So much of the time I am questioning myself on if I'm doing a good job as a mother and if I'm making an impact on my kids. I wonder, sometimes, at their decision making. I hope I'm showing them what a godly mother is. I hope I'm showing them what a good person is. I wonder so much of the time how our life change has affected them in their lives. It's difficult to know how kids are processing things in their minds. Even when you ask them, they don't even know what your are talking about. Many times I feel unappreciated. I wonder where in the world I've gone wrong when they display behavior that shocks me. Mostly, I just try to remind myself they are kids and they are learning. They will understand it all someday when they are mothers themselves. I want them to see how wonderful and fulfilling it is to be a stay at home Mom.
Personally, I am so humbled when the girls are involved in volunteering and someone comes and tells me how wonderful they are and how they are easy to work with and just do what they are supposed to do with out being asked or shadowed all along. I think that is some kind of reflection that I am doing the job that I need to be.
Yesterday, Isabelle (11) came home, walked in and went right back out. She returned for a drink a bit later and when I asked her what she was up to, she stated " helping Jan (our elderly neighbor) clean up her yard" I was moved.
As we were eating dinner, Rebecca (13) proudly announces, "I'm in the paper" I say, you are, for honor roll? She says, "nope" I say "pictured in the paper" She says " nope". She brings me the paper...7 seventh graders had blurbs chosen for the paper about who was the most inspiring woman they knew. My daughter wrote a paragraph detailing me. I was a blubbering mess. ME? Me who most times feels like I'm the worst mother walking the planet. Who often refers to myself as the MOTY?
Then she up and volunteers to do the supper dishes....*shakes head*
I was sharing this with my sister today and she said, "you need to laminate that baby". I said "yeah and wave it in her face when she's 17 and 'hates' me for something. " lol
I am wrapped in comfort in the days events. It is awesome to see them growing and reflecting some of the things I'm hoping we are teaching them.