Lots of stuff...just lots

The rollercoaster is doing it's best taking me up and down this journey of life and parenthood. Let's see, Lillian had her sleep study, (which is awesome, read the update here)...I spoke at the Women's Retreat and it was nerve wracking, but I actually managed to do it without having a total breakdown. ( I think perhaps there was a hole in the floor from where I was digging my heel into it trying to keep my composure) Upon arriving home from said retreat, Rebecca, child number two has managed to split her head open right on top which almost earned her some staples...dig a hole in her foot that looked like total hamburger AND wind up with a case of acute bronchitis and upper respiratory infection all within a short week's time. Isabelle is pretty sick right now too and upon telling three different teachers at school she didn't feel well, they apparently earned their medical degrees at the same time as teaching ones, bc not one of them sent her to see the nurse, who probably would have detected the 101 degree fever she had upon arriving home. Too late of course to be taken to the doctor. This does not make a mother happy. The didn't think she "felt" feverish even though her head was hot and cheeks were cold. One teacher even told her it was just the change in the weather. Hmmm.

Our roof is still leaking and the landlord has not paid the electrician for the work he did (which is in our name) Trying to not stress about that. Seriously, there is enough right now.

Cannot seem to get into the "new" doctor the children were supposed to see and spent one whole day on the phone with different docs/agencies trying to iron that out. Ironically, they have been placed back with our original doctor. UGH.

I've buried two pets in the last month, which was not pleasant AT ALL.

I managed to read a book called The Shack. I highly recommend it, I also just recently watched the movie, The Secret Lives of Bees and I really want to read the book. Anyone read it?

Blessings do abound amidst all these little obstacles, that in the great scheme of life are not all that bad, including being greatly blessed at the women's retreat, getting to spend some quality time with some of my best friends in the whole wide world. Being humbled by gifts that we so do not deserve but SOOOOO appreciate.

Sometimes, it just seems like there are more valleys than hilltops, you know? Currently, it is crazy windy here and I have the windows open. I might pay for that later, but oh I enjoy this time of year. My fave.

I bought some early christmas presents for my girls from my IRL friend over at Finding Normal and I have misplaced them, so I'm going ot have to do some major searching to unearth those suckers. Yes, you knwo those beautiful necklaces...watch out Deb, I may be placing another order...

Stuff, lots and lots of stuff.

It's a love/hate relationship

I guess I should be posting this on Lillian's blog, but it's a little too much me to post at the moment. I feel raw. I thought I was ok today, but one vomit fest and I'm back to ground zero. I have so much to be thankful for, grateful is even a better word. Let me explain. We had a follow up visit to the Pulmo team Monday. Needless to say, it was not great. They do not seem optimistic that she will be decannulated this year. Devastating blow. I cannot even explain it. I cannot fathom my poor baby suffering through another miserable winter. I thought I came to grips with it....um, until I changed her shirt this morning and must have wiggled that little piece of plastic too much which started a vomit fest. I was so angry. I still am, I'm just trying to hold back the tears because one of our therapists is on her way and I don't want to be a mess when she arrives, although it's probably hopeless, because I'm a crier. STUPID secretions that are there because her trach is there....stupid little piece of plastic that makes our life so difficult, hers ecspecially. Stupid piece of plastic, but gives her breath and life. I'm so beyond my threshold right now. SO beyond it.

I can almost move again

Without pain that is. Yes, the kickball game kicked my butt. I think it would have been a lot harder on me had I not be push mowing the grounds since we moved here. It was so much fun, though, would do it all again! In the previous post, I failed to notate that I whomped (whomped, is that a word?? oh well) my sister in skip bo 4 out of 5 games. She is losing her edge or I'm getting mine. She used to be unbeatable. She commented to me that I didn't mention it, so here you go...*chants* I won you lost I won you lost! (does that make you feel better, seestore?)

