Easter EGGstravaganza

Our church hosts a big event for Easter for the community. Our goal is to have 15000 easter eggs for the kids to "hunt". There will be face painting, puppet show, games, and food. Here's a pic of our little family taking the challenge to fill 50 easter eggs per family member to meet that big goal! Lillian is multitasking....filling while getting filled...lol

Crazy Monday...I mean it... seriously....for real

Lillian woke up at 540 this morning hacking her poor little head off. I think she dozed back off somewhere around 615 in bed with me. Matt got up for work and a bit later my alarm went off. I kept hitting the snooze thinking get up get up. You have toooo much to do today to lay in bed. Supper to get in the crockpot, shower, Lillian to therapy, BFF to lunch then Lillian to KY. You MUST get up!!! Isabelle comes up and says, "Mom, a lady ran out of gas in front of the mailbox and needs to use our phone. " I say ok, take it to her. Lillian and I drag out of bed and head down the stairs, Isabelle comes rushing back in," Mom, the lady out of gas needs to talk to you" I say ok. Here I am still in my bed clothes, hair sticking up left and right, um, just think about how you wake up in the morning...funky teeth, crazy hair, dressed in bed clothes, sleep in your eyes, and perhaps dried drool and your face...if you are me anyway. This poor woman, greets me at the front door. Long story short, can I help her push her car out of the road and take her to a place to get her other son to the dentist. Oh- and by the way...she's pregnant. Yep, pregnant. I'm thinking this is the last thing this lady needs is to be pushing a car. Hello. So, we arrange for her little boy to sit in my house with Lillian while we push her car off the busy road into my yard. As I'm standing in the road waiting for traffic to subside a bit, another good samaritan pulls up behind us and says, "you need help"...yes maam, thank you so much. This lady then says, "oh hang on a minute, here comes a man to help us". I'm thinking, thank you Lord for sending so many people to help us. I look toward the man and realize it's my new pastor. I say, "oh, that's my pastor". About that time, and I'm so not kidding...he is jogging across my yard, his foot catches on something and he goes tumbling forward, head first, then head over heels...I'm watching all this in slow motion, thinking Oh.MY.WORD. You know how in the movie Matrix, Neo slows way down into slow motion when he dodges the bullets...that's all I could think of. Friends, I don't know how that man escaped the gravel driveway AND the mailbox post, AND the cement culvert, but he did. UN-injured. I ran up to him and made sure he was ok, and let me tell you, he recovered quick. We get the woman's car off the road and I drive the woman where she needs to go. All the while thinking, man I hope he's really ok. After I get Lillian dropped off to therapy, I head over to the church to sign Matt up for the work day on Saturday and to check if he's really ok. He was really ok and we got a good chuckle out of the whole event. He admitted to me that God had humbled him real quick with that stumble. My day was full and busy with all that I had going on, but God opened a door for me to invite someone new to church. I think it would be so neat if they did come all as a result of a really inconvenient incident. I had her on my mind all day, thinking of days when I'd been in similar situations. What a day! Definitely not a normal Monday!

Do you think she thought I was crazy?

I was at the good old Walmart this past week with my two eldest daughters looking for tennis shoes. It was evening, but not really late. Maybe 7 or 8. We found what we needed and headed for the van. As we were loading bags, it became clear that some folks right across from us were having a very heated discussion. Heated discussion became an all out free for all cussing and screaming and hitting match. There appeared to be a young woman, young man, older woman and young child. The adults are screaming every profanity under the sun at each other and the child is in the car wailing and pleading for her grandma. I rushed my girls into the car and.. around the same time a young mother with her small toddler were loading their car right next to me. I shut my van door and before I knew what I was doing, I was helping this young lady load her car. She was a bit shocked and her toddler very quickly told me "no!" I then said, "here let me help you" All I could think was hurry and get your baby in the car before someone starts shooting...I mumbled that there was some crazy people next to us and she said she heard too. I really don't know what came over me, but I just did not want her out there with her baby while these looney bin people were out there cussin' like sailors and chasing each other around. It was crazy. I got in my car and called 911. The police rolled in and I pointed to the direction they were. What I thought was a little fender bender, turned out to be some domestic dispute. That kind of stuff makes me nervous. Thinking back on the night, though, I wonder what might have gone through the young mother's mind who was next to me when I just started hauling bags out of her cart and setting them in her van.

