Tuesday, December 15, 2009

So-what are you up to?





































This is what we've been doing...








Friday, December 4, 2009

Many firsts

It has been a nut house here in the Halcomb family. My baby starting preschool, turning three, thanksgiving, some new sickness to deal with every week and my first actual traffic ticket in my 15+ years of driving. On Lillian's first day of school no less. My girls are growing up fast. It makes me reel to think Bethany will be in highschool next year. She is blossoming from a young cute girl into a beautiful young woman. She is tasting the first fruits of a "real" boyfriend and a breakup, but she is handling it all like a champ. Rebecca is a social butterfly and soaring through her classes with little thought to it, just flapping her wings through life. Isabelle and Madeline are doing much better in school this year, what a blessing and they are too starting to grow up from being "little" kids. Me, well, I'm just trying to balance it all. We are still enjoying the house and the land, albeit there have been some issues, but in the great scheme of life we will just deal with it because we love it here.

Our four outside dog family dwindled down to two now back up to three and amongst the many barn cats we have also added two rabbit girls to the farm. (one which I thought would live and die here all in one day had it not been for my swift action in saving it from the puppy)

Pictures, well I'd have loved to added pics through out this story but I am thoroughly disgusted with my so called rechargable batteries. BLECK! This is the second system I've bought that seemingly is failing. Any thoughts out there digital camera users? Totally annoyed.

I have not gotten my Christmas decor up yet, but priorities...I haven't blogged in a coon's age...LOL.

I have a gripe I want to share about the things people say that they shouldn't, but I have decided against it. I just need to let it go and move on. Regardless of how it affects me. I just wish I could be more quick witted when people say stupid things. Truthfully, it's best that I don't, bc although they are hurting me it would be wrong just to hurt them right back.

So holla back blog friends, do you have your decorations up yet? any answers for the stupid digital batteries?

Thursday, November 5, 2009

Surviving the Fall

Seriously, I have fallen twice in five days. Saturday, my grace slipped and fell in my tub. You'd think with all this padding it wouldn't be so painful...notsomuch. Yesterday, I almost threw away some stale crackers and I thought to myself, self...go throw them in the field for the birds. So, I did. On my way back to the house, I stepped in a cleverly disguised hole and gave myself whiplash. Thank the Lord for sparing my face and for a very kind therapist who taped me. My neck is killing me. Almost to tears. ACK.

I have friend on Facebook is in strong competition to beat me in Farmville, so I'm working very hard to stay ahead.

Rebecca is home sick and not looking good AT ALL. Had to make a run to the Vortex for sprite and pedialyte for the sickly children in this house.

Our first annual Halcomb Hoe Down was a success. We had a good turn out and I think a good time was had by all. If I ever figure out how to redownload my programs that I lost the software too, I might be able to post pics again someday.

I know this is a crazy random post..but I haven't posted in so long, I wanted to get something out here. This no trach thing has been a big difference in this house.

Friday, October 23, 2009

A weight has lifted

Did you know how much a tiny little piece of plastic can weigh a person down? I feel lighter. I'm looking forward to bigger and better things. How much will life change now? I'm relieved, I think my kids are relieved. There is a bit more peace about us all. I, of course, sometimes have the sense of dread that something "worse" is going to happen now. It is insane. I do not linger on that thought. I push it aside and truly enjoy what a blessing it is to be right where we are. How blessed I am.

Thursday, October 15, 2009

HUGE NEWS

Hey there blog world, if you don't know already, check out Lillian's webpage....BIG NEWS over there!!!

Saturday, October 10, 2009

Laundry Fairy? Cooking Fairy? Tooth fairy-can I get a loan?

Seriously, I am so tired. My house is a D-saster and I'm too tired to even care. It's all I have been able to do to cook for all the rest of us household members....I'm sure I will run out of underwear soon...so something's gotta give. I have been going days without bathing bc of my sweet little daughters' illness, and I'm sorry, sleep trumps showers when you are going to bed in the morning hours.

The other girlies in the house have been passing around sniffles and coughs and all sorts of good things and I'm just crossing my fingers that something new does not invade my wee little daughter's body. I hate for any of them to be sick.

Have I ever mentioned that I have two daughters that have PMS now? I'm not sure either of them will make it to 18. I've got one that cries over nothing and one that is so hateful you'd rather she did not speak at all. lordluvaduck, only three more to go. These are the days that I miss all those "little" girls I used to have.

Since we've moved out here to the farm, we are planning a little barn party at the end of the month, Lord willin' and the creek don't rise...I'm excited. I LOVE to entertain and I just don't get to do it all that much any more.

In other news, ever since the little tornado that tried to take us out...(lol) two of the girls totally lose it when it rains. Hysteria sets in. And Lord help us if He sends thunder and lightning.

Our landlord apparently had not paid our electric bill in several months since the REMC man showed up to take the meter a couple days ago. Did I mention we can' t live without the electricity. Hello, my child's life depends on electricity. Apparently, her second car and tractor took precedence. Good to know. I'd hate for her to only have one drivable vehicle. I guess we can live without groceries too.

Sorry, I know this has not been a very positive update, did I mention I'm tired?

Monday, October 5, 2009

A little visit

It is no secret that we have not been able to regularly attend church since Lillian was born. We try very valliantly to get our kids there with the help of some wonderful folks (not the actual church we belong to that is) I miss it terribly, but know I can still commune with my Father and that in time we will be able to resume attending when life is a little different for us and Lillian. It does not change the fact that it breaks my heart that people/friends from church just assume we go somewhere else or just stopped coming. I don't think anyone truly understands the depths of the life we are living right now, ecspecially folks who are not around. It amazes me that even though there are constant prayer requests for our girl or our family noone gets it. It hurts. I understand that people have lives and are busy but isn't that part of belonging to a church---to be there and care for each other. I popped into church the other day to drop off a DVD and the choir was having their normal practice. Once they saw me the implored me to stay and sing with them and it was wonderful. I had intended to be there this morning to sing and be in the service, but that was before I was staying up all night doing treatments. It just weighs my heart down sometimes. Heavy.

Monday, September 28, 2009

Lots of stuff...just lots

The rollercoaster is doing it's best taking me up and down this journey of life and parenthood. Let's see, Lillian had her sleep study, (which is awesome, read the update here)...I spoke at the Women's Retreat and it was nerve wracking, but I actually managed to do it without having a total breakdown. ( I think perhaps there was a hole in the floor from where I was digging my heel into it trying to keep my composure) Upon arriving home from said retreat, Rebecca, child number two has managed to split her head open right on top which almost earned her some staples...dig a hole in her foot that looked like total hamburger AND wind up with a case of acute bronchitis and upper respiratory infection all within a short week's time. Isabelle is pretty sick right now too and upon telling three different teachers at school she didn't feel well, they apparently earned their medical degrees at the same time as teaching ones, bc not one of them sent her to see the nurse, who probably would have detected the 101 degree fever she had upon arriving home. Too late of course to be taken to the doctor. This does not make a mother happy. The didn't think she "felt" feverish even though her head was hot and cheeks were cold. One teacher even told her it was just the change in the weather. Hmmm.

Our roof is still leaking and the landlord has not paid the electrician for the work he did (which is in our name) Trying to not stress about that. Seriously, there is enough right now.

Cannot seem to get into the "new" doctor the children were supposed to see and spent one whole day on the phone with different docs/agencies trying to iron that out. Ironically, they have been placed back with our original doctor. UGH.

I've buried two pets in the last month, which was not pleasant AT ALL.

I managed to read a book called The Shack. I highly recommend it, I also just recently watched the movie, The Secret Lives of Bees and I really want to read the book. Anyone read it?

Blessings do abound amidst all these little obstacles, that in the great scheme of life are not all that bad, including being greatly blessed at the women's retreat, getting to spend some quality time with some of my best friends in the whole wide world. Being humbled by gifts that we so do not deserve but SOOOOO appreciate.

Sometimes, it just seems like there are more valleys than hilltops, you know? Currently, it is crazy windy here and I have the windows open. I might pay for that later, but oh I enjoy this time of year. My fave.

I bought some early christmas presents for my girls from my IRL friend over at Finding Normal and I have misplaced them, so I'm going ot have to do some major searching to unearth those suckers. Yes, you knwo those beautiful necklaces...watch out Deb, I may be placing another order...

