday, March 29, 2009

Spiders and Other such things

Let me just preface this post by saying I'm totally, ridiculously afraid of spiders. Big or small. Any color, any creed, any species. I become paralyzed.

Now you can truly enjoy this. As I lay resting on the couch this afternoon, (having two extra kids all weekend) I thought my necklace was moving around my chest. I looked down in time to see a spider scurrying into my bosom. I screamed and smacked myself like a crazy woman and no spider fell out of my shirt. Being the busty woman I am, you can imagine where I found said spider. That's all I'm sayin. Dead of course, suffocated if not beaten to death. All in the house got a HUGE laugh at my expense. So not a delightful end to my weekend.

Friday we had company for brunch. I made an omelet roll, homemade cinnamon rolls (yes, the guests asked for a reprise) hash browns and my friend brought fruit salad. I set the table with nice dishes and put the juice and milk out in was lovely. I love to entertain, and I have a crazy obsession with dishes. I just don't get to do this often due to the complexities of my life...but I got the chance Friday and it was fun. Friday evening was a fun-filled girls night with four girlfriends, tacos and Mamma Mia. It was a little corny, but did give a giggle every now and then. Stayed out way too late. Saturday was lazy day. Hanging around in the house with Lil' while Matt, the girls, and every kid in the neighborhood hung out in the backyard. I go out there to find that my husband has made wooden "guns" for EVERYONE in the yard...that---are you ready for it----that shoot rubber bands. The Mom in me immediately starts panicing in my mind about someone getting shot in the eye and what a really bad idea this is even though everyone is having a crazy good time. About this time what do you think comes 15ft across the yard and flings me right in the middle of the face???? Um, yeah, I was none to happy about it. But do I kill the fun? Nope, just come back in and leave him to deal with whatever may happen, check your papers for the next lawsuit with our names in it...

Sunday I had every intention of going to church but I just could not get out of bed. I'm not sleeping very good these last couple days. Lillian is coughing a lot through the night and I'm having the craziest dreams. Rebecca had a choir performance today which was beautiful as always. Then I finally get rid of one extra kid and my oldest daughter and my niece fill my bedroom with candles and give me a foot/hand massage. The funniest thing about it was they tried to talk in accents, which was just hilarious.

Matt works early day shift this week which is likely to kill me, but I'll manage and at least he'll be with me to help at nights.

So how was your weekend? Any spiders down your shirts??

Wednesday, March 25, 2009


Ok, I cannot get inspired. I'm in a funk. Struggling. Wondering how I got here. How did my life get here and will it EVER---well, no, I won't even finish the sentence. So instead of whining even more, maybe I'll talk about my new obsession. I got a bread machine for christmas. WHAT was this fat girl thinking by asking for a bread machine for christmas??? In the last four days I've made yeast rolls....oh my word, cinnamon rolls that rival the mighty cinnabon---getting ready to go nuke one of them babies right now, and last but not least breadsticks that taste like they came straight from Noble Romans. Hello-can you say a moment on the lips a lifetime on the hips??? I've always wanted to bake but hated all the kneading and waiting and rising....but lo and behold, the might bread machine does it all. I'm in L.O.V.E. I don't know how I lived without the thing and why I've been so intimidated by it. I've had little time to mess with it since Miss Lil has garnered us so many vacations at Riley, but since we've been home this time I've overcome my fear. Do you remember that old cartoon where the dog would eat his treat and float up in the air and drift down while moaning in pure enjoyment. Well, that's me. (only a much larger dog am I) Of course, ten days of living on hospital/Mcdonalds food will make you appreciate home cooked food so much more anyway. Ahh it's good to be home.

Lillian is battling some little something AGAIN. The kids are trying to drive me nuts, which let me tell you, is a very very short drive. Mother Nature has thrown the worst menstrual cycle at me than I've had in months which is helping to contribute to my less than favorable attitude and probably my eating bread festival. I'm already counting down the days until school is out. I know people think I'm crazy, but I like the summer, no homework, no laying out clothes, searching for socks....all that good stuff. Such a relief.