Making an impact

Isabelle

Rebecca

So much of the time I am questioning myself on if I'm doing a good job as a mother and if I'm making an impact on my kids. I wonder, sometimes, at their decision making. I hope I'm showing them what a godly mother is. I hope I'm showing them what a good person is. I wonder so much of the time how our life change has affected them in their lives. It's difficult to know how kids are processing things in their minds. Even when you ask them, they don't even know what your are talking about. Many times I feel unappreciated. I wonder where in the world I've gone wrong when they display behavior that shocks me. Mostly, I just try to remind myself they are kids and they are learning. They will understand it all someday when they are mothers themselves. I want them to see how wonderful and fulfilling it is to be a stay at home Mom.

Personally, I am so humbled when the girls are involved in volunteering and someone comes and tells me how wonderful they are and how they are easy to work with and just do what they are supposed to do with out being asked or shadowed all along. I think that is some kind of reflection that I am doing the job that I need to be.

Yesterday, Isabelle (11) came home, walked in and went right back out. She returned for a drink a bit later and when I asked her what she was up to, she stated " helping Jan (our elderly neighbor) clean up her yard" I was moved.

As we were eating dinner, Rebecca (13) proudly announces, "I'm in the paper" I say, you are, for honor roll? She says, "nope" I say "pictured in the paper" She says " nope". She brings me the paper...7 seventh graders had blurbs chosen for the paper about who was the most inspiring woman they knew. My daughter wrote a paragraph detailing me. I was a blubbering mess. ME? Me who most times feels like I'm the worst mother walking the planet. Who often refers to myself as the MOTY?

Then she up and volunteers to do the supper dishes....*shakes head*

I was sharing this with my sister today and she said, "you need to laminate that baby". I said "yeah and wave it in her face when she's 17 and 'hates' me for something. " lol

I am wrapped in comfort in the days events. It is awesome to see them growing and reflecting some of the things I'm hoping we are teaching them.

And if our God is with us...

I LOVED LOVED LOVED all the worship songs in the service today. Not that I dislike any songs, but today's music really spoke to me. I'm also totally blown away by having not one, but TWO dynamic pastors. They are both absolutely passionate for the Lord. Our youth Pastor gave the sermon today. It shouldn't be , but it is amazing to me to be so blessed by hearing both of these men lead in worship on Sunday mornings. Phenomenal. Really. Today we joined the church we have been visiting...and oddly enough I wasn't even nervous. We were presented to the church today for membership and were warmly welcomed afterwards. Perhaps because I was so drawn into preaching, it hadn't even occurred to me to be nervous. OR...maybe it's just not about me at all and I know that. No nerves necessary.

We came home, fired up the new grill and had bbq chicken, grilled garlic bread, and italian pasta salad. We took some plates to our neighbors and finished off with a lovely little chocolate cake dessert we were given as we left the church today.

I look forward to making new relationships in our new church home. It was very difficult for me when we transitioned out of the church I grew up in. This transition has been wonderful. I hope it's because I'm growing in the Lord. I believe this is the place He wants us to be. It is really indescribable how it feels to be in a place where I feel a large family is not only acceptable, but loved, no questions asked. To be in a place you know you are supposed to be.

What a blessed day this has been and the day is still early. :)

Almost a week in review

This has been a wonderful week. Quality time with my family, a little bit of this and that. Let's see, want to hear my most embarassing moments of the week?

I went to Kohls in hopes of finding a coffee mug holder. You know, like a metal tree of sorts...well, I walked in and they have those five dollar deals on stuffed animals. They happened to have the very hungry catepillar, since we were going to try taking Lillian to the movies, I thought hey, five bucks, I'll get one of those and she'll play with it, she LOVES the book. I picked it up and as I was walking by the checkout line, I saw Lillian's speech therapist from school and tapped her in the back with it....just as I did it she turned to look me straight in the face, and I said "hey, lady" only to be staring back at a total stranger that simply looked like Lillian's speech therapist. I wanted to DIE. It was so embarassing. I apologized profusely and she was very gracious and thought it funny....geez....