Stuff, lots and lots of stuff.

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

It's a love/hate relationship

I guess I should be posting this on Lillian's blog, but it's a little too much me to post at the moment. I feel raw. I thought I was ok today, but one vomit fest and I'm back to ground zero. I have so much to be thankful for, grateful is even a better word. Let me explain. We had a follow up visit to the Pulmo team Monday. Needless to say, it was not great. They do not seem optimistic that she will be decannulated this year. Devastating blow. I cannot even explain it. I cannot fathom my poor baby suffering through another miserable winter. I thought I came to grips with it....um, until I changed her shirt this morning and must have wiggled that little piece of plastic too much which started a vomit fest. I was so angry. I still am, I'm just trying to hold back the tears because one of our therapists is on her way and I don't want to be a mess when she arrives, although it's probably hopeless, because I'm a crier. STUPID secretions that are there because her trach is there....stupid little piece of plastic that makes our life so difficult, hers ecspecially. Stupid piece of plastic, but gives her breath and life. I'm so beyond my threshold right now. SO beyond it.

Thursday, September 10, 2009

I can almost move again

Without pain that is. Yes, the kickball game kicked my butt. I think it would have been a lot harder on me had I not be push mowing the grounds since we moved here. It was so much fun, though, would do it all again! In the previous post, I failed to notate that I whomped (whomped, is that a word?? oh well) my sister in skip bo 4 out of 5 games. She is losing her edge or I'm getting mine. She used to be unbeatable. She commented to me that I didn't mention it, so here you go...*chants* I won you lost I won you lost! (does that make you feel better, seestore?)

Yesterday I had to take Isabelle to the doctor, a new doctor, by the way at the Community Health Center. What a nightmare I was in a horrible mood the rest of the day. I was unable to procure a person to go with me to stay in the car with Lillian so that was the number 1 first issue. So I thought I'd sit in the car with the kids until they needed us....#2 issue presents itself...I had to park over a block away from the building. #3 issue, walking into the packed waiting room and being ignored by the desk people. (on a good note, they did allow us to sit in a private office PTL) #4 issue, arrived for 1130 appt time at 1110 (as it took me 10-15 minutes to even find a parking place) #5, did not get taken back to see the doctor until almost 1:00. UNBELIEVABLE. Best yet, she believes it is just something viral. This was a new physician to us who spent less than 10 minutes on an exam and left. Not even the one we were supposed to be seeing, apparently that doctor quit the facility. My kids have been seeing the same doctor since Rebecca was born, 11 years. To make a long story short, bc of insurance reasons, they have to switch to this CHC. Perhaps I failed to mention that I left three messages at this clinic in August trying to get Rebecca scheduled for a sports physical and NOONE called back, and they DO NOT answer phones. I was biting back tears as we sat there waiting, what can I say, this form of change I just did not embrace well. The one and only thing that held off the tears....there was a large picture hanging in the room that had a Bible verse beneath it. I took that as a sign. I just could not believe a County Health Center allowed it to be there. Thank you Lord, for bringing me comfort in my difficult situation yet again. I wish the day had gone better and I wish they could have given us something to make Isabelle feel better, but that's not how it went.

Today, we go to the dentist for a filling and a sealant. Good, good times. Probably should stop this post and go prepare for that trip.

My friend, Marcia took some fantastic pictures of the picnic, cannot wait to post them.

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

Holiday Weekend Inanit-I mean fun!

No really, we had a wonderful weekend. Although rain threatened to move us inside and the hubs had to work on Saturday it was a great weekend. Saturday we had the treat of several unexpected but very welcome visitors. Helped the day pass since my love was gone. Sunday, dinner with my mother and C. We played a card game called Five Crowns and in game two I was mercilously defeated. I need a rematch. Monday, well, that was our annual Labor Day picnic. After my parents split, it seemed liked getting together on holidays no longer existed. I decided that my girls shouldn't not have memories of picnics just because our family was no longer in tact, thus I resurrected my own holiday picnic. Over three years, it has evolved into yesterdays group of 32 people, all the good cookout foods, games and waterballoon fun. May I just say, that I'm having a hard time getting around today due to the wild game of kickball, that fat-outof shape- hostess should not have played...lol. I had a blast and I think everyone enjoyed it. Course, there was probably a great deal of laughing at seeing me kick the ball and run like a maniac trying to catch the ball. I was quite certain I would require CPR before I made it to third base. The best, when my friend S, kicked the ball wayyyyyyy out past me and me busting a move trying to catch it....and her thirteen year old son whizzing past me to get it...hmph. Are you laughing? I also got the short end of the stick with the water balloon toss. Hee hee. The kids had the best time. It was just how I wanted it to be. The rain held off except for just a little bit of sprinkling after the game, but hey we were all sweaty by then, so it felt pretty good! The evening ended with my sister and her family coming over and having supper, playing skip bo and watching Monday night RAW. (yes, we are a wild bunch) My nephew went upstairs and snuck through the attic and scared his cousins half to death, it was awesome...can you guess who put him up to it? Yes, his Uncle. To preface the festivities we started the morning out with a plumbing leak in the basement and a leaky roof, but none of that stopped us from having a great day. How was your holiday?

Friday, September 4, 2009

I'm one of those people

Yes, I said it. I think I'm one of those people. I'm a firm believer in not saying what is in your brain at the moment it is there all the time. Sometimes we speak and it offends someone or comes out the wrong way. Then when its out its out...no turning back. While I try very hard to do this, I think maybe I'm a miserable failure. I mean, seriously, you don't have to give your piece of mind about everything. Sometimes I speak with such certainty and really I'm just as clueless as can be. Why do I even speak?
Examples, I'm not a fan of the typical response to the question, do you want a boy or girl and everyone says --oh I just want a healthy baby. HELLO- of course you want a healthy baby....think about it, do you love your child less if he/she isn't? I don't think it is necessarily wrong to want one sex or the other. Of course, I say this because I was once that person who said I just want a healthy baby.
2. Once in a Riley waiting area, I met these lovely people who had a little girl baby they were just so proud of. The father mentioned that she was so loud sometimes he wished he could turn her down, (and he was totally trying to be funny)which in turn led me to say, "you'd miss it if it wasn't there" Now, why did I feel compelled to say such a thing. I didn't mean anything bad by it, but was it necessary just because my view is different?
3. People who have no children and are perhaps exposed to children regularly think they know better how to parent than you do. Hmmm, just let that one sink in. (i used to be that person, probably)

I'm one of those people, past, present, and future. I hope as I pop around commenting on peoples' blogs I'm not at all offensive. Most of the time I just say- the first thing that pops into my head. UGH-

Thursday, August 20, 2009

I just thought it had been a while...ha

I haven't posted about sickness for my girl in a while. If you are reading on over here you know Lillian is quite ill with something viral. I'm praying it is something we can manage here at home. Aside from the fact that I don't want to go on sabbatical in a hospital again, we have no doctors at the moment. We see her new pulmonary doctor on the 24th, so we really need this yuck to go away.

We are pretty well settled in to the new place. The garage is still a disaster, but overall things are in good shape. I really love it here. It is peaceful. Upon moving we inherited a vast number of cats, who have been quite lazy at mousetrapping. We killed right around 20 mice in the first couple weeks here, but ever since the D-con got put out, haven't seen hide nor hair of the little critters. We knew it was time for the big guns when we sitting in the living room and the kids were sleeping and they ( the mice) decided to come kick back and watch a little TV in the living room. *gags* I'm sure we haven't seen the last of the little guys since we live in the country and harvest season is upon us...but for now, it is under control.

The girls have had a great time here climbing trees and roaming the property. We have a little family of wild ducks in our pond and countless frogs. We also became owners of four, count em four dogs. My hubs has always wanted dogs outside, well, now he has them. I will hope to post some pics soon. Not sure right now how as my PC has had everything stipped from it and I'm not sure how to load it all again. I'm not much of a cd saver. This, perhaps, is a bad practice I'm finding out.

I know this is a lazy post, but I needed something to occupy my mind for the moment. Maybe next time I'll be more interesting. Never know.

Saturday, August 8, 2009

A little bit of this a little bit of that

As I sat down here to prepare to type, I stopped and did some quick catching up on my blogs....it really helped me to feel a little more peaceful being blessed by others.

