Thursday, September 15, 2011

The Sausage Arm Parable

Once upon a time there was a woman who thought she might go to goodwill and find some new, used clothes for herself.  She just happened to have a ten dollar reward card that entitled her to ten dollars worth of free merchandise.  Now, said woman, also happened to be a plus size woman and in recent days, thought her arms looked sort of like link sausages.  You know, from the shoulder to elbow, reminded her of sausage links.  It sounds odd, but that is what she thought when she looked in the mirror.  So, this lovely woman, ahem, went to the Goodwill, in spare window of time and started scanning the aisles.  Well, wouldn't you know, with free money in her pocket...she is struggling to find ANYTHING at all.  She did pass up a shirt with cutesy short sleeves, thinking in her head," that probably wouldn't fit my arms" so she didn't even try it on.  She became discouraged as she came to the end of the plus size clothes rack, frustrated that of course she wouldn't find someting since she had money available.  Her next thoughts took her to all the other "departments" of the store, with still no would be purchases.  She decides to check out the clothing rack one more time to see if something new has been added or if she might have overlooked a diamond in the rough so to speak.  She comes across this flannel print cutesy shrit, again, thinking, "that's my size, maybe the arms will fit after all".  Not having time to go to the dressing room and desperately wanting to fulfill her retail therapy, she thinks, "perhaps I'll just slip it on over my shirt, it's button up after all, that will give me some idea if it will work".  She places her arm in the first hole to find the sleeve is a wee bit snug. But, hey, a little tug, she can handle a little snug-ness, right?  She slips her other arm in and pulls the shirt about her and finds, it really probably won't work.  The arms would be snug, but doable, but the buttons probably won't accommodate ample boosom.  She sighs.  Oh well, she guesses retail therapy is shot for the day and she needs to get moving out of this store.  She shrugs "cutesy" shirt down her arms to find...uh's stuck on her arms.  She realizes, in sudden panick, the shirt is just not coming off.  A five minute wrestling match ensues, in which the shirt is winning.  The woman, in dismay, wonders if she is going to have to grab a stranger to tug this shirt off.  She is wondering if someone somewhere is watching this on a video camera, laughing hysterically.  She takes a moment to calm herself and wills herself to get this shirt off!  After another wrestling match, she is able to dislodge the shirt from her arms and get out of dodge.  Some days later, she finds herself pretty tickled at the sight it must have caused for anyone who might have been watching me  eer.....I mean her.  The End.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

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