Last night, I was in Walmart in the self check out with Bethany and her little boyfriend, we were waiting behind this lady who was checking out her stuff. Bethany had started asking me over and over again if I would get beef jerky for her and the BF to share. I kept saying no, and on about the third request, I said, very exasperated, "Bethany, come on....seriously..." the lady checking out, says..."well, I'm sorry, I'm going as fast as I can".....I was like, oh ,no no no, I didn't mean you....I would never try to rush someone ahead of me like that....The kids were horrified and took off...which was hysterical. I'm not sure if her name was Bethany or she just didn't hear that part, but I felt pretty silly and a little embarrassed. Of course, embarassing the kids was icing on the cake. *giggles*

That sums up this weeks embarrassing episodes.

My husband has worked so hard this week, painting, hanging shelves and pictures, cleaning out the garage, hauling junk away. It is so great to have some stuff done around here. Moving in the winter is not ideal, so this week has been great to get things done. We've also done plenty of relaxing and running around, and having fun just being together.

Today, I'm finishing up laundry and preparing to have another family over this evening for snacks and games. We used to see them every week, but since we moved it has been very little. They are a great family and have as many boys as we have girls.

I'm making banana bread from Southern Plate, some old pampered chef favorites, ham and cheese puffs, southwestern chicken squares, hot pizza dip, cool and creamy chocolate fondue, and just one of our all time favorites, butterscotch rice crispy treats. I think that should feed several teenage boys and my crew. I guess there's always delivery if nothing else...lol. Maybe I can post some pics later.

Guess I better finish off this taco salad if I'm going to, and get to gettin', Lillian has an ENT appointment this afternoon. Matt is on dentist, the second chapter, and doctor follow ups for everyone else. Laudry isn't going to wash itself...I don't think....drats. :)

A little redecorating

I was able to purchase a service of eight of these dishes...I've adored them from a far for quite some time. I got them on clearance for 25.00. Tiny picture, but the color palette is all there. I can't wait to have dinner on them. They have a soft wavy edge. LOVE them.This is Spring Break for my kids. We didn't do anything special, just staying home trying to continue to unpack, get things hung on the walls, stuff like that. Matt took the week off too, and he has been FANTASTIC getting things done. Yes, we have done some running around, and today we even took in a movie with ALL the girls.

So a little history, our dining room was this butternut squash yellow, floor to ceiling. My picture is just not doing it justice. I liked the color ok, but it was just TOOOOOO much for me. I painted a little but Matt painted the majority. We left the yellow on top and the green colors are more in the sage family than they look in the pic. The lighter green is painted over a very pretty tin border that has lovely detail, I just can't get a good picture of it. My sister got me a new scentsy warmer and it is on the left. The second picture shows the red one, I have decided I like the green better. Wish you could see more detail. Red scentsy warmer.

I took a before pic, but lost it somewhere along the way...lol

This is the archway leading to the living room, Matt insisted on going to Hobby Lobby today, (I just browsed the scrapbooking area...can you believe it??) and I was able to score this little ensemble for ten bucks. It picks up all the colors in the room. The opposing wall is wall to wall windows with bench seating, I'm going to search through my tote of fabric to see if I can make some pillows for the bench. I made curtains when we first moved in. It feels more like MY home now, being able to my own touches in it.

The picture has words in script across the word prayer that reads, "when life gets to hard to stand...kneel"

Dentist Appointment

All the girls had dentist appointments today. Madeline lucked out, as she was staying with Great Grandma up in Indy. The rest of the girls went and got cleaned. I considered changing dentist since ours is now about 30 minutes away, but, how can I possibly leave the comfort of the dentist coming out and giving me a hug? I've been seeing him myself since I was a little girl, and it just feels like family. I think I will just have to deal with the drive. I mean, really, it's like seeing a long lost relative every six months. The two office girls are so sweet and they just chat away with my girls. Old friends. I think I got a lead on getting some family pictures done reasonably as well, so I'm looking forward to checking into that. I need some good pics of our family. One of the receptionists gave me the info. The only bad thing about the dentist? Waiting. Waiting FOR.EVER. for three girls to get their teeth cleaned and then examined by the dentist. UGH. Such is life, I guess. I came home, preparing to visit a friend in the hospital and was planning to make a "live forever" bouquet for her. I saw this idea on a craft blog, and reinvented Lillian's formula cans for the "vase".