Yesterday I had to take Isabelle to the doctor, a new doctor, by the way at the Community Health Center. What a nightmare I was in a horrible mood the rest of the day. I was unable to procure a person to go with me to stay in the car with Lillian so that was the number 1 first issue. So I thought I'd sit in the car with the kids until they needed us....#2 issue presents itself...I had to park over a block away from the building. #3 issue, walking into the packed waiting room and being ignored by the desk people. (on a good note, they did allow us to sit in a private office PTL) #4 issue, arrived for 1130 appt time at 1110 (as it took me 10-15 minutes to even find a parking place) #5, did not get taken back to see the doctor until almost 1:00. UNBELIEVABLE. Best yet, she believes it is just something viral. This was a new physician to us who spent less than 10 minutes on an exam and left. Not even the one we were supposed to be seeing, apparently that doctor quit the facility. My kids have been seeing the same doctor since Rebecca was born, 11 years. To make a long story short, bc of insurance reasons, they have to switch to this CHC. Perhaps I failed to mention that I left three messages at this clinic in August trying to get Rebecca scheduled for a sports physical and NOONE called back, and they DO NOT answer phones. I was biting back tears as we sat there waiting, what can I say, this form of change I just did not embrace well. The one and only thing that held off the tears....there was a large picture hanging in the room that had a Bible verse beneath it. I took that as a sign. I just could not believe a County Health Center allowed it to be there. Thank you Lord, for bringing me comfort in my difficult situation yet again. I wish the day had gone better and I wish they could have given us something to make Isabelle feel better, but that's not how it went.

Today, we go to the dentist for a filling and a sealant. Good, good times. Probably should stop this post and go prepare for that trip.

My friend, Marcia took some fantastic pictures of the picnic, cannot wait to post them.

Holiday Weekend Inanit-I mean fun!

No really, we had a wonderful weekend. Although rain threatened to move us inside and the hubs had to work on Saturday it was a great weekend. Saturday we had the treat of several unexpected but very welcome visitors. Helped the day pass since my love was gone. Sunday, dinner with my mother and C. We played a card game called Five Crowns and in game two I was mercilously defeated. I need a rematch. Monday, well, that was our annual Labor Day picnic. After my parents split, it seemed liked getting together on holidays no longer existed. I decided that my girls shouldn't not have memories of picnics just because our family was no longer in tact, thus I resurrected my own holiday picnic. Over three years, it has evolved into yesterdays group of 32 people, all the good cookout foods, games and waterballoon fun. May I just say, that I'm having a hard time getting around today due to the wild game of kickball, that fat-outof shape- hostess should not have played...lol. I had a blast and I think everyone enjoyed it. Course, there was probably a great deal of laughing at seeing me kick the ball and run like a maniac trying to catch the ball. I was quite certain I would require CPR before I made it to third base. The best, when my friend S, kicked the ball wayyyyyyy out past me and me busting a move trying to catch it....and her thirteen year old son whizzing past me to get it...hmph. Are you laughing? I also got the short end of the stick with the water balloon toss. Hee hee. The kids had the best time. It was just how I wanted it to be. The rain held off except for just a little bit of sprinkling after the game, but hey we were all sweaty by then, so it felt pretty good! The evening ended with my sister and her family coming over and having supper, playing skip bo and watching Monday night RAW. (yes, we are a wild bunch) My nephew went upstairs and snuck through the attic and scared his cousins half to death, it was awesome...can you guess who put him up to it? Yes, his Uncle. To preface the festivities we started the morning out with a plumbing leak in the basement and a leaky roof, but none of that stopped us from having a great day. How was your holiday?

I'm one of those people

Yes, I said it. I think I'm one of those people. I'm a firm believer in not saying what is in your brain at the moment it is there all the time. Sometimes we speak and it offends someone or comes out the wrong way. Then when its out its out...no turning back. While I try very hard to do this, I think maybe I'm a miserable failure. I mean, seriously, you don't have to give your piece of mind about everything. Sometimes I speak with such certainty and really I'm just as clueless as can be. Why do I even speak?
Examples, I'm not a fan of the typical response to the question, do you want a boy or girl and everyone says --oh I just want a healthy baby. HELLO- of course you want a healthy baby....think about it, do you love your child less if he/she isn't? I don't think it is necessarily wrong to want one sex or the other. Of course, I say this because I was once that person who said I just want a healthy baby.
2. Once in a Riley waiting area, I met these lovely people who had a little girl baby they were just so proud of. The father mentioned that she was so loud sometimes he wished he could turn her down, (and he was totally trying to be funny)which in turn led me to say, "you'd miss it if it wasn't there" Now, why did I feel compelled to say such a thing. I didn't mean anything bad by it, but was it necessary just because my view is different?
3. People who have no children and are perhaps exposed to children regularly think they know better how to parent than you do. Hmmm, just let that one sink in. (i used to be that person, probably)

I'm one of those people, past, present, and future. I hope as I pop around commenting on peoples' blogs I'm not at all offensive. Most of the time I just say- the first thing that pops into my head. UGH-