Saturday, August 8, 2009

A little bit of this a little bit of that

As I sat down here to prepare to type, I stopped and did some quick catching up on my really helped me to feel a little more peaceful being blessed by others.

Do you ever have those days where you just truly believe you are the most inept parent in the universe? I had to discipline Rebecca today with a spanking. Yes, I believe in spanking, though it is not something I like to do and choose as a very last resort....I do have to do it from time to time. I did not punish in anger, but it is true that it hurt me more than it hurt her. I mean seriously, failure is all I feel at times. Why does the devil prey on me so? I've been very discouraged and fighting against self pity and focusing on all the positive that happens out of bad, flood, tornado....medically fragile child....but at night when I'm tired, Satan creeps in and starts working.

So, instead of worrying about how I will pay for the damages to the house, I will continue to be thankful that we were all safe and things could have been much worse. I will stop second guessing every parenting decision I make and know God has his hand on their lives and always will.

Did I mention I was asked to be a guest speaker at a women's retreat in September? I am totally humbled and would ask your prayer for peace, courage and the ability to share what God would have me share for His purpose. It's days like these that make me want to say um, sorry, I changed my mind I'm not fit to speak to anyone, but that is just what Satan would like....

I should also know in the midst of exhaustion that I'm not clear. Lillian had a very bad evening of trying to get to sleep, now she is settled and I've been able to vent a bit, so I think I will call it a night.


The VW's said...

Hope you got a good night's sleep!

Parenting is THE hardest job in the world! Children are a blessing, but they sure are difficult sometimes! There is so much to think about while parenting and it's a very emotional job, which is what makes it so difficult and tiring. I believe that it's even harder to do if you love your children the way a parent is supposed to love a child. Because then you are playing out so many roles.....the role of punishing them, the role of loving them, the role of teaching them, the role of playmate, the role of nurse, the role of chef, and on and on!

The fact that you are feeling this way proves that you are trying your hardest. It would be so easy to just say, "Who cares?! Do what you want! I'm finished with all of this!" Trust me, I've had days where I wanted to scream this and then run away from it all!

The devil is very sneaky and he tries to get at us at our weakest moments. Think about the story of Job in the Bible! Just remember that God is bigger than all of this! Keep your faith and cling to Him in your days and hours of distress!

And, keep on venting too! I'll be thinking of you and praying too! HUGS!!!

Alicia said...

Oh friend, I am sorry I am just now reading this. I got behind on my bloggy friends.

You are SO not the inept mother you paint yourself to be. I know I have not walked in your shoes, with 5 kids to raise, but I do know that we all go through those times where we feel like we are not doing right by our kids. I believe in spanking too, just how you described it though. Not in anger, only as a last resort.

Keep your chin up, keep looking to God, and know that your friends in cyberspace love you!!