I only had to arrange the flowers ten times to be satisfied with it. Now, I think I'm pretty happy. Next time, I'll make smaller flowers. This takes fake flowers to a whole new level...LOL.

* note to self--create set for photos so everyone doesn't see my mess!*

Treat Bags- The EVIDENCE

It seems I'm taking really rotten pics or my camera is being weird, I don't know...I cut out little pink and yellow bunnies and made their noses opposite colors. You can see the detail a little better here. I stamped Happy Easter on them, I wanted to put a little scripture on them, but didn't have a good stamp that would work.

In thinking about Lillian's limitations, I tried to put things in them the kids would have fun with. I ended up with a straw and the rest was an egg shaped piece of gum, sweet tarts, a tiny little kit kat and a rabbit shaped reese's.

If you are keeping up with my insane purchase from hobby lobby, you will see that I AM using the materials in the way I intended. This proof in and of itself, I believe, allows me to shop again with confidence...I'm just sayin'. :)

Volunteering in the Library

OH.MY.WORD.

Last Thursday was my first day volunteering in the elementary school library. I went in around 1240 and stayed until 3. OMW. That is all I can say. My knees are revolting against me. Here's the thing, did you ever really think about the size of elementary school book shelves? About 3 ft tall. Which is WONDERFUL for the children. For me? The volunteer putting all the books back on the shelves?? Notsomuch. ;) I swear they picked out all the books on the very bottom shelf, WHICH, totally makes sense for them...perhaps I can sway some of them to the top shelves...giggles. Really, I may go in with knee pads next week. Crikey. And what exactly would be the most appropriate footwear. I wore my black shoes, moderate chunky heel, comfortable. UM, no. Not after that day. They. ached so bad Thursday night, I wanted to chew them off. Not really, sort of....

The afternoon started with one kindergarden class after another. I think we had five classes, in total, K, 1st, and 2nd. They are a frisky bunch. They cannot sit still, nor can they keep their little hands and feet to themselves. I was more of an assistant that day, trying to keep little ones to keep their little hands and feet to themselves. It amazed me when some of them, having never met me, would just walk up and throw their arms around me. So sweet. The older classes had to do scavenger hunts...that was pure pandelerium......

At three, I wandered down to the gym to pick up Lillian and head home, and she cried and cried all the way home until she fell asleep in my lap on the couch, signing "the bus". I, who was adamantly against her riding the bus, then had to put her on it because of vehicle problems, was trying to comfort a child who adamantly WANTED to ride the bus. *sighs*

It was a busy afternoon...I was whooped. What am I going to do with these knees??/

Got a new "do"

afterBefore, a little windy out side.

I tried, really I tried. My daughters begged me to let my grow. I tried. I just could not take it ANY longer...I mean that in many ways. I felt like I looked like an old harried worn out woman...(which in fact I may very well be) but I just wanted to look better. I have this unruly natural wavy body to my hair that tends toward the frizzy...so WHACK, chopped it all off. Just like that. It's a little shorter than I was shooting for, but it will grow back. It's all spikey in the back. I keep going back and forth on whether I like it or not. I need some of that hair putty stuff that makes you hair stay where you put it.( Also, cannot believe I've been in Walmart about five times and STILL keep forgetting to get some.) The cut also took away all the blonde and just left all the multitude of gray. LOTS of it.

Honestly, looking in the mirror, I feel disappointed. I realize as I walk away, no matter what I do to my hair, liking the way I look will not change unless I change my attitude about the way I look. By no coincidence, my daily devotion had pointed out God made us the way he wanted us, and how must it seem to him if we are never happy with HIS creation. It has given me pause. I'm trying to change my thought process. Trying to change.