So, do you love summer break? Are your kids making you batty? Got any good bread machine recipes to try? Do you feel like the weight of your life is breaking your back?? Do share...

Monday, March 16, 2009

Lillian is still at Riley and it sucks. See

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Back in the Hospital

Lillian has landed back at Riley. Matt is with her bc I have the stomach flu, so I'm out of the loop sorta....

Sunday, March 8, 2009

Just when you think...

Please pardon me while I babble....
I remember when we were out of gas on the really coldest day of the whole year and we didn't qualify for energy assitance and I was sitting on my friend's couch I said in tears, I just don't think I can handle anything else. I thought. Since that time, Lillian has been in the hospital three times, Madeline has been diagnosed with binocular dysfunction (and the treatment required is not covered by insurance), we've determined that we have to move again, and NOW Lillian is puking again. HMMM, God does like to tap us on the shoulder doesn't he? What are our choices exactly?? Keep on keeping on. That's all we can do.... Pause for puke clean up in baby bed....It seemingly never ends. It is mind crippling at times to wonder when there will be reprieve. I continually remind myself how fortunate I am. I have five beautiful girls, a loving husband, a roof over my head. We have survived major medical issues with Lillian, lived through a horrible flood, been given many undeserving gifts, I should never, ever complain. Please bear with me when I'm grumbling and feeling totally lost. I hope people understand why tears fall so easily from my eyes. I hope I'm not judged a nut case. (although, it takes a nut to know one in my opinion) As I lie in bed each night my mind races with all of the issues that I'm trying to figure out...where will what furniture fit in the new house, when do we tell the owners of this house we're not staying, how will we find money to pay for Madeline's treatment, and I wonder if mattresses ever rain from the sky? Does anyone else do this to themselves? I can tell you right now it has done me little good except keeping me awake at night. *breathes deeply*

So, what did my week hold? Phone calls for surgery issues, Madeline's 7th birthday party at Chuck E. Cheese, Paul Blart Mall Cop with Bethany and Rebecca on Friday, an unexpected very appreciated date night with Matt Saturday night---Gran Torino. Sunday a visit from Dad-aka-Pa. Also a nasty cold taking control of my chest. Ew.

Results? We have a date with a plastics guy in Lousiville March 20th---see Lil's page for more info! Chuck E. Cheese--a good time had by all. I mean it. Seriously, there were times when that would have not been my idea of a good time at all, but it was fun and all the girls had a great time. Paul Blart, well, the girls thought it was great, I could take it or leave it, I'd say rent it if you are just bored, but not my personal favorite. Date night? My BFFF Marcia called and offered to sit with the girls so Matt and I could go see Gran Torino. ( I'd been wanting to see it) NOOONE ever just calls up and says hey, why don't you and Matt go to the movies, it was so deeply appreciated. Anyway, it was a good movie. There is very strong language in it, and actually pretty funny throughout, but very serious. It turns out sad but in a good way. Good date movie, I think hubby and wife would enjoy equally. I cannot remember the last time Matt and I went to a movie ALONE. It was so weird, we held hands, we got dressed up for each other, I wore make-up. It was fun. Reminded me of the old days except you don't have all that weirdness bc you've been married so long!! Those times are so rare for us and we needed it. It was only two hours, but we had a nice quiet two hours! So now we begin a new week. Prayers for puke-fest to stop (which by what I'm hearing right now doesn't sound imminent), peace for my friends who are suffering, and grace to continue to keep my mind sane. ok, I'll just say it myself, as if I were EVER sane to begin with.

Tuesday, March 3, 2009

A little too much

Maybe I shouldn't look back. Although it is a good time for reflection and how far things have come, it's also a reminder of such a difficult time. Many things cross my mind. The un-preparedness of it all. The tears every night in my lonely room. The feelings of being robbed of the most likely last infancy I'd get to experience. I think about how tiny she was even at over 8 pounds. How precarious it was to hold her bc of the pulmonary hypertension. They didn't want me to hold her bc it was so hard to get her in and out of bed and her intubation process was so hard. Sad memories.

