Sunday, March 8, 2009

Just when you think...

Please pardon me while I babble....
I remember when we were out of gas on the really coldest day of the whole year and we didn't qualify for energy assitance and I was sitting on my friend's couch I said in tears, I just don't think I can handle anything else. I thought. Since that time, Lillian has been in the hospital three times, Madeline has been diagnosed with binocular dysfunction (and the treatment required is not covered by insurance), we've determined that we have to move again, and NOW Lillian is puking again. HMMM, God does like to tap us on the shoulder doesn't he? What are our choices exactly?? Keep on keeping on. That's all we can do.... Pause for puke clean up in baby bed....It seemingly never ends. It is mind crippling at times to wonder when there will be reprieve. I continually remind myself how fortunate I am. I have five beautiful girls, a loving husband, a roof over my head. We have survived major medical issues with Lillian, lived through a horrible flood, been given many undeserving gifts, I should never, ever complain. Please bear with me when I'm grumbling and feeling totally lost. I hope people understand why tears fall so easily from my eyes. I hope I'm not judged a nut case. (although, it takes a nut to know one in my opinion) As I lie in bed each night my mind races with all of the issues that I'm trying to figure out...where will what furniture fit in the new house, when do we tell the owners of this house we're not staying, how will we find money to pay for Madeline's treatment, and I wonder if mattresses ever rain from the sky? Does anyone else do this to themselves? I can tell you right now it has done me little good except keeping me awake at night. *breathes deeply*

So, what did my week hold? Phone calls for surgery issues, Madeline's 7th birthday party at Chuck E. Cheese, Paul Blart Mall Cop with Bethany and Rebecca on Friday, an unexpected very appreciated date night with Matt Saturday night---Gran Torino. Sunday a visit from Dad-aka-Pa. Also a nasty cold taking control of my chest. Ew.

Results? We have a date with a plastics guy in Lousiville March 20th---see Lil's page for more info! Chuck E. Cheese--a good time had by all. I mean it. Seriously, there were times when that would have not been my idea of a good time at all, but it was fun and all the girls had a great time. Paul Blart, well, the girls thought it was great, I could take it or leave it, I'd say rent it if you are just bored, but not my personal favorite. Date night? My BFFF Marcia called and offered to sit with the girls so Matt and I could go see Gran Torino. ( I'd been wanting to see it) NOOONE ever just calls up and says hey, why don't you and Matt go to the movies, it was so deeply appreciated. Anyway, it was a good movie. There is very strong language in it, and actually pretty funny throughout, but very serious. It turns out sad but in a good way. Good date movie, I think hubby and wife would enjoy equally. I cannot remember the last time Matt and I went to a movie ALONE. It was so weird, we held hands, we got dressed up for each other, I wore make-up. It was fun. Reminded me of the old days except you don't have all that weirdness bc you've been married so long!! Those times are so rare for us and we needed it. It was only two hours, but we had a nice quiet two hours! So now we begin a new week. Prayers for puke-fest to stop (which by what I'm hearing right now doesn't sound imminent), peace for my friends who are suffering, and grace to continue to keep my mind sane. ok, I'll just say it myself, as if I were EVER sane to begin with.

4 comments:

Kori said...

OH honey I'll go nuts with you. Still praying and thinking of you all.

Jessica mommy to Alex/ RTS said...

Hoping the puke will stop. You are inspiring, like it or not:)

Marissa said...

Hey, if you are judged a nut case, I'll be the first one to join you at the funny farm!! ;) All your feelings are completely normal. It is ok to feel overwhelmed and complain about it. Doing so does not mean that you are not grateful for the blessings that you do have. It just means you are only human and need a break every once in a while!!

So glad you and Matt got a date night. So cool that you dressed up for each other and held hands. How sweet!

Hope things start looking up real soon. I'll be praying for Lillian to end her puke fest SOON!

P.S. I just had to say that after I wrote all that, I went to post it and found the word verification to be... ready for it?... nutjim !!! I think that will be my new nickname for you... Nut Jim! Ha!!

Alicia

John Deere Mom said...

Grumble and complain all you want. This is your place to vent and be you. Good Lord, you have a lot to deal with...I won't pretend to even know what you must be going through each and every day with yet another issue. I will pray for you, Lillian, and the rest of the fam tonight.