Do you ever have those days where you just truly believe you are the most inept parent in the universe? I had to discipline Rebecca today with a spanking. Yes, I believe in spanking, though it is not something I like to do and choose as a very last resort....I do have to do it from time to time. I did not punish in anger, but it is true that it hurt me more than it hurt her. I mean seriously, failure is all I feel at times. Why does the devil prey on me so? I've been very discouraged and fighting against self pity and focusing on all the positive that happens out of bad situations...ie, flood, tornado....medically fragile child....but at night when I'm tired, Satan creeps in and starts working.

So, instead of worrying about how I will pay for the damages to the house, I will continue to be thankful that we were all safe and things could have been much worse. I will stop second guessing every parenting decision I make and know God has his hand on their lives and always will.

Did I mention I was asked to be a guest speaker at a women's retreat in September? I am totally humbled and would ask your prayer for peace, courage and the ability to share what God would have me share for His purpose. It's days like these that make me want to say um, sorry, I changed my mind I'm not fit to speak to anyone, but that is just what Satan would like....

I should also know in the midst of exhaustion that I'm not clear. Lillian had a very bad evening of trying to get to sleep, now she is settled and I've been able to vent a bit, so I think I will call it a night.

Thursday, August 6, 2009

I get knocked down, but I get up again....

Remember that song? That's how I'm feeling recently. LOL. Gotta laugh. No seriously, we were very lucky, God was watching over us as always. We believe a tornado tried to touch down here. The news isn't saying so, but um, we were here and we saw and heard it....yeah, tornado....so here are a few videos of a small portion of the damage.

I have more pictures...there was quite a it of damage to the back of the house and there is an entire tree down in the field. The power lines are on the ground, but praise God we still have power. It has been two days of hard labor cutting and dragging limbs...you know, humongous tree limbs. At one point we had 4 feet high by 20 ft long by 10 ft wide of piles in the yard on either side of the cars. There is still tons of work to be done. Matt has had to take off the last two days, and that is the last thing we needed right now....but God will take care of us.

Have been busy as well with more doctor appts with the big girls in the midst of all this. Maybe some day I'll make it back to the blog world. At night, it is all I can do to keep my eyes open with Lillian. Did I mention that both of us can barely move.....lol.

Mandy---thanks for checking on us...sorry I couldn't get back to you sooner...hope you guys are ok too.

Saturday, August 1, 2009

Where oh where are you tonight??

Here, right here. I've been missing my blog world so much, but have ever so much to do, not to mention my PC had to have some serious work for the last couple weeks. The house is slowly coming together. I'm sore from head to toe from push mowing...but i have dropped a few pounds. :) The girls are all doing well. It has been a busy couple weeks, routine eye and dental appointments have kept me hopping. We have had so many obstacles lately, but the blessings we have received far outweigh them. I am feeling so blessed. We are so undeserving of the kindnesses of our friends and relatives that are there for us.

I have so much to say....but I'm SOOOO tired, just wanted to drop a quick post and say goodnight!

Monday, July 13, 2009

if you can call it surviving....

Let me see, where have we left off in the drama...oh yes, dog pee soaked carpets. I know you are all sitting on pins and needles...so why don't I just tell the whole awful story...hee hee. Basically, after two complete carpet cleanings, my hubs spent time here on his hands and knees trying to "sniff" out the worst areas. He determined Lillian's room to be the worst. Well, let's see, I think we had like five days to be out of our old house by this point. It took us a whole day to rip up carpet and pull out carpet staples and tack strip. I cleaned the floor on my hands and knees with vinegar and a scrub brush. (so not work for fat girls). We both spent time crying over the entire situation. Overwhelmed comes to mind. I knew it was bad when he cried bc the man is not a crier. Anyway, thank the Lord our dear friend Marcia went out and purchased the rental floor sander/sand pads/make the floor shiny stuff, bc the cheaper route was to finish the hardwood than to buy new carpet. It took Matt eight hours to sand it down bc it had previously been painted. He and our friend Oscar spent the next entire day putting on the floor stuff and hand sanding between the coats that were drying, as is the process of refinishing. That floor looks marvelous now and the smell is barely there. We intend to do the entire house, but that will take time. This, by far, has been the hardest move we've ever made. We were blessed to have helping hands as far as box packing/ furniture moving for about 6 hours but that is not much when you are only running one pickup truck and a minivan. To top it off, we worked like dogs at the old house to clean it only to have the landlords be complete jerks and who knows possibly try to sue us even though they refused to give us back any of our 1000.00 deposit (which they wrote into the contract and didn't tell us until the day we signed it) To say the least it has not been easy. Madeline had another repeat infection of MRSA which required a doctor's visit in the middle of all this. Her glasses have been broken beyond repair and insurance will not kick in until July 28, not a huge deal, but does tend to make a mother feel pretty worthless...(once again, title still in my name) Finances have been ridiculously tight as we had to come up with a deposit here even after we were told we didn't need one. You know, one can only miss so much work before it catches up and it has caught us. All this unexpected stuff required Matt to take off more work than orginally planned. Oh, and the center island in the current home...it had a top when I saw the house and when we moved in the top was gone, so that is something we are trying to remedy as well. Being a person who cooks for her family and has little counter space, a center island would be very useful IF IT HAD THE TOP. Does boggle the mind. I know I am probably making little sense, but it is late and I'm not sleeping very well.

We were given a bigger chest freezer which is something I had been in prayer about and despite all the obstacles of moving I know we are fortunate to have each other and the Lord will provide. It is difficult not to be discourage when you feel like you are hanging out in left field by yourself. I hate using the word depression, but I feel like it is something I am fighting every day to not be. A verse comes to mind about His strenght increasing in my weakness....I know that is true and it is the only thing that is carrying me. If it ever comes to your mind to wonder "how does she do it?" I don't. Plain and simple, I could not without the Lord. I just have to keep reminding myself of that and not be pulled down.

Me and the girls were able to spend Friday evening at my friend Marcia's house swimming in the lake and having a hot dog dinner. It was a good time and nice to finally relax a little. I was able to attend a 50th wedding anniversary celebration for some dear friends this weekend and able to catch up with some church family at the same time. It was bittersweet. The couple being honored are suffering a difficult situation as she has been stricken with ALS and it is rapidly taking it's toll on her body. She did seem to be glowing that day though. They have become such dear friends to us and it is difficult to watch unfold. I'm glad she was able to be there and celebrate with so many friends and family.

As difficult as things sometimes seem, I'm so thankful for your prayers and support and the blessings we receive so unexpectedly.

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

I'm a-gettin' tired.

We are officially moving and I'm worn out. We've had very little assistance which is extra stressful. On top of it the "new" house is drowning in the odor of dog urine and we cannot get it out. This in and of itself is very trying. Not to mention still needing to care of Lillian, cook meals for us, and daily living things....ahhh, soon this will pass and we will be able to relax a bit....hahahhahhahhhhaaaaaa......yeah right. I may not be back on in a while as things get moved around....say a prayer for all the nuttiness going on around here.

Monday, June 15, 2009

Crystal Ball please?

Could someone puh-lease, rub the ball and tell me that Lillian will be ok, she will grow and be normal and past all this vomiting and rough road? I want to meet someone who has traveled my road and says how things turn out....I want to know. I want to be reassured. I want to have peace that she will be with me. With us.
I just need to get it out sometimes. Just need to get it out of my head.

Our intent is to get some moving done this weekend. Hopefully that wil happen and we can get settled into our new place.

Madeline is in a summer reading program for the next week and a half and she is really enjoying it. I hope it really makes a difference for her. We are also waiting to see if we will get insurance approval for her treatment for the binocular dsyfunction.

Can I say that today my dog had a diarrhea in the floor (in the kitchen thankfully)however by the time I found it, Lillian had put it her hands in it and also hands in her mouth....*GAGS* Not a good morning. It's a longer story than that, but I'll spare you the details.

Went to a little festival down the road Sunday and bought some rosemary, the first herb for my soon to be herb garden. I've always wanted an herb garden.

OH- Big news, Belinda, my porch goose apparently lept off the porch and smashed her beak and has a hairline fracture in her neck. Gotta love it. Madeline thought it would be a good idea to try to "walk" her with the dog's leash. May I point out that I have ALWAYS wanted a goose for my porch. I finally get one for my birthday this year and she is already been damaged. I am totally about things are things and they are not as important as people, but it is disappointing. Those things are not cheap I tell you.