Today is better, but I've had some retail therapy (that's what you do when you buy stuff for yourself) mind you even though it was all necessity type items, it still makes me feel really good!! I'm so tired of wearing holey socks and torn up underwear and only having ONE decent bra. I really want a pair of those long boots that go almost to your knees, but apparently I have uncommonly large calves bc I can't get them zipped all the way. Even though I'm fat, my legs are really not that big down there. Corn-fuses me. So here's a question, wondering if I should cut my hair, so I'm looking for opinions, I'm posting pics of long hair me and short hair me. Tell me what you think.

Long Hair

Short hair

What do you think?

Monday, March 2, 2009

Deb Inspired Me

I made a montage of Lillian's first few months...Hope you like it!

A Harsh Week

Ok, so last blog I wrote about Madeline, well, the next day, my 33 birthday, I found out that Plastics doesn't want to do Lil's surgery until JULY 2nd. (now, I'm not a cusser, but let me tell you how bad I wanted to) JULY 2nd???? Are they kidding me???? No-freaking-way! Don't you know pulmonary is scrambling to see if Plastics will move it up so we won't take her somewhere else. I've yet to hear back, and if I don't get a phone call TOMORROW, syonara Riley. We WILL be going elsewhere. That had me in a dither all day until I went into "fix" mode. Don't you know my buddy Deb is online looking up info on CCH for me while I'm crying to her in her classroom. Our pediatrician was also mortified. UGH, I should just move on or I'm going to gripe gripe gripe. It just kills me. Once again, I'm feeling like she's being treated like the book on the library shelf that doesn't really need any attention. IRKS ME TO NO END.

Breath in----Breath out----

the rest of the week, how'd that go, well, thursday morning, hubs brought me breakfast in bed. It was all fancy too....he does so good, now if he can just make sure it's hot when he gets it to me, that would be great!!lol. I would never tell him that, and I don't heat it up bc I would never make him feel like I don't appreciate it. it's the thought that counts. Thursday I also returned to school for volunteer work, a few said they thought they felt the building quiver. hmmm.

Friday we went to lunch with some friends at Texas Roadhouse (Matt and I had a free meal there from a Christmas gift) and we were having a great time, we get our food and we are eating and I stick my fork in my potato ( they have the best bakers) and i'm digging the edges out and what do I unearth but a monstrous long hair buried in my baker. *gags* The waitress just happened to be at the end of the table to see it....ok, I'd like to say I have a steel tummy, but nothing will ruin your meal like some stranger's hair coming out on your fork. *wretching* They were really nice about it, cooked up a whole new meal for me to take home which I ate for dinner. Never a dull moment.

Weekend news, Saturday I was forced to go out into the bitter cold and pick up cold meds and such and then family came over for dinner that night and we played a card game called five crowns. It was fun, go out and get it if your a card kinda person. Going to hunt it down myself.

Sunday, made it to church for SS, went to Mom's for birthday lunch. Mom got me a pair of jeans and four longaberger plates. I can't afford them anymore but I really want enough for at least my immediate family to eat off at a setting. My sister crocheted me a pretty blanket that is extremely warm. After dinner on the way home stopped by a viewing for a church friend and was doing alright til her mom talked with me. The deceased woman had SB. Her mother found her in her apt. Pretty unexpected. She put her arm around me and said, Michelle I know what you're going through, and sometimes your are just so exhausted, but it's all worth it. I agreed with her....and of course started to cry. Tears are welling up right now. She said so many things to me in those short moments. It was so sad, but I know she was happy to have her daughter as long as she did and said now she's whole. I think in my mind...Lillian will never be "whole" until she's with her heavenly Father. Any one of the last illnesses she's just had could have been her end, but God has chosen to keep her with me and I'm so thankful.

All of the other girls have a cold right now and Lillian is coughing quite a bit, but I'll take it all. I'll take this season, the repeating a grade, the big ole' hair in my potato. I'll face whatever the future holds and I'll survive.