Having one of those weeks?

I am. I have been very raw the last week. Short on patience and very tearful. Can't really put my finger on anything in particular, just low. I'm not hormonal, not pregnant and all I can think of is the devil. Really, I'm just so blah. I feel guilty for how unsettled I feel and my reactions are not really all that good by night time.

There has been a lot of animal death here on the farm which does not help the mood. I had an out loud chat with God and Satan today.

I am again reminded of how weak a person I really am and how God is the only reason I keep on keeping on.

I am certain Lillian's condition roller coaster is the driving force, but it is not at the forefront of my mind most of the time. I pray and pep talk myself each night. I'm just funk-i-fied I guess. A funk, for sure.

Going to spend the afternoon at a friends house on the lake, the girls will swim and Lil' and I will watch. fun in the sun and then it is off to VBS.

PS- Is it July already?? How is that possible?

Squire Boon Caverns June 2010

Waterfall that you actually walk over....

In front fo the rim dam

Rim Dam

Because our local community offers a summer reading program, our girls were able to earn free coupons for the caverns, which I thought was totally cool. All of them managed to earn them relatively quickly so I planned a little excursion after Lillian's not so great doctor appointment. We had a very fun day and the girls really enjoyed the cavern tour. Some place I'm sure we will travel to again. I had been to this place when I was fifteen and have always wanted to go again. Matt was able to take the day off and we had a nice family day. Helped to keep my mind of the days' earlier news for sure. The cavern was more than 90 ft below ground and has one of two of the US's cave rim dams with a huge water fall. I may be screwing up the real history, but it was something like that. It is also the world's 2nd largest living cavern. Our tour guide was great and full of information. There is a little village to look around with a candle making shop, working grist mill, and soap making shop. Although the heat was unbelieveable outside we still had a great time. I was surprised at how much the kids really enjoyed it.

Memorial Day Memories

Grandma going down the drive with Lillian, Rebecca and Isabelle

Matt retaliating against Lois (our niece) for the second picture from this one...

All the grub

Lois and Matt, it's a love/hate relationship...not really.

Another sweet pic...

We had a nice day, good weather and good food. We had invited some extended relatives, but noone showed. Had a great day anyway. A new tradition in the making?

Another day.

School is out huraah huraahh! We are having a great summer so far. Trying to get a pool filled and making plans for play dates and all such good things. BUT- today is a hard day. Today, I once again had to leave the kids with Grandpa so we can prepare for our overnight stay at the hospital, again. I realize how fortunate we are, I really do. These particular days, however, are so hard emotionally on my "normal" children. They are scared and worried and want to be home. I know it is difficult for them to process. The littler ones anyway. I know this. I don't know, though, why it hurts me so much. It seems like I should be accustomed to it by now. But still my heart aches as they call me crying wanting to come home and just go to a babysitter. It makes me doubtful and it basically just breaks my heart. I wish it would get easier.

Wonder how many times that thought crossed Jesus' mind? I wonder.

Tomorrow will hopefully be the final chapter of the tracheostomy, but if it's not, then oh well, on we trod.

There will be more days like these ahead, this I know.