Thursday, June 11, 2009

I AM a bad mother...

Ok, I'm sitting here trying to catch up on blog reading...in the background are two, count em, two children reading out of different Shel Silversteen books. LOUDLY. (stupid libraries...) They are reading and laughing and cackling and rhyming and I'm about to LOSE MY MIND. How can I tell them to hush when reading is such a good thing??? WHY are my almost 13 year old neice and daughter totally enamored with the poems??? AHHHHHHHHHHH. Someone, please come get me and take me on a vacation.

I hope all reading know I'm totally joking about my jabs at reading and the library. Just wanted to give a glimpse of my morning...I am however, not joking about losing my mind, and friends I have very little left to spare.....

Tuesday, June 9, 2009

What Matters

Sunday was the one year anniversary of the Columbus flood. While we didn't suffer the damages that many people did, we were affected, however it did not even dawn on me that it had been a year. When I really start to think about it, it still doesn't affect me. I think more about what really matters. We survived it. God provided us escape and a new home to live in. He allowed us to get our family out of the home. While we lost a vehicle, He provided us a new one. Maybe it's just because there are so many other more important issues to face daily that it doesn't affect me. I'm just so thankful that we only lost our car, a few belongings, and even though we had to move in a weekend's time, a home was available for us. At the end of the day what matters is this...


God is good all the time







Even when there are hospitalizations...

What matters is tween girls still Love their Mamma

And each other

Little Girls can be silly.There are soldiers who will fight for our freedom


My Husband still loves me as much as he did 14 years ago...
It's difficult every day, and some days it just doesn't seem fair, but I never lose sight of what really matters.

Friday, June 5, 2009

Friday Fragments

*Took the donated bed from the lady down the street. (who consequently did talk to our landlords about the house, she told me the landlords asked her if I was bad-mouthing them....hello, talk about integrity----NOT) So will people IRL please vouch that I'm a grown woman with integrity and I'm NOT a liar. *sighs* Oh yes, and I got out of highschool about fifteen years ago...

*New bed (as I giggle typing) is so small but infinitely more comfortable than former bed springy bed...LOL. Almost fell out of it this morning though...LOL. (note to self, why on Earth did I think we could get by in a full size???)

*Summer vacation is upon us and I am still alive. (2nd note to self, I so don't have enough food in this house)

* Box packing is coming along. I get overwhelmed about every other day.

* My laundry is totally crawling up the wall. As I've mentioned on FB, why can it crawl up my wall, but not walk to my laundry room?

*Lillian is still puking and not up to full feedings, but we are making progress. Also, MOTY got to her just in time to see her guzzle down a big ole gulp of bubbles. Yeah, I'm staying on top...

*2nd youngest offspring sprayed entire can of carpet cleaner spray upstairs and I'm bout to gag on the fumes. Nasal passages on fire.

*Camera will not connect to my computer and I have a really cute video to upload and I'm bout to throw a ten cent tantrum bc it won't work. grrr.

*Why is blogger word verification turning into a sentence??? Goodness gracious.

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

Am I the only one?

Ok, so you know I've been writing off and on about my lovely mattress (for those who don't know....we desperately need a new bed set.) It is old as the hills and I'm getting permanent markings from the springs that are protruding. You may or may not know that we are also flood victims from the Columbus flood 6-2008. We were lucky, we lost a car and had to move from our home but we were fortunate to not have lost our belongings. So here's the rub.....today....(btw our landlords have a FOR RENT sign in our yard and want to show this house WHILE we are living here.....ugh, that's a whole nother post) the woman stopped at our house to pick up a rental application and they asked the kids to speak to me. While I feel like I really shouldn't talk to folks about the house, I certainly am not going to lie about it....ugh, this is a bit of story telling, but I need to tell it for it to make sense. After a lengthy conversation and me delicately trying to not speak ill of the landlords or the house...just telling the facts, we got to talking about being flood vics, well this lady was one too, only they lost everything. She mentioned to me that the long term recovery team was giving furniture vouchers to flood victims...if you had a flood number you could go get a voucher if there was still money. She felt like I should go. She said it was donated you should go.....personally, and I told her this, I don't feel like it's right for me to go take advantage of this bc I did not lose my stuff. I may have had to uproot my life but I did not lose everything I had. While I'm DESPERATE for a new bed I just cannot see going and getting a voucher for furniture just bc I was in the flood.....am I the only one who thinks I'm right??? I know there are people that are taking advantage of the flood and it disgusts me. Recently, I had to visit a food pantry bc I needed food. It really killed me to hear people who had admittedly were taking food just bc it was there and free (baby cereal and they didn't have babies or little kids AT ALL) To me, this is no different a situation. But the sinner in me says go get a voucher for your bed...you deserve it, you are a flood victim, but the believer in me knows it is wrong. The other thing the lady told me, she said if you can't get the free furniture come to my house and I have a queen bed and box spring I'll give you. We got it after the flood too. You might find this crazy, but I've been praying about a bed...yes, a bed. So, is this an example of the Lord sending me a bed or the devil tempting me to do something I feel is wrong? You know like the flooded man who prayed to be rescued but everytime there was a rescue attempt he told them the Lord would rescue him, when he got to heaven he asked the Lord why he didn't save him and the Lord said he sent him three different rescuers and he turned them all away.

Aside from this silly little thing, I'm a little stressed about lots of things....which is turning into a big old headache. I need to be writing about it all to get it out of my head, but I'm praying about it all. Having a hard time. Thanks for any and all thoughts on the matter.

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

The Blog Phenom

I am absorbed into a world of of lives of people I've never met. My prayers have expounded by leaps and bounds as I read and meet each new "person". I've cried tears for folks I've never seen face to face. I read about their lives wanting to reach out and touch or give them a hug, but all I can offer is a prayer.

I've also been blessed beyond measure. Inspired by faith of many. Found comfort in the words of others. Reassurance from those walking the same road. God's peace from the prayers of others who have found my blogs.

I'm immersed in the blog phenom. I'm thankful for what I learn and experience through it.

I pray I may be a blessing to others. That my faith my touch another or lead them to a personal relationship with the Lord.

Sunday, May 24, 2009

Catching my Breath



I'm baaaa-aaaack (two syllables). Ok, so I was never really gone, but haven't really had time time to write here in personal blog. So let me catch you up, in case you aren't reading about my little peach . Lillian had her cleft palate surgery and it went as well as it could. She had some unexpected bleeding post op, but evened out late into the night. She is still dealing with pain issues here at home, so we are trying to stay on top of that. Feedings are pretty much a nightmare, but that has been her life. No surprises there. Problem is, now it causes her to bleed when she's puked and puked so that is totally NOT fun. I'm now setting my alarm at the four hour mark to deliver her pain meds through the night and it worked last night, so I have high hopes for tonight. We really have not had to splint her arms since the first day after surgery.

Ok, so the rash on my face is slowly fading....hal-ley-loo-ya. School is almost out, so the rash is likely to re-attack...lol, just kidding. I enjoy summer break, there is just adjustment to be made. We are still moving at the end of June. I'm getting excited, but totally not too pack. That is entirely overwhelming. I'm not sure how we will manage with Lillian either. I'm sure it will all be fine. I'd be interested in any willing volunteers!!! :)

Still addicted to Farm Town, if you are on FB, play farm town, you'll never look back...hee hee hee, soon I shall have throngs of neighbors. (sorry, I feel Nutjim just popped in for a moment)

The other girls are all doing well, however a few nights ago, Lillian was snoozing and I was sitting here in the living room and Madeline came screaming in the back door. You know that scream that gets you up immediately because you know that is the scream that means something is really wrong....well, I meet up with her into the dining room where blood is streaming from her nose, sorry, her entirely purple nose. She had been running on the pavement after a ball, tripped and scraped her face from chin to forehead. It was AWFUL. I'm trying to stay calm so she will calm down....it was so not pretty. After some ice and tylenol and bleeding stopped she headed back outside and now has some serious road rash right up the middle of her face. Scared.me.to.death.

Our adopted cat had kittens about three weeks ago and we've never seen them. About three days ago, she brought one to the house. We figured the other ones had died. Um-no. Today, by noon time we had a total of four. They are the cutest little things you've ever seen. Anyone want one??

I think that about sums things up from here. Life is moving right along, God is good and he has seen us through even more new experiences.

