Tuesday, March 3, 2009

A little too much

Maybe I shouldn't look back. Although it is a good time for reflection and how far things have come, it's also a reminder of such a difficult time. Many things cross my mind. The un-preparedness of it all. The tears every night in my lonely room. The feelings of being robbed of the most likely last infancy I'd get to experience. I think about how tiny she was even at over 8 pounds. How precarious it was to hold her bc of the pulmonary hypertension. They didn't want me to hold her bc it was so hard to get her in and out of bed and her intubation process was so hard. Sad memories.

Today is better, but I've had some retail therapy (that's what you do when you buy stuff for yourself) mind you even though it was all necessity type items, it still makes me feel really good!! I'm so tired of wearing holey socks and torn up underwear and only having ONE decent bra. I really want a pair of those long boots that go almost to your knees, but apparently I have uncommonly large calves bc I can't get them zipped all the way. Even though I'm fat, my legs are really not that big down there. Corn-fuses me. So here's a question, wondering if I should cut my hair, so I'm looking for opinions, I'm posting pics of long hair me and short hair me. Tell me what you think.

Long Hair

Short hair

What do you think?


Vickie said...

I like the short hair:) I am also thinking if I want to cut my hair or keep it growing. Decisions.

The video montage was beautiful. I loved the music.

Marissa said...

Looking back is a good thing, even when it comes with sad memories. I find it very cathartic, even when forced to deal with the pain and sadness. Thanks for putting yourself out there and allowing yourself to be vulnerable.

As far as the hair, I am partial to long hair. And you have very pretty long hair. I haven't had hair shorter than my shoulders since I was 6 yo. Then again, you make short hair look great too! And who am I to speak from my own experience? I keep my long hair pulled back because I don't like it in my face!! :)

All of this to say.... I just don't know. You look great both ways. You might feel better if you chop it, just in time for spring!

Alicia :)

Mandy said...

I liked your video!

I know about looking back too. I find myself doing it many times a day. I think I may suffer a bit from post traumatic stress but things are better most days.

I think I like your hair short. I like mine sort of medium short but with summer coming I'm hoping to grow it out so that I can just pull it up and out of the way for the HOT Indiana days.

John Deere Mom said...

Hmmm...I like your hair both ways, but the short do was very cute. Maybe a change would do you good.

Finding Normal said...

I try not to remember the sad parts of it. I live with such regret in my heart for feeling like I missed it all thru my tears and fear. I agree with Mandy on the post traumatic stress.

As for your hair, I like it long, but I think you look younger with it short. Is it naturally curly? It might look cute all shortish and sticky outish, but your hair looks so fine. I don't know! That's when I tell my hairdresser to just have fun and let me know when she's done!