Some more February Scrapbook Pages

My Grandparents. They died within a year of each other. My Grandpa died after suffering many months with a slow-eating colon cancer. It was a blessing, because he suffered so long. His children, while sad, were ready to let him go. His funeral was very sad. My boy cousins were just a mess. personally, trying to comfort a crying man is one of the harder things to do in life. I don't know if my sister felt this way, but I never really felt loved by my grandparents until I was a grown woman. They never really warmed up to Mom and us not being my dad's bio. kids even though he adopted us and loves us as such. I wrote Ecclesiates 3 on vellum under their picture, it seemed so appropriate. My Grandma died unexpectedly. Dying in her sleep, my aunt found her that way. In a prayer stance laying in bed. They LOVED to go to Walmart and sit back in the McDonalds. Many people loved them. OF course, this page speaks for itself. Lillian in her bat costume. Typically, I don't like one picture layouts. I feel it starts to be more about the page than the actual photo. Sometimes, it just can't be helped. This was the only pic I had of Lillian in her costume, so there ya go.

And, a page commemorating my newest nephew's birth.

As a rule, I don't photograph every scrap book page I make...but when I'm working alone I'll sometimes snap a pic with my cell phone and send it to Amanda, my usual scrapbook buddy. Of course, this one being of her son, i thought she would like to see it.

sings, "sisters, sisters"

My one and only sister. Where shall I start? My sister, she is the elder....heh heh heh....not by much, but older still. *insert giggling, because I know she is probably reading* Oh my goodness, what an interesting life she has given me. She has had me on as much an emotional roller coaster as I've ever been. She is one of those people who seem to have a little storm cloud that chases her wherever she might go. It's like, if something bad is going to happen, it's going to happen to her. Mom always used to say that. Somehow, though, she always comes out of it for the better. Let's see, how bout the time we found her unconcious, 38 weeks pregnant at her bedside. OR, how bout the time she hydroplaned on the interstate and rolled her van down and embankment, breaking her back and shoulder. How bout the time, she nudged a car in the Walmart parking lot, called the police and ironically got HERSELF taken to jail? WHILE my baby was in the NICU. (that'll be a chapter in my book, My Sister's stent in the poky) All of these instances, while terrible at the time actually had a positive turn out. Thank the Lord, she was healed of the medical issues she faced at those times, and the little overnight stay with our fine law enforcement was simply an error in paperwork. Don't you just love the system?



We have fought, loved, interfered, cried, laughed...laughed, cried, fought, interfered, laughed...you get the idea. She annoys me and I annoy her. We don't always see eye to eye. Our personalities are pretty opposite. We can gripe to each other in a way that noone else can understand. All because we are sisters. We live pretty far apart now. Since I moved to Seymour, most of the family refers to me being in KY. That part is not so great, but we have phones, internet and we do visit.



My sister is about to embark on a form of bypass surgery. She has accomplished all of the pre-surgery requirements and has made some tremendous changes in her diet. I am so proud. She has a date, May 11. We are both heavy set women. I keep saying in my head, "if she can quit, I can quit". I'm not there, but I should be...anyway, like I said, I'm so proud of the changes she is making. I know this surgery is a step she needs to continue to live on this Earth. I also know she is in the hands of the Lord.

*Crystal, stop reading or get you some kleenex*

I'm proud. I'm excited. I'm afraid. I know how high the risk is. It's a dangerous step, but a step she must take. I am annoyed at myself for having fear, but she is my ONLY sister. The ONLY person who has born my ONLY blood niece and nephew. She is the ONLY person who will fight with me and make up with in under five minutes. We are all we have. How will I cope if this little cloud doesn't provide a rainbow? There. Maybe I can quiet the fear now. I've named it so maybe it can be silent.



This will be a long road for her, her children, and her husband. Met with many challenges and good things. I'm excited. I'll be there for encouragement, love, and understanding. She may not know the depth of my love, but I hope she does.



"There were never such devoted sisters"



Peace be still.

Craftapalooza

February was a busy month. I made a lot more things than I realized. This is a birthday card I made for my BFFF Marcia...I found the template on you tube and this is what I created.

It was really pretty easy to make, but measurment needs to be very accurate or your folds won't match up. She LOVED it.