OH wait, my sista, Renee gave me an award!!! Thanks girl!! Go on over and check her out, she's a hoot!!

And this is a pic of my Grandma and older girls from March when Lillian was in the hospital.

Monday, May 18, 2009

In Memory

Sunday morning I woke to the news that my Grandmother died, unexpectedly, in her sleep. My grandpa, her husband passed away not quite a year ago.We all were anticipating his death due to his ongoing illness, it was a blessing when he was no longer in pain. Grandma, on the other hand, although she had health issues, had not been suffering and bedridden. I'm hurting. I'm hurting because I loved her. She was a prayer warrior. She loved her family and she had a contagious laugh. I'm hurting because my Dad has lost both his parents in less than a year and he is the one who has to hold it together because everyone else is falling apart. I'm hurting because my Dad has noone to find comfort in when he goes home at night and is alone with his thoughts. I can't be here for him because my child is having surgery that must be done. Now my tears are blurring so much that I can't see to type. I have peace because I know she is with the Lord, but the grief of our earthly loss still remains. I'll miss you Grandma. I won't forget the way you laughed or how you always asked me to keep my babies when they were born. I'll smile when I remember how you went through every person's name in the family before you got to mine. I won't forget how you pretended to understand what we were saying even when you didn't. (she had lost her hearing and read lips) I'm glad you are with Jesus, a man you met late in life and loved with all your heart. I'm glad you are back with Grandpa and the sisters who went before you. I loved you and I'll miss you.

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Counting Down

Have I mentioned the long awaited surgery date is creeping up on us?? I have a rash all over my face and neck from nerves. Happens to me sometimes when I'm stressed. It doesn't itch or anything, but I look like I have some kind of leprosy. My family is like "what is wrong with your face" well, now, that is truly a loaded question...lol.



We have finished with concerts from choir for Bethany (and this last one was excellent. Much better than previous performances in my opinion) note to self, remember to email teacher about that. and I think Rebecca has one more to go and then it is a break for the summer. Rebecca really wants to join the band....ugh, we just do not have the ability to buy an instrument at this point. The girls are very edgy, I think they are just ready for summer break. I feel like we will lose most of the summer with moving. I am looking so forward to planting a garden and growing some stuff---oh and an herb garden I always wanted an herb garden!! Matt thinks I'm nuts because I want to can stuff, but I'm totally into it. It'll be a next year thing as it will be too late in the year to plant most things.



Have I mentioned I'm obsessed with Farm Town on Facebook? Um-yeah, I keep telling myself it's just a game and it doesn't matter if the crops die....



It seems as if I've done lots of running of errands lately and my bfff Jennifer has been riding shotgun, so to say, with me so I don't have to take Lillian into germy environments. God bless her, she's been around Lillian a lot but I kind of threw her to the wolves for being able to suction and such....but she has been great.



I found out today that Lillian's Medicaid has been re-approved...whoo hoo. I guess all it takes is three different document deliveries and having a crying breakdown on the phone with the caseworker. We have been so blessed that our primary insurance has been so good, but I know it wouldn't cover all of Lillian's medical needs. SIHO has been a huge blessing as well. Now I guess, I can relax for the next year until its time to do it again. Although Lillian is considered medically disabled, because Matt has a 401k plan she cannot receive disability medicaid which does not consider income. If he wasn't saving for his retirement, she'd qualify. Now there's something to ponder.

It is raining cats and dogs here in good old Indiana. I don't mind the rain though. It's soothing. Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't want it to rain ALL the time, but this is nice. Come to think of it, it was raining last Wednesday.

So, you know I have this goose on my front porch, Belinda. (Yes she has a name, stop laughing, I told you I belong in a rubber room) I need new wardrobe for her, in my spare time..(hehehehe) I could probably make her some clothes...anybody out there got a pattern they'd send me? I'm a dork, I know, but hey, it makes me happy. I'd even post a pic here, but I must have deleted her from my pics....

MOTY moment, I put my lovely little daughter in her bed bc she fell asleep while I rocked her int he recliner, turned on all of her equipment and after some time found she seemed to be coughing a lot. HELLO- turn on then PUT ON. Ahhh, just aspire to be like me...

I'm wanting to start a weekly Bible study with one of my IRL friends. Anyone have any suggestions for good studies? I need some positive stuff going on. Not that I don't have anything positive, but I need to start studying ALOT more of my Bible. I feel pretty good in my prayer walk, but my Bible reading is seriously lacking. True confessions.

I think the randomness is done, I know this post was pretty unorganized....

Monday, May 11, 2009

A Gathering of Mothers

Today held a multi-generation gathering of mothers and daughters. I went to my sisters (who made us all lunch) and my Mom and her Mom, my grandma and most of our children were in attendance (minus Lillian) There was eating, more eating, and more eating. Talking, re-telling of stories, sharing recent events, tears and reflections, laughter---ahem and I did not laugh so hard that I peed my pants whilst running to the bathroom. All in all a nice day, although my children were their normal selves...which included grumpiness at times and hatefulness to each other off and on. The drive up was yuck, but coming home was fun as we played games and chatted.

Most of all today, I thought of my friends who's Mothers are no longer alive and also Mothers who have lain to rest their children. It was a sobering thought. I realized how blessed I was to still have my Mom, Grandma, and daughters still in my life. How quickly it can be gone. I think Lillian's surgery has me very antsy which led my reflections to this place. I am blessed. Blessed beyond words and no matter how much I complain I will never take for granted how blessed I am.

Thank you Lord for blessing me to be a Mother, for giving me a loving Mother, Grandmother, and Sister. Thank you for my these women and others who teach me everyday how to be a good mother whether they realize it or not. In Your Sevice...

Saturday, May 9, 2009

Good Clothes, Good Prices, Good Idea

That, my friends, is the Goodwill motto. I rarely have good luck when shopping at my local Goodwill store, however, today was not the case. As you will see by the pics.



Some New Glassware-has a bubble motif going up and down-I mean come on, glasses get broken here daily.

Stride Rite Light up tennis shoes for Madeline


Black casual corner sleeveless (i'm breaking out of my shell, I figure if people don't want to see my fat arms they shouldn't look) Stiped dress shirt to go with my brown pants.




flower print dress from New York and company that is LIKE NEW that thankless daughters "don't like" Skirt and tank outfit for Madeline.



DuckHead blue Jeans for me. (fat girls can rarely find good, nice jeans at Goodwill)

Also got the cutest purse ever, but I couldn't find it to take the pic as oldest child took off with it.

Found it!!!
I love Goodwill.


Kids ran at Millrace Park today. It was for the Elementary schools and Matt said my girls were the only ones there from their school. They had a great time.


Here in a bit, I'm off to make some dessert to take to our Mother's Day dinner. Happy Mother's Day to all!!


Friday, May 8, 2009

This post brought to you courtesy of PMS

I love waking up in the morning to hear my DH griping about me when he thinks I'm asleep. Actually criticizing would be the right word....


I clean, cook, do laundry, run the kids, take care of the finances, handle any and all doctor appointments, handle all insurance issues, schedule all appointments here to and fro, the groceries, oh yes, and just the smallest task of caring for our daughter with many health issues-I do all this and a lot more without complaint. It's called parenthood---welcome to the party. I absolutely cannot stand the criticism behind my back. I hate the passive aggressive crap and I hate to be waken when I'm up half the night taking care of Lillian only to be being bashed---in front of the kids while he's sitting in a chair doing NOTHING.Oh and lets not forget that despite how tired and emotionally exhausted I am I also need to be a love goddess at midnight when I'm finally able to get my sweet little peach asleep with NO help.

Once again, not complaining, I love being a Mom and I'm happy to do what I do. But please don't criticize. I'm hard enough on myself.

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

My life is so not boring

Let's see, apart from dealing with unending vomit, other interesting events have a tendency to go ahead and take place on the Halcomb Homestead. All the kids were playing outside yesterday, and you surely must know, when my kids are out every neighbor kid in the area is here as well...anyway, they all come stampeding into the house....scared and bug eyed. They swear to have seen a man walk by the house cussing someone out on the phone and carrying a gun in his pocket. They were totally wigged out. So I corral them all in the front room and venture up to the liquor store---right in front of my house---(no not for booze) (stop laughing, I know I probably should be an alchey but I'm not) (I can be Nutjim all without the help of liquor)

whoo, man that was a rabbit trail....

anyway-the store had their doors all open and it is right by my house and I thought they may have seen something, but they did not. The guy in there points out a cop to me and I hail the cop down and tell him what I know---which is very little. Cop takes off and I go back home. Send all the little children back outside and about ten minutes later I cop with lights and sirens heads off in the same direction. Madeline came busting in this house like a little white tornado. LOL.

Long story short, the kids make multiple trips into the house because said "gunman" keeps popping up around the general area. I finally have to send everyone home and call my kids in bc seriously it was getting way out of hand. I mean it's just sheer nuts to try to calm my kids and 5 others in assorted ages....(God bless all you teachers in the World)

I wind up with an extra mouth to feed for dinner, bc lets face it, I can't hardly stand to send a kid home when I feel sorry for them. I decide to make a chocolate cake for dessert and in opening my cabinet to get the pan out, when am I greeted by but a little brown mouse. After screaming bc I was so startled and sending the mouse back to his hideout, (also giving my hubs a mild heart attack as he was standing nearby) we were finally able to have dinner and get extra child sent home and get the kids to bed.

I found myself doing dishes at 1030pm because I'm so sick of looking at dirty dishes in the morning AND I'm out of paper plates AND my other dishes are packed, so I finally sat down for the evening at 1100.
I've also become addicted to Farm Town in Facebook...I like growing my crops and tending the fields of my friends. Had to wait to harvest my crops so they wouldn't die then I headed to bed. Only to be asleep for an hour to hear the afore mentioned mouse making a racket in the pans and causing my little rat terrier a great deal of stress. She wanted to get herself a mouse. So I lay awake fearful that she would somehow get the mouse and bring her to bed with us. UGH. I'm afraid to even look bc Matt put a sticky trap in there, and I don't want to find it.

I swear I could guest appear with Bill Engvall, Larry the Cable Guy, and those other fellows that tell all the Redneck jokes. I would be rich.

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

Not much to say

Very little has changed here since yesterday. I will be taking Lillian to the doctor tomorrow. Her feedings went even worse today than yesterday, sighs.

Monday, May 4, 2009

This is Me

Did I say I wasn't uber concerned about Lillian's puking? Well, I don't know who that person was typing....but I totally am. I am totally consumed with her well being and I bounce between let it go and let God and welling in to tears. You know how you worry when your kids are sick? My baby is sick EVERY SINGLE DAY. It is incomprehensible the feeling to see her little body slowly wasting away. To see her ribs and feel her hips protruding through her skin. It is insanely overwhelming to clean up volcanic vomit at every feeding. It is mind numbing to be wary of taking her out ANYWHERE.

I'm starting to have trouble sleeping. Being extremely tired, but not sleeping. Only to then fall asleep and dream about the surgery which really turns out to be a nightmare.

I loathe her pants hanging off her tiny bottom.

I'm tense

I'm running low on tolerance

I'm wishing I could bear the burden for her

Why oh why did He pick her and think I was strong enough???

This is just Me. No super human strength, no different than my neighbor, friends, or family. I'm not stronger or more loving or more anything.

Sunday, May 3, 2009

SpiderCidal

Addendum: My original post title was Myocardial Infarction, but I was scaring too many of my peeps! Sorry!! Read on....
For those of you who may not know that specific medical term, in layman's terms it's heart attack, which is what I had a mild one of this morning. If you'll recall my previous post, here, you'll remember my irrational fear of spiders. Imagine my horror when at two AM I was just beginning to fall into that pleasant pre-sleep when I felt just the brush of something on my forehead. I opened my eyes to see a spider floating right in front of eyes. Now, really, I can't tell you how I got out of bed-- but I was up and smacking at the bed like a crazy woman. I was in a full on panic trying to swat and kill said spider. ----backtrack two nights ago when I told Matt I was afraid some dust was going to float down from our 10 foot textured ceilings and land in my mouth----in the process of my spider-cidal rage I think I managed to hit Matt and he woke up in a panic----him"what??? what??? what's wrong??" Me- "spider" swat! Swat! SWAT! Him raising up---"where???" At this point I'm unable to point out or find the demon spider and am sure Matt's unhappiness at being awakened by my hysterics is going to rein down on me. Just then I'm thinking---uh oh- dust....when the devil spider started to make a break for it down the bed. I slammed that thing with my bed remote like I was trying to win the strength game at the fair-- you know the one where you take a mallet and hit the thing that goes up like a thermometer???

Ok, so then I'm totally awake, heart pounding have to settle back down to even get myself back to happy pre-sleep mode.

Stupid spiders.

Saturday, May 2, 2009

All Stuffed Up and Random thoughts

Let's see, I think on Thursday I started kinda feeling like I was getting a sinus infection. By Friday, I'm in full blown misery. Today I'm feeling some better. Not quite so head heavy. This is what happens to me when I don't get enough sleep. Sickness creeps in. Thankfully, it is not hanging on as it sometimes does.

Really don't have much to report from the Halcomb household. I missed school this week bc of being too paranoid to take Lillian in and then was just too miserable on Friday.

I love Fridays, have I ever mentioned that? No homework, usually. I get to sleep in bc Matt is home and I have him here to help me through the weekend. This of course comes to an end soon as he is going back to work on Fridays in a week or so. That is really a good thing as he will be back to working 40 hours.

I keep thinking how I didn't know how'd we get by with him missing so much work at Christmas and then being cut down to 32 hours and then missing so much work with Lillian in the hospital. We still keep getting through it...thank you Lord.

Only 17 days until Lillian has her palate surgery....fingers crossed. Time is moving right along.


I was actually able to bathe myself recently without any incidents. It has been suggested that I might want to remove Nair from my shower if I have it. I'm taking that advice to heart.

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Insanity Compounds Part 2

Seriously, I did not do this on purpose. In taking my shower today at 330pm, yes, you got the time right, when my dear children got home, I washed my hair...woo hoo, got that right and then proceeded to put my Mary Kay facial cleanser in my hand to wash my face and I'll be darned if I didn't wipe it right into my hair. WHAT THE HECK?? I've never done this kind of stuff before.



Must be all this. argh....

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

How to tell you've finally lost your mind

I'm in the tub, take a nice long bath, wash my body, shave my legs( sorry JDM had to go there) soak a few...as I'm washing my body with my little spongy thingy, (that's a technical term) I think, gosh, this is like deja'vu. I feel like I've already done this, but I think, NO, couldn't have bc I had to get out a new bar of soap and it hasn't been used. Anyway, I get out, wrap up my head in a towel, dry off, get dressed, lube up my legs....decide it's time to dry the hair. Take my hair down and it feels very strange, not clean at all. I go around the house having the fam sniff my head. If you haven't guessed it yet, I poured my shampoo into my sponge and washed my body with hair soap...thus the deja vu. So I had to wash my hair in the kitchen sink. There you have it, I'm drawing closer to that room....that tells you how my brain is functioning lately...take a bath and FORGET to wash my hair....good grief.


On another note, I'd just like to say I really love my husband, he's a good provider, good father, however, I feel so emotionally unattached to him sometimes. Tonight in my need to share my feelings with him, I say just a few things that are on my mind and he shakes his head almost in disbelief or like I'm annoying him or something. Men, they wonder why we don't talk to them about stuff....ugh.

Here's a pic of how I'm wearing my hair since I've adjusted to the new cut.

Monday, April 27, 2009

Let's talk about sheets...shall we?

I usually come here to pour my heart out, but to spare any reading audience, I will defer for the night. I'm just to overwhelmed to go into all the things I already write about, so let me talk about something random....

How do you feel about bed sheets? I used to have the worst time with sheets. They would ball up on me after being washed only a couple times. I was mentioning this at work one time (when I used to work outside my home) and a coworker suggested only using 100 percent cotton sheets, the higher the thread count the better. So, I ventured out and bought some with the highest thread count I was willing to pay for. That seemed to do the trick. I might like to mention that these type of sheets are not cheap. I usually buy and I find on clearance regardless of color. We also have a king size bed, so also more expensive. The hitch I find myself in now, I'm too poor to buy them...lol. Not on the top of the priority list if you know what I'm talking about. So I'm looking for suggestions? Has anyone else battled the beady sheets and do you use something other than pure cotton that doesn't ball up? Inquiring minds want to know.