February also brought Valentine's Day. I made many, many little truffle boxes for Lillian's teachers and therapists. Each one held two oreo truffles I'd made the day before.

Last, but not least I made Lillian's valentines for her class. Aren't these the cutest. Thanks to my cricut cutting all those hearts, it didn't take long to assemble and finish. I wrote "Fishing you a Happy Valentine's Day" on the back. I thought they turned out pretty cute. I'm just noticing how messy my desk is when I'm working, please try to ignore that. :)

Hobby Lobby-ing

I went to Hobby Lobby today because...

1. I felt it imperative that I go see if there was anything I might need for creating thank you cards...*clears throat*

2. Anything that was the Paper Studios brand was 40 % off, so that would definitely be helpful with item #1

Don't you think that is reason enough to visit one of my favorite stores ever? I mean, I'm SURE I didn't have enough materials here in my exploding craft room to complete them....hmmm

I was able to make a few purchases...however, nothing that would compliment what I already had for my cards. Seriously, I tried. I am so not trying to defend myself here.

I might need therapy...oops, already had it...RETAIL therapy...

After our little Hobby Lobby trip, in which I did NOT run out of time to find a night light for Lil's room (she's afraid of the dark all of a sudden) or a frame for the painting Matt did last year because I spent almost an hour in the scrapbook aisles, well and I did browse me some clearance too....*sighs* Ok, so I did run out of time, but that means I'll just have to make another trip to that fine establishment. :)

After HL, I met my SIL, Niece, and great Nephews for lunch at Riviera Maya. YUM. Wednesdays they have my favorite meal as a lunch special. YEE HAW. Then we beelined back to Seymour for Lillian's therapy. Here's a little pic of Lillian and Isaiah as we left the restaurant. Since I can no longer figure out how to move pics in blogger, they are at the top....

I'm so tickled

I'm not taking very good pictures these day...ugh..

I may be a dork, but I'm totally excited... my sister-in-law really touched my heart by asking me to make some thank you cards for her son's upcoming wedding. Not for guests, but for people who are helping out behind the scenes. Her only wish was that I use the wedding colors and add thank you somewhere. Here are two that I have done. They are on cream card stock, some of the Linen closet card stock, and pieces of pearlized peach card. The colors are cream, peach, and light gray/pewter. Several more to go, but I think all the cards are going to be different, but using like materials. Woot!! (woot, this a term that I find so bizarre, but my sister uses it a lot, so now I'm using it because I'm a dork and it just seems so dorky) Word of the day---Dork, Woot. :)

Another Butterfly Card

Lil' 'Bil fell asleep right on my shoulder last night as I sat in my craft room, so I got her to bed after I held her for much longer than I'm sure was necessary...but those moments are getting more and more rare. I mean, there is nothing quite like cuddling your sleeping babies or not so babies...ANYWAY...

I like butterflies, hard to tell, right? I love leaves too. Matt kids me about all the leafy stuff I have. The card has more of the little DCWV stack that I love, the ribbon is from Walmart on the clearance shelf. It's hard to see, but that card stack is all glittery, I LOVE it. Did I mention that? The stamp is from a little dollar set I got at Archivers. The butterfly was cut with the cricut serenade cartidge.

A little crafting

Two more pages for Lillian's first year

cute little butterfly things I got in the Dollar Tree....

Translated to butterfly sympathy card. Those two pieces of card stock on the right are from DCWV card stock stack called Linen Closet. I LOVE the prints in it, but I had to restrain myself so I only got the 4 x6 stack. The stamp is called an innie outie stamp or something like that, there is a coordinating sentiment on it for the inside of the card. The other papers are from a new stack I bought the same day as the DCWV, BUT I got the 12 x 12 of it, and it is K and Company and it has all these pretty butterfly/bird/botanicals in it. LOVE LOVE LOVE it. So you see, I had to make hard choices.