I know you're asking yourself..is this it? Has she finally cracked?

I don't think so...but why not talk about something trivial that doesn't weigh so heavily on my mind. Maybe someone is chuckling right now and NOT questioning how soon I will check into the rubber room. It's all good. AND, perhaps I WILL find an answer to my sheet dilemma....

Friday, April 24, 2009

Life goes on

I just finished reading the new Beverly Lewis book and am only slightly annoyed that I have to wait til summer to read the next one in the series. I felt the theme through most of the book was that life goes on. No matter what has/will/or is going to happen, life still marches on. The sun still rises and sets. Though I try not to look into the future, my mind often wanders there.

I've been told recently and quite surprisingly that I inspired someone. Shocking to me as I feel I tread so lightly. Like you know in swim class when you have to tread water, I'm the one barely holding my head above the water. I wonder what it is about how I live that would inspire someone. It's interesting as you go through life how there are people in your life but for a time and life changes and different people enter your life and so on and so on. Then there are the people who are always there maybe in different capacities but nonetheless are still there. I have a friend, someone I've known for years and we still keep in touch, a childhood friend. Her first child was born stillborn when I was pregnant with Lillian. She later came to find out that her daughter died as a result of a chromosome abnormality. Ironic? She now has two healthy boys and is moving along with her life. She and her hubs even visited Lillian in the hospital when she was born despite all that had transpired. Now that is what I call inspiring, yet she says I inspire her. Unfathomable to me.

I have friends from my church, a couple who have come to mean a great deal to me, their children are grown and they thought they were on the way to living life in retirement to the fullest, when she was stricken with ALS. She has rapidly declined in health but is so amazing. Her attitude is unbelievable. She cannot speak, and can hardly walk now, but her outlook is so positive even though she knows what is inevitable. They display strength that I cannot comprehend. Inspiring. I can barely visit with her without crying.

I have a friend who works full time plus a whole lot more. She has a husband and a daughter, she is very involved in our church, she is constantly doing something for someone else and ALWAYS manages to be there for me when I need her and many others as well. She has an amazing, positive outlook and is always looking at the glass half full, (i'll never understand what she sees in me...lol) Inspiring.

Maybe its the faith that these friends display that merit my admiration, I'm not sure. But I know they are living each day because God has given it and life DOES go on. Maybe that's why I feel my faith is so weak because I fear so much of what the future may hold. Maybe I just need to embrace it..."Don't worry about tomorrow, God is already there." Keep being inspired by these wonderful examples I have in my life and not wonder how my life could inspire someone elses. I DON'T know what the future holds but one thing is sure, life will still move on, it's how I choose to handle it is all that will matter.

Thursday, April 23, 2009

Back in the Saddle

I think the VOR (voice of reason) is slowly returning to my brain. NutJim slid in there for a bit and took over. Maybe that is how I cope with good old Riley, if you can call it coping. I don't think there is any feeling much better than returning home. Being with your family, in your own bed, a bathtub to soak in. All the craziness that 4 extra chattering girls bring to the picture. OH-and might I say fixing a meal you've been craving...potato soup. Made it last night and it was DE.LIC.IOUS. I really enjoy cooking and its probably a little prideful to say, but my cooking in particular. It's just one of those creature comforts. I love that I can take simple ingredients and produce something so satisfying. The best, I have leftovers for lunch for probably the rest of the week! AND-this is going to sound insane too, but Walmart, I actually felt a twinge of, well, I don't know what you'd call it, but going in the Vortex was not a dreaded event. I think it's just familiarity. I remember, as a child, when we would go for a visit somewhere that took a long drive (which was most everywhere since we lived in the boonies) that when we drove back into the small town that was where I went to school, I felt so peaceful and was finally able to relax in the car. Funny how some things about you never change. I remember being relieved that we were back "home". Just a feeling of peace would encompass me. Comfort perhaps of being in a familiar place. Does any of that make sense? That's what it feels like to be home. That same peace flows over me. Now, don't get too crazy on me, that peace swiftly passes as the hustle and bustle of my brood kicks in, but even for a moment it is blissful!

Now let's talk about something that is driving me NUTS- dreams. I am having the CUH-RAZIEST dreams. I should call them nightmares because they so disturbing but not necessarily scary. Last night, aside from the nonsense of what all I was dreaming, I dreamed I was attacked by a man. Someone I thought I could fight off, but was not able to. ICK. I thought I was vividly dreaming because of being at the hospital, but now, notsomuch. I feel so un-rested when I dream like that and when they are so nutty, I hate remembering them. Blech.

I'd also like to say I know I complain about Hotel Riley quite a bit. I would like to mention some things that are just beyond touching that happen there. While some nurses seem completely out of touch, this was not the case on this visit....after being there so many times on the same unit, you start to develop relationships with these people. It is the ONLY sad part of leaving the hospital. Several nurses were extraordiarily kind to me. One of them, I'll call her Ausie...she made me a cake...yes, cake. I don't know if she knows how much I appreciated it. I LOVE chocolate cake. LOVE IT! Another nurse brought me in a Mountain Dew, chocolate, AND some ibuprofen to help me with my headache. Several nurses included me in their dining out and allowed me to order food with them. Then there was another nurse who harassed me to no end and I gave it back to her, which helped to lighten the atmosphere. Ausie and Mapril, I'll call her, both came and listened or just gave me support when I was in one of my crying/want to smack a stupid person mode. These things, I believe, go far above the call of duty and I don't know if they know how much it means. I, of course, said thank you, but that doesn't seem justice for something I feel is so deeply appreciated.

This post is turning into a book so I'll stop.

Do you have crazy dreams?

What do you think goes beyond the call of duty?

Does returning home after being away give you the warm fuzzies?

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

FF

Years ago I had a friend and when we watched movies together and we wanted to get through the previews we always said FF instead of fast forward. I've found in the new world of modern technology and DVD you can't always FF. I am forced to watch the previews, the ads or commercials, things I'd just as soon skip. I WANT to see that movie...the happy ending. That is where I'm living...in the previews. All the medical fragility, the things that have to happen to improve her quality of life. I want to be able to push FF and see what life will be like in another year. I want to be able to see past all this sickness and not have yet another preview to go through. My Maker doesn't allow FF...as much as I think I need it.

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

I've come to unwind...

Today has been a very crappy day. I'm exhausted and hurting and worried. Lillian had to have some oxygen today and we know we are to be here for at least seven days. I'm tired. I'm tired I'm tired. She did have a few visitors today, although it was in the midst of the turmoil going on in the room and my bfff Jennifer brought me a care package...bless her heart. I should never ever complain, but I'm so tired of this. I get sick of people asking what she's exposed to and is anyone in the house sick....what does it freaking matter? She's sick now and it's noone's fault. She's just sick. I'm tired of asking professionals to be quiet bc she's sleeping only for them to stand over her bed and yack yack yack away. I'm tired of all the "students" and ten zillion doctors that ALL have to listen and ask the same stupid questions. Hello have a conference talk amongst yourselves.....READ A FRICKIN CHART. I miss my bath tub...and yes, that lovely spring in my bed. I'm tired of saying how the night went and yes she pukes bc she's coughing up her lungs. I'm tired of her being unwell.....and not being able to play and being racked by rib cracking hacking. I want to sit in a quiet place and cry and not be asked what's wrong or if there is anything they can do---the answer is NO. Gotta go--library closing.

Friday, April 10, 2009

Whacked!


Well, I did it....chop, chop, chop. I will grant you I understood going into the haircut that it was going to be shoulder length and layered, but I told the girl I didn't really care, I was ready for a change. I closed my eyes and let her go about the plan I "thought" we were going with. She had to go help another customer and I opened my eyes and thought I might to change my pants....so what do you think??? Today, I flipped the back out so it sticks out some....I also have the top a little more lifted today---so there you have it, it's gone, but it will grow back!

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

New Blog

In hopes of sharing Lillian's story and reaching out to other Momma's out there, I've moved her website to Blogger. Check her story out there...
www.lillian-takeawalkwithme.blogspot.com

Couple questions, how do you post a youtube video to blogger?
How do you make your own links on the side of your blog? Email me, I'm so not computer savvy, I need all the help I can get! mdh5girlz@sbcglobal.net


BTW- thanks for all your comments yesterday! It made me laugh and gave me comfort!

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

Weepy

I know, the shock you must be reeling from right now...