I've been really wanting to spend time in my craft room, BUT, I just can't seem to be in there as much as I want. I thought maybe I should set some goals for getting some things done, but not sure yet. Thought I would share a few things I have done recently

Should be cleaning

I really should be, but I can't seem to find my mojo...HA! Really, I just keep doing tiny little minute things that are really not making ANY impact. Instead, I'm here blogging...I do clean and the older I get, (just turned the big 3-5) I enjoy it more. I get this strange sense of peace as I watch the dirt go down the drain...or see the shiny tables. Dust actually makes me wince a little, when I find it...and believe me, in my house, you'll find it. I'm by no means a great housekeeper nor a clean freak neatnik kinda girl. Just ask my family, they will certainly agree. Some more than others. I have come a LONG way though, in my housekeeping and it seems I actually like doing it. Somebody get a thermometer and check for a fever...for real.

Seriously, I have been crazy busy. At least ONE of my kids has taken turns with strep or bronchitis, or gastritis or ear infections for over a month. Not only do we have Lillian's "normal" issues, the other girls have been feeling it too. I HATE for my kids to be sick. When they are sick sick, you know, not sleeping, fevering, making you worry your little heart out sick? Hopefully, I think we are on the mend. Praise the Lord.

Today marks Madeline's ninth birthday. How is that even possible, I just don't know. Seems like yesterday she was laying on the couch with my "wuiwt" as she would say. Such a vibrant, full of energy, slightly sneaky, little girl, growing too fast for her Mommy. Singing, as we speak as she travels up the stairs. She helped me make treat bags for her class on Friday and they turned out adorable. Tomorrow, my family will gather and celebrate and tonight her boy cousins on Matt's side will be here for a play date in her honor. She will feast on her favorite Mcdonald's meal and all will be right in her world.

I hear the sound of the pledge can beckoning me to the living room, I suppose I must heed it's call.

Do you like to clean? Has your cleaning regime changed a lot over the years?

The day my heart broke and surrendered

A friend recently gave me a book about being grateful in the midst of EVERYTHING. I'm about 1/3 of the way through the book. It got me to thinking about the journey we've been walking, I felt compelled to share a bit of something that has brought change in my heart.



About five and half, maybe six years ago, my parents split up. I was devastated, more from the standpoint that I felt my Mom was walking away from our/her faith. I felt everything I cherished in family was dissolving and there was absolutely NOTHING I could do about it. Around the same time, my aunt was losing her battle with cancer AND one of my lifelong friends had given birth to her first daughter in her 27th week of pregnancy as a stillborn. I was midway in my pregnancy with Lillian. We buried my Aunt and my friend buried her precious Cortland on the same day. I couldn't fathom worse emotions than I was experiencing in those particular months. I remember holding on to my Mom and the dam breaking in the hours preceding the funeral. I sat in tears through the funeral, mourning my aunt and thinking of my friend in a cemetery lowering a tiny coffin in the ground.



Life moved on, as it does, and I learned to cope. I leaned on my faith and tried to figure out how to deal with the emotional upheavel I was dealing with in mourning the loss of my parents' marriage, I believe death would have been an easier situation to cope with. At least in death, there is an end. There aren't unhappy eyes to look into, awkward conversations, or anger I didn't know how to deal with.



11/24/06 I am admitted into the hospital for an amniocentesis and external aversion to try to see if my pregnancy could come to and end and my precious baby could come into the world and bring me joy. After everything we had been through, including facing financial pitfalls, (we lost our home and had to move while I was on bedrest) I was so looking forward to something sweet and precious.



She was born. My world turned on it's axis and hasn't been the same ever since. I've always thought I had prayed and asked AND followed God's will for my life. I realize, looking back, I'm not sure I really had. I received Christ as my savior as very small child and recommitted my life to him as a preteen girl. I'm not sure, aside from living a fairly "morally " good existence, that I really understood what it meant.



We sat in the little room, while the doctor's gave us the most heart wrenching news we'd ever heard regarding our child's life and very existence. My pastor, after hearing our news, asked me if she died today, would I call her back to this Earth. After a moment, I tearfully answered no. Selfish me would not want to let her go, but Jesus in me knew God knows better than me. My heart broke and surrendered to the will of the Almighty. I know it sounds almost contradictory, but it really isn't. I have been seeking to see Him in this entire situation. It has changed my outlook on SO many things. May God continue to be glorified and uplifted through this broken, surrendered heart.