Seriously, Lord have mercy I feel like I'm on a roller coaster that does not stop. Things here are really pretty good, except my sleep factor. Hubs hours have been changed so my ability to draw in those extra Z's have been deleted. I'm having to sit here at the computer to keep my peepers open. (side note, when I sat on the couch yesterday I fell asleep and you wouldn't believe what Lil did to the LR) I think it might be the fact that I was catching up with a seldom seen friend and I was sharing with her how things were around here. Of course, this leads into the inevitable telling of all the hospitalizations and stuff that just goes on in this house. So now of course I feel like crying, not for any particular reason, just crying. Reading folks blogs happy and sad make me want to cry for different reasons, then I start getting OCD about my blog, like why don't people follow mine or comment or how does a person get 600 some comments??? I'm INSANE i tell you. Nutjim, my new nickname, is so appropriate. It's very close to nut-job...I'm thinking of changing my name on here to that. So don't be surprised if I leave so crazy comment on your blog signed Nutjim. This blog and Lillian's blog have kind of become my outlet. I love to do crafty stuff but I just can't with this little critter running around here. Let me tell you , it's just not easy. I always feel better when I'm making cards or scrapping or just doing something for someone else (maybe I should use that mentallity for housework.......nah). Ok, I'm just stopping the madness right now, I'm sitting here thinking I need a straight jacket after writing all this....(no wonder I only have 15 followers, lol) So here's some random randomness....


Did you ever notice one thing that NEVER changes about someone is their eyes?



Do you delay shaving your legs bc you believe the hair insulates your legs better even though you love how it feels after even though it only lasts one day?


Have you recently caught yourself using words that have two different meanings in the wrong format?


I just peaked out my window and saw a bird fly off with a piece of plastic that was bigger than itself. Curious.



Do you wonder how your life got so complicated?


Possibly a little known fact about me....I'm a fairly simple person. I like to cook and quilt and have ideals more like an 80 year old woman? My kids are not crazy involved in things and most of the time, I don't mind staying home and although we struggle, I don't mind driving used cars and I don't feel the need to "keep up with the Joneses" I don't mind that I'm moving into a smaller, hundred year old home.


So what is your random randomness? Any answers to my questions? Do you think I belong in a room with rubber walls? Let me have it....all of it.


And just bc, I'm posting a picture of a quilt that I made for a friend's baby. I keep saying I like to quilt but have no proof, so I want to prove that I actually can...LOL (note, I did not state I was a good quilter, I would definitely NOT win any ribbons)

betcha didn't know quilts had feet!

Sunday, April 5, 2009

Stuff

Ok, I'm posting this 'specially for Vickie bc she is always sharing her wonderful pages....(so much more creative than me) Oh-and I'm posting the pics of all my basketmaking. It's difficult to see some of the details on the scrapbook pages bc, let's face it, I stink at taking pictures of books...these are just some of my very favorite pages.
This was really the first time I experimented with so many different papers. The hair barrett in her hair is attached to the top of the page. I have a bible verse printed from my computer on one page covered with vellum attached with brads... and same process for the word precious on the opposing page. This was her first set of "professional" pictures taken right on my dining room table.





I actually wrote that L on vellum on the right and there are little rhinestones on the top of the safety pin and on the poem I wrote about her on the page.








What did your Sunday hold?

Today I worked on another basket and wanted to get a pic posted, but after some unexpected company and playing outside, I haven't finished yet, but let me show you what the rest of the fam did through the day...
Climbing Trees, yes that is TWO count em TWO of my children in the tree
Working on a tan and taking it easy...
Mowing the grass, earning her keep!


Playing with the "new" to us lawnmower



And last, swinging like a monkey in the tire swing...ahh what a day, we couldn't keep her in the house after the whole lawnmower bit!

So, how was your Sunday? Any crafting or did you climb any trees? Maybe one day I should climb that tree when I need to get away, ya think? They'd never guess....*evil laughs*
Oh, btw, if you're wondering why Rebecca doesn't appear in these pics it's bc she was at the neighbors house helping find a toy in their car....

Saturday, April 4, 2009

Weekend Crafting

Start with this.... First color
2nd color

Time for fabricLittle bit of covered heavy cardboard in the bottom with matching fabric..you need some stability
Time for a break...before making handles
hey, don't judge me...No, I'm not being naughty, see that bump on the side of my finger, hot glue gun means what it says...yep, it's hot...

All doneSo you may think this looks tacky or country but I think it's cute. One of my friends showed me how to make this "basket" about 13 years ago and I made a lot back then, so I thought I'd take a shot and see if I could still hammer one out, if you will....tell me what you think...I'm considering a "blogaway" with one of these little babies filled with goodies....Pretty inexpensive and doesn't take too much time...(ecspecially when kids find it "fun" to unwind paper ribbon)

Thursday, April 2, 2009

How Can I Fear?

How can I fear?






Jesus is near,




He ever watches over me




worries all cease




He gives me peace




How can I fear with Jesus.

Up and Down

Seriously I'm not manic, just ask anyone....(ok I'm giggling bc that is sort of a funny statement)

I've had a pretty good day. I got to go to school and make copies, go out for lunch, (addiction fed, literally) come home take a nap, wake up go to the Vortex(pretty painless). As I sat by Lillian's bed trying to coax her into believing that it really was bed time, I got to thinking(that's where the trouble began) I started picking myself apart. Wishing I was more. Does that make sense? I grew up in a very angry home....my mother was very strict and to be feared. Took me well in to adulthood to not be fearful...dumb I know. She never beat me or anything, just very short and angry. I'm sure we deserved some of it, but a lot of it was plain old overkill. My parents fought A LOT and we were poor. All of this, I guess, molded me into who I am. Why can't I be more patient, more calm, not so fretful. I constantly worry about whether I'm a good enough parent and if my girls will grow up to make good decisions and keep the faith I'm instilling in them. I'm afraid. Can I handle the future that looms ahead? So before I know it, I'm in tears and still tearful. Thus, the up and down.

Sunday, March 29, 2009

Spiders and Other such things

Let me just preface this post by saying I'm totally, ridiculously afraid of spiders. Big or small. Any color, any creed, any species. I become paralyzed.

Now you can truly enjoy this. As I lay resting on the couch this afternoon, (having two extra kids all weekend) I thought my necklace was moving around my chest. I looked down in time to see a spider scurrying into my bosom. I screamed and smacked myself like a crazy woman and no spider fell out of my shirt. Being the busty woman I am, you can imagine where I found said spider. That's all I'm sayin. Dead of course, suffocated if not beaten to death. All in the house got a HUGE laugh at my expense. So not a delightful end to my weekend.

Friday we had company for brunch. I made an omelet roll, homemade cinnamon rolls (yes, the guests asked for a reprise) hash browns and my friend brought fruit salad. I set the table with nice dishes and put the juice and milk out in pitchers...it was lovely. I love to entertain, and I have a crazy obsession with dishes. I just don't get to do this often due to the complexities of my life...but I got the chance Friday and it was fun. Friday evening was a fun-filled girls night with four girlfriends, tacos and Mamma Mia. It was a little corny, but did give a giggle every now and then. Stayed out way too late. Saturday was lazy day. Hanging around in the house with Lil' while Matt, the girls, and every kid in the neighborhood hung out in the backyard. I go out there to find that my husband has made wooden "guns" for EVERYONE in the yard...that---are you ready for it----that shoot rubber bands. The Mom in me immediately starts panicing in my mind about someone getting shot in the eye and what a really bad idea this is even though everyone is having a crazy good time. About this time what do you think comes 15ft across the yard and flings me right in the middle of the face???? Um, yeah, I was none to happy about it. But do I kill the fun? Nope, just come back in and leave him to deal with whatever may happen, check your papers for the next lawsuit with our names in it...

Sunday I had every intention of going to church but I just could not get out of bed. I'm not sleeping very good these last couple days. Lillian is coughing a lot through the night and I'm having the craziest dreams. Rebecca had a choir performance today which was beautiful as always. Then I finally get rid of one extra kid and my oldest daughter and my niece fill my bedroom with candles and give me a foot/hand massage. The funniest thing about it was they tried to talk in accents, which was just hilarious.

Matt works early day shift this week which is likely to kill me, but I'll manage and at least he'll be with me to help at nights.

So how was your weekend? Any spiders down your shirts??